So here's a nice view into my neuroses: Even though I used a treadmill yesterday AND today, as per The New Routine, I still feel guilty/like I'm doing it wrong because I'm using the treadmill at my HOUSE instead of the Y.
Monday, Molly's first day of kindergarten, was kind of a crazy morning. Parents were welcome to stick around for a half hour and then attend an informational meeting. Which I did not WANT to do, but did anyway, mostly because Molly needed most of that half hour to get comfortable with all the new kids and the space. Then I went to the meeting because I felt like I should and after that I decided that Emma had already had enough weirdness in her morning without her mother dumping her in the Y childcare room. We went to the grocery store instead, had a lovely morning to ourselves, and as soon as she went down for her nap I got on the treadmill and took my mind off imminent death by watching Scandal on my Kindle.
TODAY I already knew I wasn't going to the Y - I was going directly to Liz's house after school drop off because I hadn't seen her in FOREVER and I didn't know how much time I'd have if I went to the Y first. So after drop off we went to the grocery store (again) (for a dozen doughnuts) and went to visit Liz and Johnny and Fritzie and it was lovely. Then, as soon as EJ went down for her nap, I got on the treadmill and watched the next episode of Scandal.
I've also been stricter about what I'm eating and YEAH SO it's only been two days, but I haven't had two days like this in a very long time. I don't feel proud so much as hopeful that I can get this started again. I am ALMOST looking forward to my next episode. (This is how I'm bribing myself: I only get to watch that (addictive) show if I'm also half-dying on a treadmill.)
However! Because I am not dashing off to the Y after school drop off toting my gym bag and baby, I feel like I'm copping out. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. The entire POINT was to start exercising again and I have DONE THAT. (For two days. Still. Hush.) But here I am thinking about whether I will go to the Y tomorrow or if I'll just run at home again, and most of me wants to run at home because 1) I kind of like how an afternoon run ensures I am not a total slug all day and 2) I am not kidding about the half-dying and do I really want to put on that show in a room full of super fit moms in cute workout gear? Errr...
When Jack and Molly were babies, I would put them down for naps and then either run or suffer through a Jillian workout. Practically every day. It was just what I DID. I didn't eat lunch until after my workout, and lunch tasted SO GOOD. And I lazed around for the rest of naptime because clearly I deserved it. Yesterday and today I felt like maybe I could do that again.
But here I am shelling out money every month for the Y. I could get my exercise out of the way first thing. I wouldn't have to take up valuable nap time with exercise. I would ALWAYS be able to work out because I would ALWAYS have someone to watch a kid for me. It was going to be The New Routine and it was going to WORK.
Except... I like taking showers in the morning and getting ready and going shopping or visiting friends or taking my baby for coffee after school drop off. It's free to run at home. Emma's a reliable napper. I like how afternoon runs prohibit me from falling asleep on the couch in front of my DVRed news programs. The New Routine doesn't HAVE to involve the Y.
I'm sure most of you are sitting here wondering what the problem is, why I'm even writing about this. I just have this problem when I don't follow my own plans. I thought everything out SO WELL! I put all my eggs in THIS basket! To not go along with my very own carefully processed plan must mean something's off somewhere. I'm wrong. I'm making excuses or trying to get away with something. I mean, I TOLD everyone I was going to the Y and now I'm NOT?! That just LOOKS BAD.
AAAAAAND, welcome to my brain! This is a fairly common occurrence around here, a strange circular warp of thought. I don't understand it myself, no matter how many external processing blog posts I write. The thing that matters is that I find time to exercise every [most] days. I can do that with or without the Y. I can do BOTH. My new routine doesn't have to be the exact same thing every single day. (OH! my brain is saying. THIS IS A TOTALLY NEW THOUGHT!)
One thing I think I've committed to is taking a picture of my running shoes every day. Why? you are asking. That sounds like a dumb idea. I know! But I think that can take the place of my blogging-about-exercise. It will sort of hold me accountable too. When I don't feel like running I will think of Instagram and feel guilty that I haven't yet posted my Daily Shoes picture. Stupid? Yes. Will it work? Do not underestimate my guilty conscience! Also, because I can't bear to bore the Internet (you are laughing), I am already thinking of ways to make my shoes pictures worth looking at. I am half ready to draw faces on the insteps with a Sharpie.