My frillionth exercise in humility

We had Jack sit with us in church today. Sure, the nursery is easy, but 1) everyone comes down with something vaguely Plague-ish on Mondays, tired of that and 2) I miss him. I want him to sit in church. Last week he did great. This week: not so much.

He wasn't HORRIBLE. He wasn't AWFUL. He wasn't a TOTAL pest. But he wanted to tear through the diaper bag and bang a toy on the pew and jump on the kneeler. He is not a Sits Still kind of kid, and whenever I attempt to get him to sit still with a book or even just draw quietly on the bulletin, he says, "No!No!No!No!No!" in a voice that is just a SMIDGE too loud for church and then he wins.

There wasn't much to be done about him this morning. He was tired and crabby and whiny. He was crawling all over and complaining and pointing to the windows and demanding, "OWSIGH." And the one Sunday I let Phillip choose where to sit, he picks a row that's way up front, near people I don't know, and too far from the other families with babies to blame Jack's misbehavior on some other kid. There is a REASON all of us with babies tend to clump together at the ends of the pews. POWER IN NUMBERS.

There was a family in front of us- a mom, a dad and a tween-ish girl between them. I didn't recognize them. Whenever Molly fussed or our attempts to turn down the Jack Volume failed, the woman would turn around and look at my kids. Not at me, them. Directing her irritation with the perpetrators, I guessed. IT WAS STRESSING ME OUT. She looked a little older, with a turned down mouth and judgmental eyes outlined in black. Molly smacked her bottle away (crack! on the floor) and the woman turned around. Jack flipped out when we took the little pencil away (drawing! on the pew!) and the woman turned around. Sometimes the girl turned around too, and then she and her mother would conference. Sometimes they'd turn around when NOTHING WAS GOING ON.

Instead of listening to the homily or listening to the prayers of the faithful, I imagined all the things this woman was thinking, and the things she and her snotty daughter were saying to each other. Why don't they take that brat out? Why are they sitting up front? Why aren't they sitting in the back with the other babies, or, better yet, in the cry room? I bet she thinks all the noise that baby's making is cute, but it's distracting. And they're letting that 2-year-old do whatever he wants. What are they thinking? What is wrong with parents these days?

I was angry. This is MY church. Who are YOU? And so what, we sat closer to the grownups than the babies this time. It's not like they're screaming and hollering. And when Jack got out of control, Phillip took him out. Yes, it's embarrassing that Jack won't behave, and embarrassing that I haven't figured out how to control him, but no one ELSE is giving me a hard time about this. Well, except myself, and I'm hard enough on myself, thank you, without you looking disapprovingly over your shoulder 400 times before communion. Gah! Stop it!

No, seriously, I was UPSET. I'm not big on POSITIVE attention let alone NEGATIVE attention, and my embarrassment threshold when it comes to Jack acting out is very very low. I'm sure Phillip would have kept him in the pew if I hadn't given him the GET HIM OUTTA HERE look. (Guess which one of us is the paranoid people pleaser! Guess!)

I was dreading the warm fuzzy hand shaking time. I air-kissed our neighbor (who thinks my kids are adorable, thankyouverymuch, and is often just as loud as THEY are with all her, "Oh, you're such a sweet baby today!" and "He's such a happy boy!" I don't think SHE listens to the homily either.) I shook hands with the people behind us. And then I sucked it up for the hand shakes with the woman in front of me. Who took my hand, looked deep into my eyes, smiled and said, "Dear, your children are darling, just darling."

I SO need to go to confession.

Comments

[Lindsay]

I am howling over here. This is one of your best posts ever. Lent must bring it out of you....Martha Martha is still my fave blog post here but still. I stare at babies non stop in church...I wish all the babies were at the front so I didnt have to turn my head around.

[anonymous]

Ha ha ha! Hilarious!

