In which those of you with cats remove me from Google Reader

I am pretty sure that whenever my neighbors go to change their baby in front of their window (which is where I used to keep OUR pack 'n play, where I would change Molly when she was tiny, which is what I assumed my neighbors were doing, but no, they are changing their table on top of a BAR that stores WINE GLASSES and LIQUOR) they see me sitting at the table in front of my computer. And I bet every single time they think to themselves, "Dear me. That woman obviously has nothing better to do. Should we invite her over again?"

Which reminds me that I didn't tell you about my Big! Neighbor! Playdate! and, actually, a million other things. Perhaps this will be one big Updatey post.

So after MUCH nail-chewing and lip-biting, the oh-so-anticipated neighbor playdate took place last week and was, if I may say so, rather uneventful. Oh wait, no it wasn't, I found out Jack is allergic to cats. (THANK GOD. I HATE CATS.)

(Don't hate me back, cat people. I don't hate YOUR cats. Just all the other cats.)

See, I knew it was going to be problematic when THEY invited US to THEIR house. Those of you with babies in the crawling and walking and older stages, maybe you can relate. You are in charge of something toddlerish, but your friend with the new baby wants to have you over. And you say, "Oh, are you sure you don't want to come HERE?" (Of course, you only say this if you have already made the Obligatory New Baby Visit and the new mom is confident about getting out of the house and blah blah blah. Because you are not a big fat rude meanie.) But no, New Mom wants to host YOU and while that is very nice of her and she is probably going to make you brownies or chocolate chip cookies or at least put out a Hershey bar, she is expecting you to bring your own kid[s] and is telling herself she's going to have her very first playdate how EXCITING but she has no idea what she is getting herself into.

Wait, I take that back. SHE is not really getting herself into ANYTHING. YOU are the one with the problem. You understand immediately that you will not be able to enjoy your friend and her new baby because you will need to keep at least one and a half eyes on your toddler at all times. You are picturing the low shelves in her house that display the pretty vases and picture frames. You are picturing the stereo equipment inside the easily accessible glass-front cabinet. You are picturing the candles and ceramic coasters on the expensive coffee table, the vase sitting on the floor with tall reeds inside, the fireplace pokers, the basket of magazines next to the sofa. These are all things you used to have in YOUR house until the Toddler became The Toddler. At that point you swapped out your sharp-edged and breakable furniture for more durable and softer stuff. You put the candles and photo albums and picture frames away or higher up. You didn't put latches on all the drawers and plastic plugs in all the outlets, but you made sure your new Toddler couldn't reach the remote. And your friend the new mom? SHE HAS NO IDEA.

Anyway. I said, "Oh, are you SURE you don't want to come over HERE?" And they said, "Oh NO, we would love to have YOU over, it'd be GREAT FUN." And I agreed, even though I knew it wasn't true.

So this is how I know they change the baby on top of the bar. (I find this incredibly awesome.) This is also how I know Jack is allergic to cats, because there was absolutely nothing for him to do and nowhere in their house for him to go, so he stayed annoyingly and frustratingly close to me. Until he saw the cat. Jack is a big fan of small creatures and while I am most definitely NOT, I was relieved because: cat! Something to play with! And my shoulders relaxed a little and my extra super nice neighbors were ALL OVER introducing Cat to Jack and bringing out all the cat toys and even letting Jack chase the cat up and down the stairs. (The cat, I'm sure, was not half as amused.) About halfway through our visit Jack started rubbing his eyes, tearing up, sneezing, whimpering, etc. He's been around plenty of cats before and hasn't reacted, but I was assured by my neighbors that this particular cat has a lot of whatever gives people allergies, and that next time Jack came over Cat would be properly... I don't know. De-allergized? Something about a bath? Of course I was secretly tapping my fingers together in glee because both my cat-loving husband and child are allergic (AND I AM NOT) which means I will never have to have one of those animals in my house. YAY ME.

