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    166 posts categorized "Too much going on"

    July 20, 2014

    Life Fails and other quick thoughts I must dash off so I can think about something else

    I owe you a huge, no really, HUUUUUUGE, cruise review post. And I have a LOT to say. 

    But! Right now! I am feeling so overwhelmed and upset-ish and wondering if there's anything I can do... see, since I started a business

    my hopes for a deck container garden have crashed and burned, as in nearly all the plants are dead or on their way to dead

    my yard is more overgrown and hideous than when we moved in

    the laundry room has become a I Really Need To Throw This Out room

    Emma's room is half kid room, half playroom disaster, half bakery storage (that totally adds up to a whole)

    I never clean my kitchen anymore, beyond doing the dishes, and it NEEDS it, even with professional housecleaning every other week

    I haven't done a single house project and my house NEEDS ME

    It's the yard stuff that's getting to me this week. I came home from the cruise and looked outside into the backyard and with an extremely sinking feeling I realized it's the middle of JULY - another year I don't fix up the yard and make it decent. 

    My excuses in previous years were 1) pregnant 2) immobile baby 3) I planted a garden but the damn raccoons ate all my seedlings AND we redid the deck creating backyard havoc for months. This year it's the bakery. My top priorities are Handing Out Snacks and Keeping A Baby Bakery Business Running. Everything else is TOTALLY COMPLETELY HORRIBLY falling by the wayside. 

    Even seeing my friends. And I am normally extra super good at making time for friends. 

    I just... it's OKAY that my yard is a mess. It is. I am not a bad person for having a disaster yard. I am not even an IRRESPONSIBLE person for having a disaster yard. Or dead plants. Or nothing pretty by my front door. Or only a handful of green beans to show for the $$$ I spent on plants and containers for the deck this summer. Or the fact that I don't feel we have properly USED our outdoor space this summer. THINGS HAVE BEEN BUSY AND I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING RIGHT? RIGHT.


    July 07, 2014

    Really REALLY quick takes

    This was the first anniversary I didn't write about on my website. Number eleven. I feel... fine about it, actually. I think my first anniversary post was Two. That's a lot of anniversary posts. And his birthday comes up so quickly afterwards! So: on June 28 we celebrated 11 years of marriage by hanging out with my family at the beach and hosing sand off our three children. 

    Here is a quick Phillip story. He just told me that he has this fear that he's going to get sick right before the cruise and they won't let him on the boat. He is not even the slightest bit sniffly. What is the word for someone who is terrified of getting sick, but not like CANCER sick, just "I have a tickle in my throat and now I have to lay in bed for a week" sick? 

    Anyone bought anything from an ecommerce site called Storenvy? Heard of it? It looks pretty cool - it's a free alternative to Etsy. I'm hunting for a way to sell some of our super standard stuff online without putting people through that whole email process. I can't get rid of the email process - we ARE special order! 

    Storenvy also uses Square, which I muchly prefer to PayPal. 

    Thumbprints shipped 23 cookie subscription boxes this weekend. This afternoon, actually. We spent the whole weekend baking and packaging and preparing and boom, they're out. 23 doesn't actually sound like very many, but 1) I thought we'd get MAYBE 5 subscriptions and 2) there are only 2 of us. With small children. And husbands with full time jobs. So. 

    Sometimes I think it's wildly inappropriate to share Insider Bakery Info with you. But isn't that what blogs are for? Who's going to fire me?

    I keep remembering I am going to Edel and getting excited. How sad is it when you keep FORGETTING that you are going on a big time out of town ladies' weekend? 

    I keep forgetting because first I am going on a CRUISE. Which I have actually become quite excited about. This is due to a number of Fancy Dresses I have acquired and we all know how much I love THOSE. I was telling my MIL about the clothes I bought for the kids for "formal night" and she rolls her eyes and tells me not to worry about Formal Nights, they are maybe not as formal as I think. BUT GUESS WHAT, Royal Carribbean, I am going to wear my beaded dress ANYWAY and my kid is going to WEAR THAT TIE. 

