In which I feel rather foolish

I am not going to tell you about how my kids slept the best they've slept in months at my PARENTS' house Friday night. And how Phillip and I had the Best! Day! Ever! all by ourselves. And how we have our kids back and neither of them will eat dinner because they are too busy making us deaf with the whining and we are putting them to bed early BECAUSE THAT IS HOW WE WILL SURVIVE.

No, I am going to tell you about how I almost bought myself a supah blingy diamond ring today.

I am in the market for a new engagement ring setting. Sort of. See I have this fab anniversary band, the ring I always wanted, seen here:

Yes, there was an Audible Squeal when I opened this at the restaurant on my third anniversary.

Before that I was wearing a diamond solitaire (diamond from my mother-in-law's engagement ring (her first one, she has since, ah, Traded Up)) and a plain wedding band ($40, purchased in a Let's Just Get One So We Can All Get Out Of This Store huff). There is a long-ish story (which I may or may not have written here, I can't remember, too lazy to look) about my rings and how I got them and what I wanted and then what I found out I really wanted ETC. ETC. ETC. did you know people don't believe you when you say you're engaged unless you have a big rock on your finger? Seriously! MOVING ON.

Anyway. I liked my old rings but I LOVE my new ring. I immediately switched out the old for new and only broke out the engagement ring when I dressed up. Those rings are now at least two sizes too big for me (thank you South Beach Diet!) and I never wear them anymore because they slide off when I walk.

I originally passed on an engagement ring (see: long-ish story) but I happen to HAVE one and I 1) wish that it fit and 2) wish that it looked better with my new wedding band. It doesn't look bad and it'd look better if I got it sized and I'm not into matchy matchy wedding sets, but I don't know. Something about the roundedness of my engagement ring and the straight lines of my band just look off. And I'm a straight lines and right angles kind of girl so... perhaps I am in the market.

I've been informing Phillip that part of Hot By Thirty is rings that fit. Yesterday I went to one of the mall jewelry stores to find out how much that might cost me, and instead of finding out I was told to come back tomorrow (today) because they'd be having a DIAMOND SHOW! with lots of NEW SETTINGS! and wouldn't that be SUCH FUN! Um, yes? My sisters were around to watch TV during naptime so I could drag Phillip to the mall and I was soooo excited.

Phillip, need I even tell you, was not. He was not prepared to 1) spend more than ten minutes inside a jewelry store or 2) spend more than ten dollars inside a jewelry store or 3) look at more than ten I mean ONE ring. I pooh poohed all of this of course because hadn't we been TALKING about a new setting and it's not like we're overrun with opportunities to LOOK etc. I might have been a little bit annoying. Who knows?

Of course, once IN the jewelry store, even though we had discussed The Strategy and I had a very firm idea of what I wanted (which I was pretty sure that particular store wouldn't have) I was weakened by The Sparkly Factor. SPECTACULAR JEWELRY STORE FAIL. And you guys, I feel like I have to underline the fact that I am NOT a jewelry girl. I even HAVE jewelry now (thanks to my father-in-law, the former jeweler, and proud supporter of jewelry shows and giving lovely things to his daughters-in-law) and I don't wear it. It just feels FLASHY. Where do you WEAR this stuff? I am much more of a jewelry fiend than I was when I got married, but there's no way I could go around wearing some of the engagement rings I see. That's just a LOT of RING.

So I was thinking I wanted something very small and thin and delicate, like my anniversary band. I most certainly did NOT want a line of tiny stones to match my anniversary band. Nothing blingy, nothing flashy, as not sticky uppy as possible- just straight lines and simple.

I tell all this to the saleslady, who then pulls out an engagement ring mounting with tiny stones on the sides like my anniversary band, two side stones and giant prongs and OOOOH SPARKLY ME WANT. Well, not once I saw the price, but then the saleslady pulled out THIS ring:

OMG YOU GUYS. I might have been in love. Look at me saying "Oh, I'm not into jewelry! I could never wear those cathedral settings and giant rocks!" and then totally drooling over THIS. The center of the ring was just like this, but the sides were like the ring above, which, in my opinion, made it pretty much perfect. It looked gorgeous with my band. It was so... GLITTERY!

