In preparation

What do you think about baby showers for second babies? And third and fourth and fifth babies? Being the sort of person who has read every Miss Manners book in print and who had serious arguments with her fiance over whether or not to register for the wedding, you'd think I'd be all, "Well, now, that simply isn't done." Except, when I think about it, it just doesn't seem very nice to the second (or third or fourth or fifth) baby. Not necessarily the lack of presents, but the lack of celebration. And, as I'm finding out, the second baby starts getting less attention in utero.

Which is why I emailed a friend yesterday and asked if I could throw her a Celebrate The Second Baby party. I mean, I think there should be SOMETHING. I know she's got all the necessities, but she's having a boy this time around and maybe we could give her some boy outfits and dude, everybody needs packs of diapers and I certainly don't see anything wrong with eating copious amounts of treats because YAY there is going to be a NEW BABY.

And, you know. When have I ever NOT wanted to have a party? Although, don't expect a Theme Cake. I swear, that Fat the Bunny cake nearly killed me. If my little sister hadn't promised to entertain the boy while I obsessed over how to cut the pieces, Jack would not have had a cake. Oh, and also the part where she kept shrieking at me to "TAKE A CAKE BREAK!" (to which I replied, "NO! That just means this whole ordeal will TAKE LONGER!") and also the part where she said disgustedly, "Do you want ME to do it" and I said, "I thought you would never ask." I used this frosting recipe and I don't care that it has twelve million positive reviews, I HATED IT. It would not stick to the cake and it tasted like pure powdered sugar, which is GROSS.

[Small Tangent: I love baking. I do. But I like baking things that are EASY and FAST and TASTE GOOD. This is why Baker's One Bowl Brownies rock my world and why Tollhouse Cookies are part of my repertoire (if only I had an oven for every cookie sheet, think how fast it would go!) and why I have made only one recipe from the fancy shmantzy Chocolate cookbook a friend gave me for my birthday a few years ago. If I have to buy an ingredient I will only use once, that costs $40 and comes in a four ounce tube, NO THANK YOU.)

But I was talking about second (and subsequent) babies re: Lack of Attention.

This morning I started cleaning out more drawers in my old dresser now Jack's changing table to make room for the new baby. I'm giving 90% of Jack's clothes to the aforementioned friend having a boy mainly because we're pretty sure we're not having a boy this time and I have absolutely no more room to store his clothes. I'm saving a few memorable outfits, but the rest can vamoose. Tiny pink footie pajamas are starting to appear and I need a place to put them. I managed to clean out one drawer and dumped all the girlie things inside, but I know that's not going to work. I'm thinking about looking for some kind of wardrobe type thing at Ikea because the dresser is full of Jack's stuff (and assorted baby accessories) and the closet is full of The Junk I Do Not Want In My Living Room.

My mom keeps asking me what we need for the new baby and other than a place to store her stuff, I can't think of anything. I wanted to buy a sling this time around (which I did, yesterday, from Peanut Shell, use MOTHERSDAY for 20% off! if it still works?!) and we will need some sort of bouncy seat/swing for shower taking purposes, but other than that... I have no idea. The baby will be sleeping in a pack 'n play and my mom thinks I should get new sheets and blankets and seems roundly disappointed that I can't find Bedding Sets for pack 'n plays (they don't exist, do they?) I think I'll end up buying some pink cloth diapers (DYING to buy the pink ones) and if the outfits we have already are a good indication of things to come, I don't think we'll have any problem in the clothing department. If it weren't for my mom this baby wouldn't get many second thoughts.

Which might sound like we are nonchalant about the whole thing and not terribly excited, but nothing could be further from the truth. This baby moves more than Jack did, which means I am not allowed to go very long without being reminded of her. We talk about names all the time (and it's decidedly less stressful this time around, maybe because I know I get the Last Word? Perhaps!) and we've started talking up Baby Sister to Jack. He sees Phillip put his hand on my tummy and he gets a big grin on his face (do your babies get all happy smiley when they see you and your husband hugging or anything like that? I think Jack must be thinking, "HEY, that's FUNNY, the people who feed me are hugging EACH OTHER! I thought they only did that with ME!") He pats me on the tummy too, but I think this is because it now sticks out embarrassingly far and is the closest thing in reach when he's standing up in the crib waiting to be picked up.

I know stuff is just stuff and the baby doesn't care about matching sheets, but it seems symbolic somehow. Like the gathering of stuff is the physical sign we're preparing for the baby, and excited about her arrival. Without the gathering of stuff - and the washing and putting away and arranging - I'm not sure what to do.

And so, I am in favor of Celebratory Parties for Second (And Subsequent) Babies. Big time.

Comments

[Jen]

I agree on Celebratory Parties for Second (And Subsequent) Babies. What would that be, CPSASB? There is no bad reason for cake and delicious food!