    I have yet to talk to anyone who did not like the Alaska cruise. But I still need to buy those seasickness bands. 

    I really really really want to go get a pedicure, but all the places I know close at seven. And it's six fifty six. BAH.



    June 30, 2014

    Pls to advise re: cruise ships (with children) (and irrational Titanic fears)

    We don't have a ton of orders lined up for July - actually, if it weren't for the subscription boxes I'd be worried. But because subscription boxes are starting we are scheduled to make over 500 cookies in our rental kitchen this weekend. Katie says this is possible. I... am not sure. 

    Between the subscription boxes and preparing for the street fair the first weekend in August, the bakery is giving me hives. Good hives! But oh man, SO MUCH to prepare for and think about. With the additional stress of knowing that EVEN THOUGH we are doing better each month, the thought of being able to pay ourselves seems light years away. My whiteboard displays six different bullet lists noting everything from renting a canopy to printing labels to noting the subscription box that needs to be sent two weeks late to "buy blue sprinkles" to "try sealing bags with flat iron?" Wait, let's ignore that last one as I'm sure some food inspector person will take issue AHEM.

    WE ARE DOING WELL. But the rest of life has to happen too, and I can't focus my entire brain on the bakery, and I think this is what's been hard lately. I've also had to think about the end of the school year, having the kids home, family vacations, moving bedrooms, who's grown out of what, etc. etc. I've been short and snotty with everyone in my family because of it. One of my STRENGTHS is to sit down and zero in on something and get it done, but one of my enormous FLAWS is the inability to un-focus when something else needs my attention. This is why I have flown into fifteen rages over someone requesting a drink of water. 

    It's also why I have been cranky about something WONDERFUL and FUN and EXPENSES-PAID in my life, that being a week-long Alaska cruise with Phillip's side of the family to celebrate his mom's retirement. I am ASHAMED of my crankiness while also not really trying to un-crankify myself. My issues are: 

    • I have been and forever will be terrified of Massive Bodies of Water and potential Titanic Scenarios. I just am. Drowning is my thing. I have never wanted to go on a cruise and I truly am anxious about the Out In The Middle Of The Ocean-ness, no matter how many times my dad snorts in reply and tells me that we're "only" going up the Inside Passage and I need to get over myself. 
    • You cannot check your email on a boat. At least not as many times as I prefer to check my email. And when I'm able to do so it will be $$$. Did you hear I have started a new business? And am the main point of contact for all potential customers? 
    • I just LOOK at a boat and get seasick.
    • We're going on a cruise to ALASKA, where it will most likely be Not Warm, in the middle of July which is one part of the year in which my city is reliably warm. As a Warm Weather Hoarder, this also makes me anxious. 
    • How much weight am I going to gain a cruise? No really, HOW MUCH. OMG.

    Okay, so those are the major cranky factors. I am doing my DARNDEST to focus on the following:

    • When the Babysitters Club went on a Bahama cruise it was super fun and they met lots of exciting people and also Intriguing Love Interests and my inner 12-year-old awaits the many possibilities for At Sea Adventure.
    • The opportunity to bring a bunch of cute dresses and wear all of them. 
    • The opportunity to go out every night. I am TOTALLY the person who will love a cheesy song-and-dance cruise ship show and I TOTALLY intend to watch at least fourteen. 
    • A connecting room with my in-laws means I CAN watch fourteen shows. 
    • The kids will love it. 
    • Phillip has always wanted to go on a cruise. 
    • Katie will take care of everything at home. 
    • DESSERT TABLES. There will be dessert tables, right? 
    • I don't HAVE to get off the ship and sightsee in Alaska. My MIL totally has my back if I just want to hang off the deck, gaze at an iceberg or glacier for a few minutes, and then go find the on ship spa. I don't have to go PAN FOR GOLD or whatever crazy excursions we've looked at over the last few weeks. I CAN BE A HORRIBLE UNINTERESTED IN SIGHTS PERSON. 
    • MIL also tells me there are lectures on the boat! Lectures! I love lectures! I hope they are not ALL about the history of Alaska. Do you think there will be a WW2 expert on board?
    • I am also STRONGLY considering blondness in honor of my 35th birthday (well, as far as my colorist will take me, which will maybe be 3 strands of blond mixed in with proper grown up hair) and I QUITE like the idea of being a BLOND lady with CUTE DRESSES on a SHIP in the EVENINGS with a DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME CHINESE MAN on my arm and my CHILDREN in BED. Right? That sounds FUN.

