Giving myself a break

I tend to think I can accomplish anything. I don't mean becoming President (the existence of this blog pretty much rules that out, don'tcha think?) but, like, going to the grocery store, visiting a friend, baking some cookies AND getting dinner ready all in one afternoon, with a whiny kid and a headache. I mean, it just doesn't occur to me that I could and maybe should cut some things out. Right now, for example, I am staring at my calendar strategizing how I will spend all of Halloween day at my folks' house and then host a baby shower the very next morning. I want to do both so I CAN do both.

Some of you (and people in my Real Life) would get on to me about trying to do too much, especially when I was first pregnant with Molly. It's OKAY to stay home. Right? You're not feeling well, Jack is a handful, how ARE you supposed to get out of the house? But that wasn't really acceptable to me. I hate feeling constricted! I understood the logic, but I still wanted to do what I wanted to do.

I think two kids has finally hit this idea home for me. I know that at some point I will feel confident getting the three of us outside (in my yet-to-be-purchased double stroller, of course!) but right now I am not at all interested in the amount of work it entails. And yesterday, when we were all sick and grumpy, I didn't even get us all ready until eleven or so in the morning. Rather than feeling discouraged, I was just relieved I didn't have long to wait until nap time!

I had to slow down a little with Jack, but the addition of Molly has REALLY halted things around here. I mean, just breastfeeding alone makes sure you can't get anything done. But (and I am whispering this, so I don't jinx anything) I am sort of enjoying it. It's like there was always this part of me that wanted to take things slowly and now I'm practically forced to do so. And it's not like I'm accustomed to getting 400 things done before lunch time. But where I used to berate myself for only getting three things done, now I'm congratulating myself on doing ONE. I unloaded the dishwasher today: GO ME!

I'm almost looking forward to fall this year. When was the last time THAT happened? Usually I am so entrenched in being afraid of the dark that it snuffs out all the fun of fall. The holidays, the food, the cozy evenings, lighting candles... But a few times lately I've caught myself thinking ooh, I love fall! and wondering who kidnapped me and replaced me with this pro-autumn person. I just haven't had a lot of time to think about the next month, let alone the next day.

I'm not thinking this will last. I mean, hopefully two kids isn't ALWAYS going to feel like so much work. But I think this interim time, when it takes me an hour just to get us into the car, is good for me. For the first time I can think of, I'm very much wrapped up in the present. What am I supposed to be doing right NOW? Right now I'm giving Jack Cheerios while he decompresses with Curious George (oh my GOD, the YELLING, I know your nose is stuffy but must we have all the YELLING?) and waiting for Molly to ring her breakfast bell. I might get around to baths this morning, but that's as far as our Tuesday goes.

Comments

[Jen]

Oh, my, your little baby looks so big next to your newer, littler baby! I can't get over that.

I am also looking forward to fall this year. And making soups.

[Christina]

Hooray for the new mindset! That was a big thing for me too... to stop feeling like I had to have a long list of Real Accomplishments at the end of each day. Ha, who am I kidding? I still struggle with this. The whole world just seems to spin so fast these days and it really is nice when you can get off the ride and just enjoy *being* with your kids and the slow rhythm of the day.

[Jess]

It sounds so lovely! I want some time like that.

[Ellie]

Oh, that picture is the sweetest thing.

I have to say, your post made me feel better. I'm one of those people that feels terribly accomplished if I get the dishes done for any given day (especially now that I'm back to work). The "what's happening right now?" philosophy sounds like a good one.

[Lisa]

Oh, heavens. That picture is too cute for words! I hear you on the slowing down thing. I get frustrated some days with just one, and it is such an adjustment to our expectations. It's good for us, though, to recognize that we aren't always in control. Who are we kidding? At this stage, the babies are in control, at least in control of our schedule!

[Annie Corson]

Dare I say I am jealous of this slow life? I so look forward to slowing down, but fear I will be incapable of doing so. I can barely get myself out the door on time and can only imagine the challenge of getting you AND 2 little ones ready.
Savor! Enjoy!