My neighbors have very nice things and very nice furniture and the whole time I was sitting there listing all the things they were going to have to change in nine or ten months. Because I am mean like that. And then they sent me home with a giant plate of decadent fudgy brownies, which made me feel very guilty.

I realize I said I was going to be all Updatey, but I am tired. I have about four hours left of Memorial Day Weekend and I am going to need those to watch television. I realize I have told you not one single thing about my weekend, fabulousness of,.or any of the OTHER fascinating tidbits of my daily life, things I KNOW you are just DYING to read, but the leftover berry pie on my counter is taking precedence. Oh, and THAT reminds me I have a new post up at Hot By Thirty. Talk later? Kisses!

Comments

[annie]

ugh. cats. I used to LOVE them. I begged my parents for one for years and years and years. No more, my friend. No more.

[janey]

Admitting to your disliking of cats and allergies is the surest way to ensure that any cat in the same house as you will single yours out as the one lap it wants to sit on...sorry...

[-R-]

I hate cats too. Luckily, I am allergic to them, so I have an excuse not to have to spend time with them.

If I send you pictures of my house, will you tell me what I need to get rid of when my son starts crawling? You can be like my internet safety expert.

[Elsha]

When my roomates wanted to get a cat in college I was SO GLAD my allergic-to-cats sister was living with us so they couldn't get one. I don't mind cats, I just don't want them living in my house.

[Maggie]

R's comment compels me to clarify: I am not worried about JACKSON'S safety, I am worried about the safety of my neighbors' STUFF. Those of you with toddlers: do YOU keep anything decorative and pretty and breakable on your coffee table anymore? Exactly. Carry on!

[Carrie]

Oh no! Was he okay after he was over here with our cats? Poor Jack! hope he feels better soon.

[Jess]

I like cats fine, as long as they aren't at MY HOUSE. So far I have used the excuse that my mother is allergic to cats to fend Torsten off from getting one. Perhaps I shall upgrade to having an allergy myself.

[-R-]

Oh, just to clarify, I'm worried about my stuff too! (And my kid, of course.)

[Angela Noelle]

Oh man, yet another check in the "OMG, NO!!" column I have going about whether or not I'm ready to have a kid. I didn't even think about having to completely overhaul my decor for the toddler years. I like my things!! More than my child? Probably not... But still, I'm just not ready for that yet...

[Jessica]

I often joke that I will rent Charlie out to people who need to babyproof. 30 minutes is all it will take for them to know every single dangerous item that they need to find a new home for.

My husband and I talk about this stuff all the time. How people invite you over who don't have kids, and suggest that it'd be NO BIG DEAL to bring your almost 2 year old over. You end up not having any fun at all because you're focused on keeping him from destroying all things so you may one day be invited again. Which usually means you end up outside the whole time.. just hoping that it's a nice day that day.

[Christiana]

We had our friend's 18 month old over when our baby was 6 weeks and show us exactly what we needed to babyproof.

I always wanted a cat when I was younger but my father hates them with a purple passion and I wasn't allowed. Spent some time with them as a teen and discovered I was allergic. Oops. Outgrew my cat phase.

[Jen]

I babyproofed (kind of) for my husband and my lack of wanting to dust years ago, so we don't have the breakables about. I mean, I'm still going to have to do some rearranging when Elizabeth becomes a toddler, but not so much.

I'm the opposite. I like cats, nearly all of them. But I only like my dogs, not all dogs.

[Julie]

"(Don't hate me back, cat people. I don't hate YOUR cats. Just all the other cats.)?

This cracked me up. :) You would love my cats. I'm sure of it! LOL...

[Lindsay]

Maybe you just haven't met the right cat yet? I loved my childhood kitties, and love them in theory, but to actually bring one home to MY place that I am fully responsible for? Nahhh.
One of the things that is regularly on the floor in my apartment is a flat iron.....so not safe for children.

[Manda]

FIRST OFF, you are BRILLIANT about the toddler things and the new mom stupidness. OH MY LORD do I love it when I go to another mom's home with a kid in our age range and there's things to play with and relatively low danger. LOVE.

Secondly? Cats go to hell.

:)