    Okay, so, now it's your turn. Hit me with your best cruising tips, people. Seriously. I have never done this before and have waited until now to give it more than two seconds' thought. Pretty sure my SIL has every detail imaginable under control, but JUST IN CASE! TELL ME EVERYTHING.

    June 05, 2014


    I am going out of town tomorrow! I LOOOOOVE going out of town. Ever since EBJ (and my mother) talked me into spending more than one night in Sacramento for the event that turned into the Blathering, I have been Going Out Of Town's biggest fan. 

    This isn't an escape quite up to Blathering level, but I'm RAWTHER EXCITED regardless. I am even bringing my big kids! Crazy! Except for the part where we land at 10pm and I have to rent a car and do all that annoying paperwork (and then drive a strange car) with two sleepy children. But! It shall be done! And if it really truly can't be done I can always call my brother to pick us up. HA.

    So my brother and SIL and their three boys live in Colorado and I visited once, after my first nephew was born, before I had my own kids. Things are very different now! THREE boys plus one extra adorable new niece, for whom this whole trip is planned. She was officially adopted a few weeks back and my brother and SIL are throwing a party and as you know, if there is a party, I must be there. 

    I'm super excited to bring the big kids (Jack and Molly and my two older nephews are kind of The Older Cousins in our family). Even though my brother apparently has to work all weekend and my SIL's whole family is coming and WHO KNOWS if and when we'll see anyone, but guess what, I have made plans for THAT as well. 

    Because! The first thing we do when we wake up on Sunday is drive an hour and a half to my 9th grade BFF's house. And guess what I haven't SEEN her since 9th grade. No wait, she had a flight layover at the base I moved to after 9th grade, so I did see her one night when we were in 10th grade. BUT SINCE THEN? NOT EVER! And we haven't even kept in great touch or anything! I *could* be really nervous or whatever, but I am so not. Well, I might be once I start driving to her house. But even so, 9th Grade BFF is sort of the first person I identified as My Kind Of Person and I have every reason to think she still is. I am BEYOND excited to sit on her couch and talk for hours. I have no idea what we're going to do with our kids. Lock them outside? That'll work! (What *should* be making me nervous: that I am not HER person. EH! We'll work around that.) 

    AND THEN AND THEN! On SUNDAY I get to hang out with @kate_welsh!!!! Hence the hashtag title, which, has anyone ever been hashtagged in a blog title in such a beautifully rhyming way? I THINK NOT. I think the only thing we have planned is 1) nachos, but really, what more do you need? YAY!

    Oh, and Sunday afternoon is the Party. I've been told, though I'm not sure if this is still the case, that the family of New Baby should wear mint. Mint! So! LUCKILY the Easter outfits I bought the kids are pretty minty AND coordinate well with each other, so Jack and Molly are all set. But while mint (a version of aqua?) is one of my favorite colors, I felt sort of silly hunting for an appropriately Minty outfit. Instead I'm going to wear ORANGE. Ooooh, rebellious. But I found a minty scarf? And minty earrings? I feel like they'll still let me into the party? 