Phillip and I spent the next half hour discussing. I'm so embarrassed right now, I can't even tell you. I really feel like I went to duel with a sparkly dragon and the dragon earned the knockout in, like, fifteen seconds. (How many metaphors is that?) WEAK! I wasn't trying to talk Phillip into it, or lobbying, or trying to talk myself into it or even really paying attention to Phillip's stressed-out-but-sounds-kind-of-antagonistic dealings with the saleslady- I was just sitting there being DAZZLED.

We could technically afford it (it was a THIRD of the price of the first ring, which, now that I'm thinking about it, was maybe the saleslady's strategy?) I definitely liked it. It looked beautiful with my band. But... seriously? THIS? If I felt like my ORIGINAL ring was for special occasions, where would I ever wear THIS?

We talked a LONG time. We even agreed to fill out the credit application to buy some more thinking time. In the end I decided we needed some fresh air and if I still wanted it, we'd come back.

We didn't go back. Phillip had stressed his fear of Impulse Buys and Not Shopping Around and all sorts of irritating responsible stuff before we left and I hadn't bothered listening because I was so sure I wouldn't like anything. And now I really liked something, but it would be a TOTAL impulse buy and did I really want THAT RING? I liked it, oh yes, but did I LOVE it? It wasn't at all what I thought I'd want. If I bought it now THAT WOULD BE IT, you know?

I tried calling my sisters at home to get an opinion (or, more likely, a "are you SERIOUS you're doing WHAT?") but I ended up calling my old coworker by mistake, since her name happens to be right above my sister's name in my phone. I told her what I was doing and she said two things: "Diamonds are never a mistake" and "Don't buy anything that makes you feel guilty." Which actually helped. I felt WAY guilty. (I always feel guilty, but this was guilt to the frillionth degree.)

So no. I did not buy this ring. If, weeks from now, I am kicking myself, I can find it somewhere else. Right? But there are so many things we want to buy this summer (birthday bashes, plane tickets, multiple cases of wine for Sacramento, a house with another bedroom so my children start sleeping again) and a RING? No.

Of course, if I HAD bought it, I could be staring dreamily at it RIGHT NOW. That's another saleslady tactic: it's only a one day show! The jeweler is here right now! You could have your diamond set in an HOUR!

SIIIIIIIIIGH.

Comments

[Carrie]

I'm glad you and Phillip had such a great day without the kids! Fun!

Love the ring shopping story- I'm impressed that you were able to walk away- I have no willpower when it comes to sparklies. When we were shopping for my wedding band, the salesperson suggested getting one band for each side of my engagement ring. Daniel looked at me and said "would that be okay with you, to have two diamond bands?" I just stared at him like he was insane. Like I was going to turn down EXTRA sparkly jewelry. :)

[Lindsay]

I hear you on the no one believing you are married or engaged without a ring. For what its worth if P is all about the research/shopping around but not into actual stores you could direct him to novori dot com or bluenile dot com. I know people who've gotten beautiful rings, good knowledge and service from both.

[Charlotte]

Back in the day, when I was engaged, I didn't want a ring. Mostly because I really hated the idea of people grabbing my hand. However, coworker is right on both points. You want to look down and think about how much you love P, not kick yourself over how much you spent on a ring. Maybe for your next anniversary that ends in a zero?

[Becky aka StinkyLemsky]

Hmm, we must have similar taste...
http://stinkylemsky.typepad.com/stinkylemsky_a_child_of_t/2008/12/well-if-you-insist.html

I agree that it feels strange to wear diamonds while folding laundry - but I put on my ring every morning when I wake up - even though I work from home and I'm the only one who will see it! I just feel like I should get every minute possible of enjoyment out of it :)

[Jess]

I never take my rings off. I love them. Of course the engagement ring is a simple solitaire in a platinum setting and my wedding band is just a plain matching platinum band, but... I heart and adore them and always keep them on.

Anyway, I digress. I think it was very good of you to walk away from the ring. Good job.

[Manda]

DUDE!!
I need to tell you a long story. So, once upon a time I got a beautiful engagement ring. And then my then-fiance and I picked out two matching plain wedding bands online. I could have had ANY wedding band I wanted but instead was all "Sigh, let's get matching! Sigh!" It seemed like the most romantic thing ever. And then I saw someone with DIAMONDS on their wedding band and I was all CRAP! I could have gotten THAT! And so I started whining about getting a second band to go with my set, you know ... to "hold" on my engagement ring (which WAS a bit loose) and I totally picked a diamond eternity band that looks JUST LIKE YOURS. I got it for my 26th birthday. And it is PERFECT. And I've never complained about my wedding set (even in my mind) again.
SO.
This means? Get EXACTLY what you want. And then wear it EVERY day. Your father-in-law will be so proud!!