[Charlotte]

Confession: I sneer a babies and the people who have them. Why? Because I want to look at the cuteness, at the dimpled hands and the wide eyes, so I just steal a lot of sidewards glances. I think that if you make prolonged eye contact you get sucked into the abyss and wake up in a dense fog on a farm with a dozen children begging for supper. Personal opinion. So I just pretend to be impatient and somewhat annoyed but really want to hold every single baby I see.

[Christina]

I know that feeling, that everyone is watching and every sound your child makes is amplified 1000 times by the fact that you are in CHURCH. I even get bothered by my older kids squirming during the service. (I'm definitely part of the problem - so! easily! distracted!). But I was thinking as I read your post "If that was me in front of her, I'd be sneaking peeks and whispering to my daughter about how adorable those kids are!" - So I'm glad that's just what she was doing! :-)

[Kathleen]

I get embarrassed too, but it helps that several people have told us how wonderful it is that we are there. I've learned to just tell people we are making our joyful noise unto the Lord!

[Jen Pierce]

:) we've been doing the communion quick exit thing, lately. B is just NOT into Mass.

[Jen]

I like to look at the cute babies in church too. And yours are Cute.

[Liz]

HAHAHAHA! First, the safety in numbers. Then? You ALWAYS assume people are thinking bad things about your sweet babies or your parenting, and I bet you they really NEVER are. You're perfect and so are they.

[Manda]

Um, my MOM is SO the devil stare lady!! And she really means it. Once she took a rattle away from her OWN GRANDCHILD (who was 6 months old) in church because it was too "distracting." Did I mention that my husband is the PASTOR and we have like TWENTY people in our congregation? Who all think anything our kid does is AWESOME?
*wilt*

[Sheila]

I definitely agree with the safety in numbers theory. Every Saturday night at Mass, there's a crowd of women in the back few rows with strollers and car seats/carriers. If my husband and I manage to go together, it's pretty easy because we can pass our 4 month old back and forth between us. If I'm by myself, I'm definitely in the back. And after church, all the ladies come by and comment on how cute/happy/sweet/chubby/ he is.

[Christiana]

I know how many times I've looked at a cute baby who is making the slightest noise to think about how cute they are and to sympathize with the mom. It's totally not a judgment thing.

[Jessica]

(((hugs))))
Dylan will not go to church if the nursery is closed or I have to work and we can't go at 9am. Just won't do it. I went to Mass last night at 7:30pm with Van. Alone.
(((hugs))).
Stupid judgmental lady. I guarantee your priest didn't care at all.
You're CATHOLIC. We have a lot of kids. Get over it. Just because your screaming toddler is now a tween doesn't mean she never fussed in public. Gah. I'm mad for you.

[Lori]

Jack is only 2 and even though he seems like such a big boy with Molly around, he is still very young to be expected to sit still for that long. Patience and perseverance, sweet Maggie. My husband is a pastor, so it felt even more important that our son behave in church. But, we took him to the nursery until he was about 3. Then we had things he could play with during the sermon, but he had to sit until the sermon, then he could color or play quietly with the "quiet" toy we brought. Eventually he was able to make it all the way through. They all learn to sit still eventually and he will too. You are a good mom and you love your babies. Don't be so hard on yourself!

[Jessica]

HA! I got angry and started to comment before I actually finished reading the blog.
So sorry to the lady I just called stupid and judgmental. Oops.

[Kate P]

Aw, just consider it a reminder of how cute your kids are (you forget because they're with you all the time, right?). This story gets a mention on my blog tonight--to my family, what's Palm Sunday without babies at Mass???

[Lindsay]

Ugh. I REALLY hope mothers don't think I'm giving them evil looks, because I do that during Mass all the time whenever I'm home and there are little children around. I just don't encounter young children in Boston--or rarely, anyway--so it's always such a novelty to me. Even when kids are screaming and crying, I'll look back at them. Not out of annoyance, but out of...hmm, I don't know. It's just...neat. They're a novel curiosity, and I feel like I have to soak it all up since it rarely happens. And now I'm paranoid that there are many mothers out there thinking I am the spawn of Satan.