    (Just watch, the whole Wear Mint thing will be so over and my kids will be the weirdos wearing the coordinated matchy minty outfits FINE, I SEE YOUR PLOY, SIL.)

    Long long LONG ago I used to write more about my brother and I would refer to him as The Captain, since he was, indeed, an Air Force captain. But he has recently informed me that he should now be referred to as MAJOR. Even though we don't really REFER to him anymore, do we. His first name is Matthew and from now on I think we will call him Major Matthew. Isn't that adorable? I love it. Almost as good as a hashtag. 

    Even though this was a crazypants week (I didn't even tell you about how the cleaning ladies ruined my oven!) (And I own a BAKING BUSINESS!) (GAH!) I feel pretty organized and settled and ready to jet off tomorrow evening. I have a giant in-Sharpie list of stuff to do, but I don't have to get the kids out of school until about 1 tomorrow and that's HEAPS of time, right? 

    OH AND THEY CUT MY TREE DOWN TODAY OMG THAT WAS WILD! Darn it! I think I have TONS to say about my tree! Starting with: people who cut down trees for a living are PRETTY FUN. But anyway. I'm about to turn into a pumpkin. Please think good thoughts for the whole being-able-to-sit-with-your-small-children-on-an-airplane thing, thanks.

    June 02, 2014

    Party update! Life update! Fairly boring! With mimosas!

    THANK YOU to everyone who participated in our little buy-jewelry-raise-money shindig this weekend. I had a great time at my own party, as per usual, and I continue to think my friends are the best in the world. I know the total from the party itself, but not combined with online orders (from you! thank you!) and the direct contributions to the adoption fund. When I know all of that I will let you know too. This was super fun and I now see myself in a new role: Socialite Philanthropist. I mean, doesn't that lady always wear furs and diamonds and carry a martini glass? Wouldn't I do REALLY WELL at that? 

    It's June already and June and July are going to be pretty killer around here. The bakery for one thing but then I'm headed to Colorado this weekend for my new niece's adoption party. Next weekend is the only free weekend I have for the following 8 weeks. ISN'T THAT SUPER? Baby showers, friends in town, family vacations, the Edel Conference and did I tell you that we are probably going to be "culinary arts" vendors at my neighborhood summer street fair? I KNOW. It was one of those things you just run across and then think, "Might as well!" and then it actually HAPPENS. Technically we are supposed to be waiting for acceptance of our application, but the woman I was emailing kept saying, "We are so happy to have you in our festival!" that, you know, kinda seems like we're in. 

    That is going to be a crazy crazy week/weekend. I am already tired just thinking about it. 

    Ugh, I have nothing interesting to say tonight. (WHAT IS NEW, you are wondering.) I had a [single] [childless] [with a weird job] friend over today and she stayed aaaaall day, until I had to pick up the big kids at school, and I COULD feel frustrated tonight at my lack of accomplishments, but it was actually really good to do nothing. And I didn't really do NOTHING, I got a lot cleaned up in the kitchen and I worked on a little marketing flyer we're going to put out at an event this weekend. But mostly I sat on my deck with a triple-sized mimosa, basking in the sunshine with a friend, talking about Big Life Stuff. I mean, that's my favorite thing to do! Not a shabby day, by far. 



    May 29, 2014

    Help me and my IRL buddies raise money for adoption

    Friday night I'm hosting a party where the main events are: 

    1. trying on Noonday Collection accessories
    2. nibbling from the very first Thumbprints dessert table (or gobbling, that's ok too)
    3. hanging out with super fun ladies, and 

    Internet, you KNOW that if you lived anywhere near me I would invite you and you could ogle necklaces, eat macarons, and meet all my awesome real life friends. I would LOVE that! But since you probably don't want to shell out for the plane ticket, you can still participate by checking out the Noonday goodies HERE and making a purchase BECAUSE 10% of all sales go towards the last chunk of fees for a new adoptive family.

