Labor's starting to look pretty good

It's 5:30 in the morning. I came downstairs at 4:30. I think I've been awake since 3:30.

When I went to bed I had dark thoughts swirling in my head. I was uncomfortable. I fell asleep eventually, but I woke up when one of my arms was doing that "I am about to turn black and fall off!" code red alert to my brain. And I couldn't get comfortable again. My whole body ached. My feet, my calves, my thighs, my arms, my neck, my back. I dug my old pregnancy pillow out from under the bed, but that made me more uncomfortable. After a while I decided that if I was going to be uncomfortable I might as well be watching the early national news programs I always miss from being out here on the West Coast.

I thought I'd fall back asleep on the couch. But I made a peanut butter sandwich. And started reading blogs. Here's my new favorite site.

Phillip came down to check on me and that's when I cried. Just a little. Because my legs are just aching and I have no idea why. Because I haven't had time to go to a yoga class or bust out that 'Fit Mama' DVD a friend let me borrow when I was pregnant with Jack. I'm so tired. And did I mention Phillip is working late tonight? And can't tell me when he'll be home? And he'll be working late again on Thursday?

Around 10:30 Jack and I will meet some friends at a park. There's supposed to be a steel drums concert at noon if we can make it that long. That's my big plan for the day. I hope to God he takes a long afternoon nap. And somehow I will make it through the afternoon and evening. Yesterday he started to get whiny around dinnertime, his fingers jammed in his mouth. We gave him Motrin at bedtime, thinking the teeth are starting back up. Poor little guy.

I get scared thinking about how I will get through a day alone. We go to the zoo, we go to the wading pool, we visit friends, we run errands. My mom is always surprised when I tell her what we did that day, because I'm always saying how tired I am. But staying home is not an option. I get exhausted entertaining Jack at home. He's pretty good about playing by himself, but the minutes just drag by. At the wading pool, on the other hand, we're both having fun and it's practically time for dinner by the time we get home.

Sometimes I get on a roll in the house. I'll start cleaning or organizing or doing fifteen loads of laundry. Jack likes to "help". He seems to be fine doing his own thing (unless I am sitting at the computer, he can't STAND me sitting at the computer). I'll stick him in the high chair and wash the floor. Or do the dishes. Or bake something. But most of the time he is playing with his stacking cups and I am sitting on the couch, totally bored, watching the clock tick time.

But I don't want to be doing anything else, you know? It has occurred to me that pregnancy could have been just as uncomfortable the first time around as it is this time, except I wasn't hauling a kid through the house all day. I went to work and sat at a desk for 8 hours. I went to bed when I felt like it. I woke up with an alarm and slept in on weekends. I napped when I got home from work. I went to yoga and planned the nursery and sat in the brand new upholstered rocker, imagining our new baby sleeping inside the new crib.

This time I'm carrying 20 some pounds up and down the stairs all day. I wake up early and go to bed late. I don't always nap when I have the chance. I don't go to yoga because we want to spend time with each other. I didn't bother to take my doctor up on her offer to prescribe pregnancy massage (PRESCRIBE!) because I didn't know when I'd actually get around to scheduling it.

I'm so tired. Everything hurts. Does anyone want to come over for dinner? I have a frozen pizza. And a bottle of wine I'm saving for when this baby is finally born, but I'll open it for you.

Comments

[Jennifer]

I'm so right there with you. Except Jim never has to work late and my parents are helping me so I can really, really sympathize that you are having a difficult time without that extra help that I'm lucky enough to have.

I could not sleep from discomfort last night either and then I'm tortured by the fact that I will suffer all day the next day from being overwhelmingly tired. My problem aren't aches and pains but a UTI (3 months I tell you, I've had it for THREE MONTHS) and my heart trouble.

I'm always amazed at how much going out you are doing. I only go out with B if my mom or Jim come with me. It's too exhausting to haul her in and out of the car and carry packages or whatever else in the heat by myself. I went to the beach yesterday and even with Jim there to help I thought I might die by the end of the excursion. Literally die.

Can you make more peace with doing nothing? Honestly, this is the "period of confinement"--they instituted that practice for a reason. You need to conserve energy.

And WHY can't our babies let us sit at the computer? They must sense how much of our attention it takes up. I can't blame them for being jealous I guess.

[Jess]

I want to come over. And I'll even let you keep your wine. Also, I'm sure the aches are just generally pregnancy-related, but are you getting enough calcium? One of the first symptoms of a calcium deficiency is unexplained aching and muscle soreness.

Feel better soon! I hope this feeling passes.

[Kate P]

Sorry you're so achy. (I have to applaud you for not swearing b/c I'd be if I hadn't been sleeping.) If I weren't on the wrong side of the country, I'd totally come over for wine, and bring dessert.

Hope you get to the concert and it is great.

[Rosemary]

I just said a prayer that you would feel better! It sounds really hard - the fatigue is a killer. I would love to come over but I'm thousands of miles away. . . wish I could watch Jack while you got a nap. . .

[Charlotte]

Oh, poor dear. Do feel better. If I were in your achy situation I'd probably be in a homicidal rage. I sympathize about the sleeping bit. I actually sleep like a horse, only catching an hour or two here and there throughout the day. I spend the wee hours reading, writing or trying to stay otherwise entertained. I can only imagine how that would be accompanied by the aches. You're an absolute trouper.

[Jen]

I'll come over. I haven't had pizza for ages. I'll complain about my hips hurting and you can complain about whatever you want.

[Elizabeth]

You are scaring the crap out of me!
It sounds torturous! I agree, give yourself permission to do nothing more than sit around for a few days.

I don't know what it is but Eli also HATES when I'm on the computer so I've just given up things go much better that way.

I honestly could not tell you what I do with my day. Gardening takes up a lot of time?
I do pretty much count every minute from about 3:30 on though.

Move to California and I'll totally take up on that pizza. And wine. Don't forget the wine.

I really hope things get better (and less exhausting!) soon!

[Liz]

The only reason I get out anymore is that I'm convincing myself that if I go for a walk or whatever that will convince this baby to come soon. Also with your bored sitting time, maybe you should take up knitting! :)

[Manda]

Pizza and booze sounds REALLY GOOD right now.
And I think I'm willing to fly out and see your doctor with the whole prescribed massage thing. OH. MY. GOODNESS.