Whether or not to fall down on the job

At his one-year appointment, Jack's pediatrician asked us if he was saying any words. Phillip and I offered "DA!" as evidence that sound actually does emit from Jack's mouth, but we did have to admit that "DA!" covered everything from "Daddy" to "Doggie" to "The Roomba is coming to eat me." The pediatrician told us that if Jack didn't have one or two or three words by fifteen months, to schedule an appointment.

I didn't think much about this at first (hello! three months away!) but it settled into the back of my mind as The Deadline. As in: must say his first word by fifteen months OR ELSE.

On February 29, 2008 (not that I am obsessive about dates by ANY MEANS) Jack said "Mama". He said "Mama" THREE TIMES and my little sister was present which was extra useful when I needed her to say no, Maggie isn't making it up. But he never said Mama again, or anything else. That said! I want you to know that my level of Freak Out on this subject is pretty low. All kinds of people have told me this is no big deal, not unusual, boys are often slower on the talking thing, he IS communicating, blah blah blah (including you kind people!) and REALLY, I am not freaking out. In the past month or so there's been a communication explosion in our house- pointing, different sounds and tones of voice, facial expressions, different cries and yells, even babble that sounds like talking. Yesterday some friends with a baby visited and Jack took this baby over to the corner of the room where the Roomba lives, pointed at it and proceeded to "talk" to his friend. I imagine he was saying, "This is the Roomba, it tries to eat me, if I were you I'd stay away." So it wasn't English, but it was definitely some kind of starter version. And I can't count the number of people who've remarked, "Oh, he's going to start talking any minute," after listening to him.

Also, I have my mother and mothers of her generation constantly telling me it's No Big Deal. "Your sister didn't say her first words till she was fourteen," my mother said recently. "Remember? We called her 'Helen'?" (As in: Helen Keller. My family is MEAN, people, MEAN.)

As you know, I haven't spent a lot of time reading books about development or anything like that. As far as I can tell, Jack has hit all the appropriate milestones and seems to be Just Fine. If the doctor hadn't said anything I wonder if I'd even be thinking about it.

Still, I have The Deadline in the back of my head. Jack is fourteen months and a week or two and I am not sure whether to schedule an appointment with the doctor or pour another glass of wine and roll my eyes at the whole thing.

(This is also how I'm feeling about the Egg Allergy issue. I planned to give him eggs again a few months after his reaction (which would be about now, although I'm sort of nervous about it.) But the ped said I should also schedule an appointment with an allergist SO THE ALLERGIST CAN POKE HOLES ALL OVER MY BABY because, you know, allergies are a big deal and I don't want to fall down on the mommy job. DO I?)

Comments

[Emily]

I vote relax, but this is because it's what I am currently practicing myself. Asher said something like five words at around a year, and didn't add to that vocabulary until, well, until LAST WEEK. I decided it was Annoying more than it was Abnormal, so we're going with the flow around here. If you're really worried, give him an extra month. Make 16 months your deadline and reassess. It won't make much of a difference.

Hope your birthday celebration was fun!

[Carrie]

15 months seems a little early to worry, to me. Ethan babbles a lot and says "Guh", but no sign of words, and he's almost a year old. My cousin is almost 2 1/2 and his conversations dont go beyond "mama", "dada" and "buh". I think boys are just way slower on the talking issue (and sadly, most of them never outgrow it...)

[Jen]

My vote is to just wait a little longer. Especially with the communication explosion. He sounds just fine to me. :)

[Caron]

My daughter wasn't saying any words other than "mama" by her 15 month checkup and the ped referred me to another doctor to check her hearing. I couldn't get an appointment until eight weeks later but two weeks later she said the word "ball" and she has not stopped talking since (she's now almost 3). My son is a few weeks older than Jack and he only says "mama" and "hi" and that is only when he feels like it. I really don't think you need to worry about the talking as long as he is communicating in other ways.

[Kate P]

Oh, yes, the doctor made my mom all worried about my younger sister like that (hearing loss suggestion, like Caron said). To the point where before a trip to the doctor my mom would be coaching her, "Now remember, when we see Dr. _____, you're going to say, "Good morning, Dr. _______." In a sing-song-y way that the rest of the family imitated as we giggled. Sis refused and continued to get by with pointing and whining.

She let the full sentences rip around age 3--partly b/c she realized she had to talk to get people's attention--and hasn't shut up since. But I mean that in the most loving way possible. The cell phone company loves her, too.

[Elizabeth]

E dog is 17 months and says a few things, but not many recognizable words. That being said, he didn't walk until very recently and the ped said if he wasn't walking by 18 months, we should do PT. I obsessed and worried and freaked out for months and then one day he just sort of starting doing it. So I get the freaking out, but I imagine it will happen the same way with words. Our boys, they do love to worry us.

Also, this is total assvice, so ignore if you want, but I have heard from an actual doctor that the allergy doctor skin scratch tests with the needles and such are complete bunk, and will show allergies for many many things you are not actually allergic to. There is an upper tier specialist allergy doctor (can't remember the name of course) who does blood tests, I think, and those are the only reliable indicators. Or you could just give him some eggs.

[Kathleen]

I have to comment to let you know that I know exactly where you are coming from. My oldest daughter, now 3, babbled as a baby, but wasn't really saying words by 1 year. We didn't think anything was wrong, but her doc wanted to keep on top for early intervention, which she ended up getting. Her doc made us come back at 15 mo., but still no words. I started doing some of that baby sign language with her and she took off on that but wasn't verbalizing. At 18 mo. we had to go back to the doc who sent her for a hearing test (I KNEW it'd be normal and was). At 21 mo. we went back. A week before her 2nd birthday she called me "MomMom" for the first time (greatest day of my LIFE!), but her doc ordered speech therapy. We went for as many visits as our insurance would allow and she took off on talking. I am quite certain more from she was just ready at that time than the therapy did much. It's frustrating, it makes you feel like a horrible mother, and while it's hard, you have to fight that feeling. It's nothing you do wrong and they just talk when they are darn well ready. Just keep doing what you are doing, look up some signs if he seems to need a way to get his opinion across until he finds the words. By the way, my daughter has caught up to "normal" for her age (caught up in 6 months, mind you), talks ALL the time, and may have a future in play-by-play analysis because she narrates everything everyone does. Good luck. He's perfectly normal and will talk your ear off when he's ready!

[Charlotte]

I'm in my twenties and I communicate mostly in scoffs and eyerolls. I have a nagging suspicion that you won't feel 100% kosher (even if you know he's totally fine and despite any reassurance) unless you take him in. He'll start talking when he's ready so in the mean time the preservation of your sanity gets first billing.

[jennifer]

I have a friend who is a speech therapist.

a) the words don't have to be words others understand clearly just words he seems to use meaningfully

b) most important is the number of words he seems to understand--20 or more is about average for this age

[Becky]

Okay, I think this makes me mean too, but I totally giggled at your Helen comment. I'm soooo going to evil.
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/