An explanation of sorts, although I end up even more confused

I stayed home today. It was just what I needed. And I can tell, because I actually feel like writing here instead of staring miserably at the computer screen and wanting to climb into bed instead. Much of that is due to my first grade teacher sister, who is on her summer break and looking for stuff to do, and decided to drive up to Seattle and play with her niece and nephew. And by "play" I mean "babysit while Maggie organizes her life." I promised we'd do something fun next time she makes the trek up here, like the zoo, which is actually NOT fun, but has potential when seen through a two-year-old's eyes. Also: baby gorillas. Who doesn't love a baby gorilla?

I had a very full weekend, an intense Monday and a Tuesday in which we spent all of our waking hours with friends. Those were good days. We had fun. Extra time with grandparents, a movie (The Hangover, recommended by the aforementioned sister, NOT recommended by me, except maybe the Ed Helms musical sequence), a small town carnival, deep thoughts with corporate types, catching up with friends, other people feeding my kids - ALL GOOD STUFF. But last night, after I put my kids to bed, on my own because Phillip was at a baseball game, I was done. Shot through. THE END.

I used to think being an introvert was all about being afraid of large groups of people. Or not having fun at parties or overwhelming shyness when meeting someone new - stuff like that. I started to think that maybe I wasn't an introvert anymore, because now I have all these people I really enjoy. Before we had kids I couldn't stand to spend more than one or two nights a week at home doing nothing. We always had friends over (I MISS YOU JANET, LET'S GO DRINK WINE) or friends had us over or SOMETHING we were doing SOMETHING. And then I had kids and we couldn't get out much in the evenings anymore, but I was meeting even MORE fun people BECAUSE we all had this kid thing in common and I LOVE hanging out with them. I can't say I'm big on large groups, but I'm not exactly afraid of them anymore. I'm just more confident about where I fit in. And I almost always have fun at parties (thank you, wine) and more often than not I am the one wanting to meet the new person. So. Maybe not an introvert?

But then I remember how introversion/extroversion was once described to me, as an indication of where you draw your energy. Do people recharge your batteries? Do you need people around to bring you back to life? Extrovert. Do you need alone time? A few quiet hours on your own to think and process and get back into the swing of things? Introvert. And if this is the criteria, I am, most decidedly, an introvert.

I hate saying that, because everyone knows introverts = not cool, but it's just best for me to suck it up and admit it. Knowledge is power!

I have a hard time remembering though. I think because my kids are so much EASIER when there are other people around. Are yours? And it doesn't have to be Grandma, it can be the next door neighbors. Just someone else to engage Jack's interest, someone who might want to throw a ball around for five minutes. For those five minutes the whining ceases, the kids aren't clawing at me for attention, and I can, you know, use the bathroom without getting shrieked at. So I'm operating from this place of Always Better To Go Out And Do Something when I'm home with the kids. And then I wonder why I'm completely exhausted after three or four days of Nonstop Fun.

But I also don't know if it's time away from PEOPLE or time away from my KIDS. Hmm, this is problematic. The introvert/extrovert thing is not all neatly wrapped up, is it? Right now I am specifically thinking of coffee hour after Mass, which I always want to go to in theory, but am oftentimes completely worn out from wrangling the kids in church and ready to go home. It's not even that they're horrible in church, it's the watching-every-move-they-make so they're not irritating whoever is sitting around us, or making noise, or coloring on the pews or drooling on our neighbor. The constant vigilance. (That's a Thing for me - it's also the most exhausting part of dealing with anxiety.) So even though I want to hang with our church friends and let Jack devour a DOH! NUTT!, sometimes I can barely muster a hello.

OR. It could even be needing a break from packing a toddler lunch and baby lunch to go. What if it was that simple?