    You know I would never ask you to consider something NOT AWESOME or to raise money for ME. Usually at these buy-something-at-a-party parties, the hostess gets that 10% or some percentage to get herself some free stuff. I AM NOT GETTING FREE STUFF. I mean, if you thought I was hitting you up so that I could get more jewelry, then that's pretty lame. But I am hitting you up because I want to be able to hand this family the biggest check we can provide. (I don't know them! That means I'm even more shameless!) 

    SO! Gawk at pretty necklaces and earrings and bracelets HERE and if something strikes your fancy and you want to make an order, please choose 'Tarah Voss' as the "ambassador" and indicate 'MaggieCheung' as the trunk show name. 


    I am super excited to post pictures of the dessert table, but first I have to finish my dessert table assignments (strawberry mascarpone filling? yes?) Do not fear, I will be hounding you via Twitter periodically tomorrow. HELP US OUT, INTERNET! GO TEAM!

    May 26, 2014

    In which I am very YAY BUY STUFF!

    I feel like life these days is a Giant Bullet List. A big cross between a To Do List and a Calendar and a Stuff I Gotta Get Figured Out list. It exists in my brain (and also on my new whiteboard) and I am mentally checking things off all day long. I'm not sure I'm able to think in formats other than Bullet List, so that is why this post looks the way it does:

    • I HAVE A NEW DESK. And it is an ACTUAL desk! We decided to hit up Ikea Saturday night (after getting up at 6 to take the 7am ferry to Port Angeles A LONG WAYS AWAY FROM IKEA), and buy our new shared office. I am super excited about it. I always thought that when the girls started sharing the big room downstairs, currently Phillip's office/guest room, we'd set up a shared office in Emma's old room upstairs. And stick a daybed in there to help with the guest room situation. But Phillip suggested we create office space in the weird little room off our kitchen which I am now going to call The Office. It's always been sort of the KID office, or at least the place where they do all their cutting and coloring and much of their eating, but now it's decked out in white Ikea particle board and I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT. Desk! Mine! YAY!
    • This is the bakery's best month yet. It is also our most expensive month yet! SUPER!
    • I have to submit the corrections to our Cottage Food application by Thursday. 
    • I have to get ready for a PARTY I'm hosting Friday night. I have a lot to do. That list involves shopping, baking, cleaning, arranging, more baking, and picture-taking. 
    • I'm hosting a Noonday Collection party and YOU CAN COME TOO. Sort of. See, you can host a Noonday party as an adoption fees fund raiser - 10% of sales go to an adoptive family to help with costs, and this is in addition to supporting women artisans around the world with your purchase. I think this is the coolest thing. I asked the Noonday "ambassador" to find an adoptive family for me and because 1) I know you guys love awesome jewelry and accessories and 2) you love to support good causes and 3) you are fans of adoption and 4) I would totally invite you if you lived ANYWHERE close to me, you can participate too! Later this week I'll post the link to how you can purchase online and help us raise money for an adoptive family. I have absolutely no connection to them so I have absolutely no shame in drumming up as much money as possible! You can check out the goods here and I promise to post that link soon. I would LOVE for you to join us. Maybe I can send you a champagne cocktail and mini cupcake in the mail? 
    • OH WAIT! I have reread my email! You can order through that link above! Here it is again! Select 'Tarah Voss' as the Ambassador and 'MaggieCheung' is the trunk show name. 
    • You bet I will be posting this link all week. I feel very fund raisy right now. I keep thinking about my old boss who gently chided me for not being profit oriented. And I keep thinking that it turns out I'm VERY profit oriented - just not for HIS business. HA.
    • I am very excited to watch the World Wars documentary on the History Channel. Obvs. 
    • I am furiously hammering this out so I can go watch the Mad Men half-season finale from last night. 
    • The other Big Huge Thing I've noticed from going off the brain meds is that I am no longer napping every single afternoon. And planning my day around when I can nap. And not feeling like I can't do anything else unless I take a nap first. And SURE, maybe I was just tired because I had a baby, like my brain doctor dismissively said, but MAYBE it was the MEDICINE OMG I KEEP GETTING MAD ABOUT THIS. 
    • However I AM too tired to organize and decorate my new desk space, which is ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. I have too much going on this week! I don't have time to artfully arrange mugs full of colored Sharpies! Have you had your eye on any super cute desk accessory stuff? I loved the Martha Stewart line (obvs) at... Staples? Is that where I saw it? But I didn't have a desk to decorate THEN. I probably need to go back. 

