What's a blog for, if not for being self-absorbed on a Saturday night?

I am thinking about applying for a job. I KNOW.

(Today was lovely, by the way. Perfect tiny birthday party, which frees me from doing anything on his ACTUAL birthday, which is on Mother's Day (which, you'll agree, is Not Cool) as I plan to spend Mother's Day with my Girls at the Snooty Shopping Mall ICANNOTWAIT.)

Just so you know, I did not and do not have a career. I'm an English major, for God's sake, and you all know they end up poor and directionless. There were a few years pre-Jack when I was quite the Ball of Nerves about this, thinking that I was nobody unless I was Striving For Something. It took me a while to realize that that Something didn't necessarily have to come with a fat paycheck and require heels. And, unfortunately for me, my Somethings barely qualify as Somethings, in that I am not now and might never earn a paycheck. We are not just talking motherhood here. People who like to write are not fantastically rich, you know.

All of that to say- this job I'm thinking about applying for (THINKING ABOUT) is not a career. It's actually kind of lame. Way down there on the totem pole. The kind of job for an irritatingly detail-oriented person, someone who might die a thousand deaths if her typo is accidentally published, who enjoys dorking around the computer, a list-maker, an organizer, the kind of person who other people sort of regret putting in charge, because being in charge brings out the Type A Beast. Which is totally me (and, I'm guessing, a lot of you!) (And BEQUIETGRAMMARNERDS, the blog is not a good indication of The Nitpicky- I acutally use the blog to practice IGNORING The Nitpicky.)

I would not give this job a second glance, would not DREAM of considering it, except that it is 1) part time and 2) in an office with which I am very familiar. I enjoy every single person who works in that office. I am a big time fan of what this office does. While it's unlikely they would hire me the minute I volunteer the fact I am interested, I think I have a fairly decent chance. It's not a slam dunk, by far, but the person retiring from the position enthusiastically encouraged me to apply. So, you know, I know people.

It's also, probably, no coincidence that I am thinking about this so close to my What Will Life Be Like If/When Phillip Goes To Grad School drama. (Which reminds me, I meant to reply to those comments and SHOOT how could I forget that and I WILL, I had questions for a lot of you!) I guess I just see this as maybe a potential Something New For Me Too opportunity.

We don't need the money. Which isn't to say we couldn't USE the money. Oh yes, we could use it. I honestly don't have any idea how we are surviving on one paycheck, but we have been, and we are, and, well, we're fine.

I LIKE being a stay-at-home-mom. I DON'T feel like I need to get out of the house on a more frequent or regular basis, or have a no-kid part of my life. I'm not going crazy or feeling isolated or unhappy that my skills (whatever those may be!) are going to waste during this time of my life. I am pretty darn happy where I am.

I have no idea who would watch my kids. This job isn't worth nor does it pay enough for actual daycare. I have a guaranteed babysitter one day a week, but I'd need to go to the office at least three days, ideally four. If I HAD to get a job, if we needed a second income, we would figure something out. But in this situation, where I don't really need to work, and cannot leverage Desperation to coerce the grandmothers or talk myself into a real daycare, I don't see how it would happen. In fact, I SO MUCH have no idea what I would do for childcare that applying for this job is 99% out of the question. Really. Why am I even writing about it?

But that's the thing... why am I still thinking about it?!

I know how to do this job. I'd be good at it.

It's not the kind of job you take home with you. It's easy. It has little to no responsibility. Since the thing with moms who work part time (and full time!) is dividing your attention, and feeling like you're slacking in all areas of your life (I learned this from reading your blogs, did I get it right?), the no responsibility thing appeals to me. It kind of makes me feel like a loser, but it also sounds good.

It'd be something for ME, when Phillip is (hopefully, who knows, we won't know for a while) busy with school and I am not doing anything new. (Although, and maybe some of you have experience, perhaps starting a job is not quite the right kind of "change" for this situation!)

I love where I'd be working. Actually, I'm pretty sure this is why I keep thinking about it. I'd tell you and then I think you'd understand, and maybe some of you could guess, but nope, not gonna say.

I can't though. I really really can't. Even if I wanted it (and wow, writing this post did not help me at ALL in figuring that out, total BLOG FAIL) I can't swing it.

I wonder if this is just A Thing that has Popped Up, or if I'm actually thinking I might want to go back to work. Some day. For a little bit. If it's the second thing, I'm rather suprised at myself. 

Comments

[Carrie]

It sounds like a great job- especially the "leaving the work at the office" part. Because that is the worst part of working, you're right. I hope you can figure out if this is the right decision for you and all the logistics that go along with it. Good luck!

[Kels]

Even if you don't or can't go back to work now, when your kids get older and are in school, it will be MUCH easier for you to work during the day. Good luck figuring it out!

[Corey]

Maybe think about volunteering somewhere for an afternoon a week. I did that when my daughter was about a year. When she was almost two and we needed to get me back in the workforce, I was hired by the non-profit I was volunteering for. It's been a wonderful job and I couldn't be happier!
Anyway, I know this comment doesn't help with the question of the job you are actually talking about, but it's an idea.

[Christiana]

I think if you want it, apply. If you get it, then figure out the childcare thing. God will provide childcare and whatever else is needed if He wants you to have the job, right?

Good for you. If I could find a job w/ some social interaction I would be in heaven.

Can I guess? Is it at the church? :)

[Lindsay]

my guess is also churchy. happy bday to your first born! Frick iPod touches make me look illiterate. Pardon the technical issues with this comment.