[Lisa]

Geez, Olivia does that sleeps-better-at-Grandma's thing too. I'm thinking of hiring Grandma as a night nanny for #2. She'd love it.

[Christiana]

I love my engagement ring and wear it every day. My center stone is an heirloom diamond that was my Gramma's (and her godmother's before her) and we didn't get the setting I thought I wanted, but we got one that I absolutely love when we got engaged. I remember thinking it was so big and fancy compared to my friend's 1/2 carat or less solitaires (my diamond is a full carat and my setting has mini diamonds on the sides), but so many of my newer friends have WAY bigger/fancier sets that I sometimes wonder 1) how on EARTH did they afford them? Are they STILL paying them off? and 2) aren't they scared of getting mugged wearing them out? They are beautiful, but so flashy.

I am very much looking forward to upgrading my band, though - we got a small diamond set band for $50 when we were picking out the rings and if that tells you how badly it needs replacing then you understand.

I am so glad you had a wonderful day off from the kids!
Here's to more nights where they sleep well!

[Angela Noelle]

Oh, how I adore rings like that! I tried a couple on, but Colby thought they were dumb and old looking because he is a boy and has no taste and then I found the ring I have now and loved it... but even so... sigh...

And honestly, you do not have to be dressed up to wear an engagement ring--sure it's fancy, but it's just one of those things that you can get away with. If you love it and you can get past the guilt, go for it. And then wear it always ;)

[jackie]

Another "got engaged without an engagement ring" here...LOL.

Love the sparklies, btw. We looked at eternity bands when we got engaged, and I passed on it because I couldn't figure out what would be "appropriate" and "traditional". LOL. Now, I would much rather wear just the one eternity band than the "wedding set", but I still like my plain-and-simple rings.

[Jen]

Do you ever think that the grandparents of the world just say that the children sleep better there so that they can have them more often?

I always want jewelry when I am in the jewelry store but when I leave I think of how much trouble it is to wear. I think it is the sparkly jewelry store lighting.

[annie]

Oooh. I love it! It's got that antique-y setting but it's not set up hight, right? That's the only thing that makes me crazy about my engagement ring is that I'm ALWAYS banging it against things because it's kinda tall. Anyway. My husband has always been of the opinion that when it comes to wedding rings, the bigger (yet more classic) the better. It will become a family heirloom, he says, so it must be treated well. For that reason, he can't understand why I wear it all the time. He things engagement ring is supposed to come out for "engagements" like going to Mass, out to dinner, etc. Not for going to Target and changing diapers - the two main things I do with my time! I do wear mine all the time, though, much to his chagrine. Except to sleep. Usually I take it off for that.

Tim will often talk about the day when we'll upgrade, which I cannot even bear to think about. I tell him he'll just have to buy me a new diamond because this one? Our WEDDING RINGS that we got for our WEDDING will NEVER go back to the jewelry store. Never.

[Lindsay]

I, too, have found the guilt question to be a very helpful deciding factor in virtually everything. It is not the bottom line, but it is very helpful.

[Elsha]

That ring is gorgeous! I'm not a big jewelry person myself, but I love looking at the sparkly rings.

[Kate P]

That is beautiful. . . but you know, the one that's really meant for you won't get away, IMHO.

Of course, I'm a Libra--we love nice things and never hesitate to snap them up. (But that would mean your b-day would be later in the year and I'd hate to make you wait for your hotness party.)

[Christina]

I can SO relate to this. Only a little more so, I think. We got the dirt poor college students ring set when we got married. And then I lost the engagement ring part about 5 years ago. (I loved that ring, but the nicest completement I ever got was that it was so "delicate" which is a very sweet way of saying "microscopic"). So now I just have a very "delicate" wedding band. I am not a jewlery person - even my delicate diamond used to poke Hubby when we held hands and sometimes felt like it was too much on my finger. But lately? I'm dreaming of bling. But like you, there are SO many other things that we want to spend money on, a shiny ring for me seems kind of wasteful and selfish. But I still want it anyway. Sigh.