    P.S. I HAVE A BAKERY WEBSITE. I sell cookies! They are good for teacher gifts and Father's Day!




    May 07, 2014

    On being my own taskmaster (spoiler: it's not going so great)

    The hours between school pick up and dinner have become the worst hours of my day. I wouldn't say they were ever the BEST hours, but I didn't have to actively prepare myself to Deal like I'm doing this week. Almost as soon as the big kids hop in the car to go home from school I feel done with them. Emma too, by that point. And I feel TERRIBLE about it! They are at school all day! I shouldn't be Ragey Angry Mom as soon as they get in the CAR, right? 

    I really truly do think that the Pr0zac was masking some of my Kid Frustration (or general Mom rage). The lightheadedness was helping me gauge where I was in the withdrawl process (it's almost all gone), but right when I got super lightheaded in the afternoons is right when my frustration with them ramped up. So I think that's part of it, definitely. 


    Most of what sets me off is noise, chatter, and talking at me. I've always felt that I have a pretty high tolerance for Kid Noise, like kid music and playing together and laughing and being silly. But MY GOD it has disappeared. Jack and Molly are SO SILLY the second they get in the car after school and I just can't handle it. I bark at them to shut it and it doesn't stop until dinner. I usually make them a huge snack and we watch a show or two, that's usually a good barrier between school and home, a chance to zone out. Maybe they don't need that zone anymore, though, because it's instant chaos, whether or not they have a giant plate of fruit and crackers and Wild Kratts. They get everything out, they run wild, they start noisy games with each other, they accidentally hurt each other constantly, Emma demands to be part of the fun, and the constant constant requests for more more more. More of everything, please. 

    Since the weather's been getting nicer I've been forcing them into the backyard and everyone is usually happy with that. Even if they don't want to go out initially, their mom isn't out there yelling at them to be quiet or stop being crazy or whatnot. And I feel bad for not feeling like I can deal with them WHEN I HAVEN'T DEALT WITH THEM ALL DAY, but it's not like I'm forcing them into cages or anything. It's outside! Outside is good! 

    Anyway, the Other Part is that I have work to do. I am not yet anywhere near efficient with this bakery thing. It takes me hours to package boxes, and the rest of the time I'm organizing the schedule, updating the bookkeeping, making lists of what comes next, making lists of what we need. I feel like this stuff shouldn't take me nearly as long as it does, but for now that's just how it is and it's kind of a big deal. I spent most of my morning and a bit into EJ's nap boxing up cookies and making sure everything had the right labels and cards and packing and ribbons ETC. ETC. and then I should have sat down and had lunch or something. But I kept going... And I get tired. And I just want a few minutes to myself. Some days there's nothing going on and other days I don't sit down. Right when I DID sit down (with Parks and Recreation and an entire mini watermelon), I got a phone call from the school saying a certain kindergartner wet her pants and needed new clothes. 

    That's my job too. 

    So part of what's going on when the kids are home from school is that I want to finish what I was doing before they got home, and I can't think when they're going a mile a minute. I NEED TO THINK. It's imperative that I am thinking at 100%, right? Part of it's that I'm tired and don't want to listen to them. Part of it is Emma being up from her nap and wanting a drink! snacks! dress up! phone! Kleenex! JACK TOOK MY BAAAALLLLL. 

