You: Super! We will now be subjected to the Obligatory Boring Trip Recap Post!
Me: Not yet!
Me: No, it's worse. This is the Obligatory Oh Dear God, "None Of My Pants Fit" Is No Longer A Cute Exaggeration, It Is Dismal Depressing Truth, And What Am I Going To Do About It? Post. (Sorry.)
Cabo seems like a million years ago. That's what happens when you return from The Honeymoon You Never Had and immediately dive into your yearly couples retreat, which is basically your yearly dose of marriage therapy. We are talking intensity in ten cities, people. My kids, thank goodness, did great with their at-home babysitter while I was off picking apart communication dysfunctions. And making pina coladas for everyone. YUM!
And this week and next feel pointless to me, because it's just a holding period before school starts and what am I supposed to do with this time? I am MORE than ready to get back into a routine, but starting one when everything's going to be all upside down again in two weeks seems dumb.
Here are things I would LIKE to accomplish during the next two weeks, but we shall see:
finish the elephant shades in Emma's room (I need to make two more)
pull off an awesomesauce Treasure Hunt party for Molly's birthday this weekend
catch up on all my emails
restock the fridge and pantry and start meal planning again
look at the bank account online and make sure I didn't forget to, you know, pay the mortgage while we were on vacation.
That's not a huge or difficult list, right? I feel like I can do that. And then school will start (although Molly doesn't start until the Monday after Jack, which is ANNOYING) and I can - dum de dum dum - become one of those ladies who goes to the gym.
Between no routine and the extreme difficulty I've had losing any weight I've put on this year, I basically gave up. Sometime in May or June. I just... it felt like too much. I was constantly upset with myself, constantly down on myself, and I was tired of it. The PROBLEM with choosing to not care is that I then begin to eat everything in sight. Namely cookies. And cake. I have no off switch, you guys. This is the problem in the first place. I have to watch my own self like a hawk, otherwise I will eat all the leftover birthday cake in one afternoon. There doesn't seem to be an in between place, or at least I haven't found one yet. Either I'm vigilant about what I put in my mouth and exercising, or I'm not doing either of those things and digging through my closet for the pants I wore at 4 months pregnant.
Well, I suppose the in between place is being sort of vigilant and sort of exercising, while also digging around for the fat pants and beating myself up every day. Unpleasant.
I need to work on what I'm eating. I've been Convenience Eating for so long I've forgotten how to do it right. I'm going to try protein shakes in the morning, as recommended by my hippie doctor. (Berries, yogurt, milk, vanilla protein powder. And ground up oatmeal.) I need to find some soups and salads that 1) I like and 2) ARE EASY TO MAKE and eat those for lunch and THEN STOP EATING. I've done this before so I know I can do it again. And the other thing is getting into an exercise habit again. I am very very VERY HOPEFUL that I can manage a School Drop Off then Head To The Gym situation, where Emma plays happily in the childcare room while I do my measly miles on the treadmill while watching Kelly and Michael. That would be enough! I wouldn't have to give up nap time. And it's not like I can do any shopping at 8:30 in the morning anyway, right? THIS IS A PERFECT PLAN. I just need Emma to cooperate. I think it will work. I do I do, I just need to START. And I can't start yet. So I'm frustrated. And eating cake.
I did not feel bad about myself in Cabo and I'm SO THANKFUL. I was so worried that I'd hate myself in my bathing suit, or think about how I was wearing the bathing suit I bought 5 months post partum instead of the ones I wore when I was a size 8. Or that I didn't manage to get in shape for my husband on our big romantic trip. Or that I would feel bad around all the girls in bikinis. Buuuuuut, I don't know. It's not like I didn't care or didn't notice, but it didn't sit around with me and chisel away at my brain. I just told myself that life is busy and I'll start running again when school starts. And then order another plate of nachos. (OMG THE NACHOS.)
I am not inclined to be nice to myself, but I am working on it. I've BEEN working on it. It just appears that being nice to myself means cookies for breakfast. A lot. So.
Coming up on MightyMaggie.com: Cabo Recap, Houseguest Recap, Birthday Plans, Life Revelations, Etc.