From the I've Been Meaning To Post This File

I've been planning to write this post for, oh, nearly fifteen months? And I haven't quite gotten around to it because, oh, it seems about five hundred percent less important than it did fifteen months ago? Something like that.

If you are one of those poor souls who have nothing better to do and have been hanging around this website since the pre-Jackson days, you may remember some neurotic handwringing (a Mighty Maggie specialty!) over having myself a half Asian half white baby. Culture! Language! Food! WILL HE LOOK LIKE ME?

And the Internet says to itself, "THANK GOD HE DOESN'T." (Also! Gratuitous third trimester photo! Oh, the horror! Now stop asking!)

I might not have written as much about that last one, but I confess it's the one that took up most of my thinking time. For someone who had done plentiful research on international adoption and who claimed to not care about biological ties, I was pretty concerned about whether or not my kid was going to look like me. I am well acquainted with over a dozen hapa babies and they fill the whole spectrum, from "you would never ever guess that kid has an Asian parent" to "you would never ever guess that kid has a white parent." But I think I assumed, maybe because I knew he was a boy, that I was having a mini Phillip. Not that I wasn't excited to unleash another Devastatingly Handsome Chinese Boy on the world, but gosh I hoped I could find some of me in his face.

When he was born I couldn't find any trace of myself in that wrinkled old man face. But I couldn't find any trace of Phillip either. He started filling out a bit and right around then, even though I still couldn't see any resemblance to me OR Phillip, I had absolutely no doubt that he was the cutest boy in the universe. (Note: I did not think this until he started to gain weight. Until then I was certain that he was the cutest wrinkly old MAN in the universe.)

RIGHT?

Because... I just think that's what you THINK. I don't know how many times I've been in waiting rooms or play groups or church and thought, "There are some really cute kids here! But none of them are as cute as Jack." AND I BELIEVE THAT. Even though I am well aware that children are not made equally adorable, but I sincerely doubt that any one of us thinks our own kid falls into the lesser category.

Not MY kiddo.

And that sort of negated the whole Will He Look Like Me thing. I still don't think he looks anything like me. I don't think he looks like Phillip either. Some people say he looks a little like Phillip, some people (mostly Phillip's family) says he has some of my dad's features, but for the most part the comment is, "He's a good mix."

I suppose this is why I haven't spent one iota of time wondering about what New Baby is going to look like. Wait, that's not exactly true. I do wonder whether she'll look like Jack, the way my brothers and sisters and I are so obviously related. Or if she'll look different, the way I would never guess that Phillip and his brother are from the same family. But I don't care if she doesn't look like me. She probably won't. That's probably a good thing. (See gratuitous third trimester photo.)

I wondered if having a mixed race baby was going to throw me into spirals of Doubt and Confusion and Guilt. I suppose there's still time for that, seeing as how he's not really old enough to know he's got one Chinese parent and one Caucasian parent. But right now it's more Puffed Out Pride in how beautiful my kid is- MY kid.

Even if he's got a plug in his mouth. And for God's sake, can someone please remind me to brush my hair once in a while?

And for you advice-givers, I'm at Parenting today asking what I'm supposed to do with my kid when we go to the hospital. I'm guessing I can't pack him in my bag.

Comments

[Tara]

He is quite adorable (third party speaking here!)

I've made it this far being half and half and it has not been too traumatic. :-)

[jennifer]

you look fabulous--and no you don't look like you are in your third trimester and that IS a compliment (please see me in dress with the goodyear branding)--and Jack is so VERY, VERY cute it is almost absurd.

And get a load of the wicked tan he is sporting, even in the Pacific northwest. You'll need a baseball bat for all the little chickies flocking around him circa 2019...

[Lindsay]

Jackson really is a handsome little devil. :o) And, uh, he totally has your hair. ;) I have no doubt that his little sister will be just as lovely.

You look as beautiful as ever, Maggie.

[Carrie]

I remember when Daniel and I were newlyweds, and it finally dawned on me that my children would not be little blonde babies, as I was when I was little! That was weird. And it was true, but Ethan pretty much is my identical twin otherwise, so I got over the blonde thing. I do wonder sometimes what a second kid would look like, if we'll end up with one that looks very Caucasian (as Ethan does now) and one who looks Asian. I know Daniel's family would love to have a kid that at least vaguely looks Chinese!

It's nice to live in Seattle where so many people are from mixed backgrounds. Most of Ethan's church friends are mixed race, and we are glad he's going to grow up with friends who are both diverse and like him at the same time. Kind of fun.

[Carrie]

Oh, and Jackson is just so cute and smily! And you look great!

[Lindsay]

The cuteness is overwhelming. Man, little people are cute!

[Dr. Maureen]

Funny you should write this; when MY Jack was born,I thought he looked like Andrew, inasmuch as you can think a newborn looks like anyone. But it was only because of his pointy pointy chin. And as he filled out, I thought his resemblance to Andrew became magnified. But now? I think he looks like Jack. I see neither me nor Andrew in there. (Except for the chin, which is still 100% Andrew.) Other people tell me he looks more like me now, but I don't see it at all. I just see Jack. Adorable, adorable Jack.

What was that you said about thinking our own kids are firmly in the "cuter than average" camp?

[Kate P]

Sometimes I think you don't look OLD enough to be his mom, but- oh, wait, that wasn't the topic. :) There's definitely something around the eyes when you both smile that makes me say, "That's her boy!"

I imagine it's even wilder when you realize your kids are starting to behave and sound like you.

[Jess]

I think you look GORGEOUS. And that's not just lip service. I saw the photo and I thought, WOW. And then I read the self-deprecating crap and I thought, PSHAW.

[Jen]

Oooh, send Jack to my house when you go into labor! (Forget about that thing where I live about as far away from you as possible while still remaining in the same country.) I will watch him as long as you want!

Now, I am not related to Jack at all and I think he is much cuter than the average baby! I doubt there are many rooms that he is not the cutest one.

[Elizabeth]

Um, these are the horrendous "I'm so large" third trimester photos? Um, no, YOU are adorable and perfect and I refuse to hear any more about how huge you are! You look so great!
Jackson is mighty adorable, I will say. It just goes to show that worrying is a total waste of time - all the things I freak out about always turn out to be not a big deal, and the big deals are the things I could never have seen coming.
I can't wait to see what Mighty Baby looks like.

[Veronica]

That is one CUTE baby! Seriously.

[Lisa]

I think mixed race babies are the cutest, but I think I may be biased! I can see both of you in Jack's face...he is a good mix. He doesn't look like either of you, but you can pick out some features from both of you.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

I will echo the masses by saying -- THOSE? Are the horrible 3rd trimester photos? Dude, "Hot by 30" is going to be easier than you think!

And Jack is an adorable little guy. I LOVE the way his hair falls in the last photo. He is such a little man now!!

[Charlotte]

I keep looking for this third trimester hideousness to no avail. I hate to be the zillionth one to break it to you but you look fabulous. And the boy? He sooo looks like you.

[Christina]

Totally not kissing up here, but I think he does look like you - his facial expression or something. Also I noticed with both my bio kids that they started out not looking much like me or Hubby but over the years the resemblence has grown... it's kind of trippy, really. So your adorable kids might look more like you than you expect!! :)

[Tori]

I just wanted to drop a comment, saying, that I'm a 16 year old girl, and don't plan on having children too soon, but I have a Chinese boyfriend, and I myself am Caucasian, and if my baby (when it happens!) can turn out half as cute as yours, I'd be overly delightful. :] My best wishes to you!