    I guess today I feel like I had a hard enough time getting my stuff done with there were no big kids and Emma was asleep. And now that they're home I just want them AWAY. GO DO SOMETHING. PLAY OUTSIDE. FIND SOMETHING TO DO THAT IS NOT TALKING TO ME. 

    I don't feel bad for not playing or doing stuff with them. But I do feel bad for having negative tolerance for their after school fun. I'm trying not to be so snappish. for example, been trying VERY VERY HARD not to yell at Molly for being slow. Even though this may be the thing that kills me first, she is not doing it on purpose. It is, I'm afraid, part of who she is. I am dead serious when I say I can't think of anyone who moves slower than she does. Girl can run across the playground in a flash, but the walk to the shoe closet in the morning takes weeks. And God forbid you bark at her to move faster, because that only makes her move slower. The more you shout, the slower she gets, until she's full on paralyzed and you have to go against your entire being and take that massive freak out down to a soft, gentle, "okay, let's go get those shoes over there first" whisper. OH MY GOD IT IS RAGE-MAKING.

    I just put Emma in bed for shrieking at Jack. Jack is half-cleaning up (the only way he supposedly can) the giant mess of blankets and pillows he made in the living room. Molly is wandering around in a daze with two Lego people, talking to herself. I have to make dinner and then I have to do more bakery work and then I have to pass out in my bed. Wait, do I have a husband? Does he fit in there somewhere? 

    May 06, 2014

    Three AM post, fueled by ibuprofen, apple juice, inability to smush my pillow just so

    Don't think I've ever written a blog post at 3 in the morning before. I've caught whatever Molly had this weekend and even though I feel like I handle getting sick pretty well, I feel Slayed. It's just a cold, but it's a really inconvenient cold, if you ask me. Though there's no such thing as a convenient cold, obvs.

    Jack woke us up about an hour ago saying his nose wouldn't stop running and I haven't been able to sleep since. So Jack is sick too - super! Sure hope he's doing better by his birthday party on Saturday! To which I have invited a million people, as I do, and they are probably expecting not to come home with a cold as a party favor, at the very least. 

    I'm obsessing about that, I'm obsessing about the bakery and the list of things I need to do this week. It occurred to me that Jack woke me from a dream in which I tell the housecleaning company that the "adjusted rate" due to "extra time required" is not something I can afford if I also want to tip my cleaner a decent amount. (This is true. I'm annoyed.) But then I also ordered a cake from them? In my dream? And as relations quickly deterioriate I realize they're 1) not going to make me a cake anymore and 2) why do I need someone else to make me a cake when I have a baking business? 

    Three AM posts are not really better than Seven PM posts, are they. 

    ALSO I am really working on losing some weight and I was feeling pumped because the next twoish weeks are prime weight loss weeks ifyaknowwhati'msayin, but not if I can't BREATHE when I'm on the treadmill. GREAT.

    My mind is everywhere tonight. I'm also thinking that Phillip and I need a little vacation, but we just had a serious week-long vacation that required a passport not even a year ago. Some people haven't had a weekend away since they had KIDS, Maggie! You ungrateful whiner. EXCEPT WE DO. We need some time that isn't Managing Everything. At least he need some time with me when I'M not managing everything. 

    Although, if you thought I checked my email a lot before I had Thumbprints, you should see me now. I even answer all my telephone calls. I NEVER ANSWER ALL OF MY CALLS. Are you a number that my phone doesn't recognize? I do not pay any attention to you. But now I do and it takes priority and every afternoon when the big kids are home from school I get shouty and frustrated because I'm trying to check in on the bakery and I can't THINK when they are SO! LOUD!

    I need to try "working" only at certain times. But I don't know if that will work. Is it okay to wait to answer emails? Sometimes Katie needs to know something ASAP. A lot of my job is collecting details to better plan what's going on, and if I postpone collecting details is it okay? I don't know. 

    This is why I can't sleep. Also my sinus headache. 