Oh dear. Now I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. And even though I stayed home and got a few things back in order (like my sugar snap peas that fell over in the middle of the night, you would not believe how much that was STRESSING ME OUT) I am still tired. Phillip is at a meeting but he'll be home soon and then we're going to watch the last episode of Burn Notice Season One. Now there is something that recharges my batteries: television. Shameful? Maybe. I AM a little too excited about the return of Don Draper.

One of the things I was doing while my sister danced to the Sesame Street soundtrack with Jack was finishing up my post for Parenting. Which should be published sometime tomorrow (Thursday). Blogless Shannon asked if there was anything new on the Multicultural Front and my immediate response was "No, and how lame of us" but then I had the most interesting conversation with my mother-in-law this weekend and VOILA: blog fodder. It's the kind of post that actually requires forty-seven follow up posts, bursting with details and background info, like the fact that my mother-in-law arrived in the United States when she was sixteen and OF COURSE all you would care about when you are sixteen is Fitting In, forget retaining your culture, BLAH BLAH BLAH. But I was too busy misspelling pinying words. Oh well. If you're into the How To Expose Your Kids To Their Heritage talk I'd appreciate your input.

Back later. I think Seven Quick Takes this week is going to take the form of Charlotte's Things That Do Not Suck. Now to come up with a list...

Comments

[Jenn]

Who doesn't love baby gorillas? ME. Not really a fan of the monkey house at the zoo.

[Lindsay]

i get most my news from yahoo dot com and I read a headline there today that the zambian president got peed on by a monkey while giving a speech recently. THAT GUY probably doesn't care for baby gorillas.

[Julie]

Introverts ARE cool!

[Christiana]

Nothing wrong with introverts. I married one. I'm an extrovert, though - my day isn't complete unless I've had interaction with other people (toddlers, especially non verbal ones, don't count). Though I totally get the recharge from a really good TV show. A really good episode of House/NCIS/Lost/Burn Notice can really lift my mood. Even a favorite reruns of Gilmore Girls can make me happier.

BTW - I'm getting into Bones and In Plain Sight have you seen either of them? Do you like them?

[Jen]

I don't know if I am an introvert or an extrovert. Can I be somewhere in between?

[Jenny]

I used to worry about all the cultural stuff but seriously I am too tired to even think about it now. The man reads the paper in Chinese in the bathroom, cantonese drama is blaring on the tv, we went out for dim sum last weekend like we do every other weekend, I make real fried rice whenever I feel like not cooking, we visit the chinese side of the family once a year in Cantonese heaven toronto... for now I am calling it good enough for me. Though I would love to hear what you are doing :)

[Redbecca]

Introverts Unite!
Seriously, I'm one of those on a scale from 1 to 40 you are a 37 type of introverts. Work is enough to exhaust me. I loathe parties although strangely I lived form them in college. Ahem.
However, do I get the 15 minutes of zone time to recharge when I get home though? No, but my EXTROVERT husband does. Hmm, maybe he isn't as extroverty as he thinks he is.

[Charlotte]

Oh, multiculturalism. Well, I happen to be of two multiracial parents who have three multiracial parents between them and I grew up in NYC blissfully unaware of race. I mean, I wasn't Indian with a capital I or explicitly Caucasian or anything else, besides the rampant questions of "what are you?" I just kind of bop along as a New Yorker first and everything else later.

Also an introvert! It's not because I don't like people as a whole but a solid 98% of the population irks me beyond words. Yes, I am a future spinster, Miss Havisham, curmudgeon old bitty with scores of cats, thank you for asking.

[Kate P]

I'm an introvert with a capital IN. I have a book I'm dying to get around to reading called "Introvert Power."

As for the cultural stuff, you do what you can, when it's possible. Each family has its own culture, IMHO.

[Angela Noelle]

Add another to the introvert column. And I do absolutely love hanging out with my friends and doing exciting things. But it must always be followed up by copious amounts of alone time.

And I laughed when you said you drew your energy from the television, because that is exactly what I was thinking of when you were discussing intro/extro. Television or a good book on the sofa and I am happy as a clam.