[Manda]

I agree ... baby parties are fun! And they are also socially acceptable (especially if the second baby is of the opposite gender of the first). But I gave up on socially acceptable A LONG time ago!! So, I say, PAR-TAY!
p.s. At least you're trying to let Jack know his world is about to be rocked. My BF is two days past her due date and she STILL hasn't told her 19-month old that she's getting a little sister. WHOOPS! I guess someone's world is about to get ROCKED!

[Lisa]

Since I didn't get a shower for the first one (adoption and all), I'm not sure about showers for subsequent children. Although, gifts from everyone you meet is always fun. That's how it went with us...go to a Thanksgiving meal, get gifts. Visit a family member, get gifts. Run into a friend at the mall...hey, look, she brought a gift! I kind of preferred this since I hate showers. But celebrating in general...I'm in favor of that. Big time.

[Julie]

I think a Celebratory Party for a Second Baby is a great idea! At least so you can show her the pictures later on for proof. ;)

So if your belly is starting to stick out there...how about a belly shot for all the internets to see?

[Nessa]

I think a shower for second babies is perfectly acceptable. Especially if it's of the opposite sex. How else will you get all the pink things you need?

[Tara]

I'm all for second baby parties! Oh, and she totally needs some pink cloth diapers. I thought I was going to be all super frugal and get only neutral stuff, but then when we found out it was a girl I kept finding myself placing pink and purple and lavender stuff in my online cart. :)

[ren]

I have to say that I have 2 boys, and was given 2 showers for each child...for my second son, when our church told us they were throwing us a party, I suggested maybe just a diaper shower, because we certainly didn't need any clothes or baby gear. For the shower thrown by my friends, I shared it with another friend having her second baby, and it was more just a party party than a big gift opening thing. I think all babies deserve a party - there doesn't have to be lots of gifts involved, just lots of cake!

[Liz]

I think a "YAY second baby!" party is an AWESOME idea. Not a "Oh geez, I need STUFF!" party - a celebration of new life. With treats! And delicious beverages! And fun people! I'm a fan.

[Kate P]

Ditto what Liz said. We kind of had a "yay fourth baby" party with my SIL in early March. . . a couple days past the due date. Well, you still have to eat dinner while you're sitting around waiting for the baby! Seriously, she invited a few of us over and I remembered how much she liked the Burt's Bees baby kit I'd gotten her for my previous nephew, so I brought a new kit along. And some sticker books for the kiddies to keep them occupied.

[Jess]

I agree with you completely. The whole idea of showers in general, for babies or weddings no matter how many you've had before, makes me wince. But I do love the celebratory aspect and I think having a party celebrating your second baby (or marriage, or whatever) thrown by a friend is a great idea. And there is no reason why people can't bring gifts if they feel so inclined. But that shouldn't be the POINT of the party. Even if it's the first baby.

[annie]

For what it's worth, I have YET to make a fancy / themed cake that has not driven me to tears mid-way through. They have always come out beautiful (well, except the last one. That one should have been thrown away. Seriously.) but it's never been without a fight. You prevailed over the bunny - and by next year, perhaps you will have forgotten about the drama and will be ready to conquer your next themed cake.

As for baby #2 showers, I am totally supportive of them. I agree - celebrate the baby. Even if you want to make it a no gifts shower (I know - what fun is that?) or a welcome to the world party. I think that each baby should be celebrated. Of course, it's easier to justify to anti-second-showerers when baby number 2 is a different gender than #1 because people feel more justified in buying stuff and know that you need more stuff than if you're simply recycling everything for your second boy.

We're now one week and two days away from welcoming baby boy #2 into our family, and I have to admit that I've been saddened by the fact that I seem to be the only one in my family to have this "celebrate the baby" mentality. Unless, of course, some kind of grand surprise is in the works for sometime in the next 9 days. But I doubt it. :-(

[Sarah]

I like the idea of celebrating #2 baby. If you're not throwing the party, I think it would be fun to throw a bring-a-meal party. Guest bring a meal/casserole (in dishes that don't have to be returned) that can be popped into the freezer. This saves some craziness after the baby is born.

And to answer your other question, my son gets the biggest smile on his face when my husband kisses me. Then he'll lean in and make sure he gets kisses too.

[Dooneybug]

I definitely think that every baby deserves a welcoming party! Unfortunately, not a lot of other people think that. I did get a shower for my daughter from our church (they do showers for EVERY baby, no matter which number it is) but nary a family member did anything for us. I was disappointed to say the least, that our daughter's birth was less of a celebration than our son's. :( The really sad part is that it isn't just the birth, I've seen inequality continue (Christmas and Baby Dedications to name a couple). While they are still really young and have no clue what's going on, I'm really upset by it and if it were to continue we will definitely say something to people. Sorry for dumping there...anyway, yes, I agree that every baby deserves a party!!