    But I'm not worried! This is not anxiety or normal person worry. It's more... well, I'm sure it's definitely stress. I don't like to have a lot of things undone, you know? Fulfilling orders is kind of a nutty time for us, surely because we're so new to all of it, but getting that order done is an excellent feeling. A tiny little high and I live on that for a few days and then I'm ready for the next thing. 

    Will there be a time when we don't HAVE a few days (or weeks, who am I kidding) in between orders? How would we even DO that? I might have to introduce some child labor. 

    I need a whiteboard. I feel like a whiteboard would help a lot in this situation. Sometimes an Excel spreadsheet doesn't scratch my visual itch for Massive Wall Of Sense-Making. 

    I should probably try going back to bed. Tomorrow is going to be terrible. Please check in on me to see if I've collapsed from turning all the lights back off (WHAT IS WITH THE LIGHT SWITCH OBSESSION, EJ) and/or fetching one too many snacks. 

    April 29, 2014

    This is the lady that wrote "I am ninety-six and a half!" on our Christmas card

    I am collapsed on my couch, still wearing my cheap black funeral dress, only it's spattered with powdered sugar and smeared with pastry cream. I am BEAT. I funeraled all morning and bakeried all afternoon. It was actually a pretty great day, considering, but spend your morning in heels wrangling a two-year-old at a funeral and your afternoon carefully packing ten dozen cookies for shipment and here you are collapsed on your couch, wishing for one of those Chinese foot rub places to come to YOU. 

    I know I told Twitter, but I probably didn't tell you - my old neighbor passed away last week. She's the 90-something lady who lived across the street from our townhouse and when we met her and found out she'd been going to our church for the last gazillion years, we started driving her. (Would you want your 90-something grandma taking two buses to church every Sunday?) She was what some people call a Tough Old Bird and I always felt like she took a long time to warm up to us, but today I'm remembering that seeing our babies in their car seats on Sunday morning seemed to be a highlight of her week. We never did as much as we should have - I always meant to take her grocery shopping or visit more than once in a blue moon. She never seemed all that interested in us, nothing more than The Nice Young Couple Across The Street With Those Cute Babies. And when I did visit she talked of nothing but her brilliant granddaughters - that's actually who they've been in my mind the last seven years: the Effing Brilliant Granddaughters. All three are PhDs on intense topics who've lived all over the world and I honestly sort of despised them in my mind. OH YEAH I'd think while my neighbor was bragging about the one at Harvard WELL I SWEPT THE KITCHEN TODAY *AND* CLEANED A TOILET. 

    Then today each of those brilliant granddaughters fell all over themselves to thank me for taking care of their beloved grandma, how that grandma apparently talked about US all the time, how they felt we were practically part of their family. Seriously. I had absolutely no intention of going to the reception and NO INTENTION AT ALL of going to cemetery for the burial, but, ah, I did both. I felt so welcomed, you see, and honored and actually like part of their family. So I went to the burial, which was beautiful actually, and I went to the reception, where I got to see a gorgeous wedding portrait and Emma ate cake and the brilliant granddaughters told me funny stories. 

    EJ got a crappy nap and I didn't get to exercise, but it was worth it. I think my favorite part was the drive to the cemetery. My old lady got a POLICE ESCORT through the local streets of North Seattle and it was gloriously sunny and I had the Christian radio station on so my ears were full of "he has conquered death" and OH. It was really wonderful. I think she would have QUITE enjoyed knowing she got a police escort. 

    Phillip just left to hang out with an old grad school friend. The kids are in bed and I have to sort through all the bakery pictures we took this afternoon and update our BUSINESS WEBSITE for mother's day. I possibly have a long night ahead of me. Especially if last night is anything to go by - Molly, at 4:30am: "I have a hair in my throat and it hurts." You THINK you're going to sleep again when they aren't babies anymore BUT THAT'S A LIE.