Worst Mother in the World, NO REALLY

You guys, today (well, yesterday, by the time you read this) was spectacularly awful.

It started out okay. We woke up. We ate breakfast. We took our nap like a good boy. We got up in time to go visit one of our Blogless Friends with New Babies (HINT HINT, BLOGLESS FRIEND) and I hurried downstairs to print out directions to her new house, carefully closing our new baby gate behind me.

I might have forgotten to close it, at least, close it tightly, when I ran back up.

I was on the phone, about to leave a message with Blogless Friend saying hello, are you visitable, when I heard a thump thump THUMPITY thump THUMP thumpity thumpity WAAAAHHH.

(Let us take a small break to allow my mother a few Horrified Shrieks, as I've neglected to inform her of this event.)

Instead of leaving a message for my friend, I thought to myself, "Did my precious child just fall down the stairs?" I really did this. Then I dropped the phone, dashed to the top of the stairs where the baby gate was OPEN and saw my little boy flat on his tummy at the bottom, which is made out of stained concrete, lying next to his little pusher toy.

In that moment I became Speed Of Light Maggie and flew to the bottom of the stairs, scooped up my boy and wondered how in the hell Child Protective Services hadn't come for me yet. He was crying, but I noticed that the crying was not half as loud and insistent as that one time he knocked his head on the wood floor (when he was CRAWLING) and that was the first thing I took to mean that he was okay. I took him upstairs and we sat on the couch where he whimpered and sniffed and buried his head into my armpit. I felt all his bones and joints, squeezing to see if I'd get any reaction. Nothing. I examined his head: no bumps, no red spots, no scratches, no blood. We sat this way for ten or fifteen minutes, the longest he has ever let me cuddle him when it is not bedtime, and then I decided to see if he wanted some milk. When he went "AAAAHHHHH" which means "Milk! Now!", that was the second thing I took to mean he was okay.

We played with a stuffed bunny. We gingerly walked around the living room. We considered calling the doctor, just to make sure, but decided there was no evidence. Other than my overwhelming irresponsibility, of course. I made him crawl up the stairs for a diaper change, just to make sure everything was in working order. It was. And then Blogless Friend called and said she was home and I decided we would go.

We went and it was lovely and then I realized that holy cow, we were late for lunch, time to go. I hoped Jack would stay awake long enough to eat lunch, but he fell asleep in the car and didn't flutter an eye when I clumsily removed him from the car seat and toted him upstairs. So I put him in his bed, worrying about his empty stomach. (Which wasn't really empty, considering the Cheerios and graham crackers and cantaloupe and various other baby snacky things I'd fed him at Blogless Friend's house.) But still. I was anxious. I thought FOR SURE he would wake up any minute.

He slept for THREE HOURS. So not only was I the mother who found her child in a heap at the bottom of the stairs ON A CONCRETE FLOOR, I was the mother who was starving her baby.

When he woke up and had a huge snack (because dinner was coming soon!) I decided we'd get the mail and visit our Old Lady Neighbor. And that was a nice time, until we left the house and I let Jack hold onto one of my fingers so we could walk home and Old Lady Neighbor watched Jack fall face first onto the sidewalk. And howl, so the entire neighborhood could hear.

And then, while I was fixing dinner, he fell again. On the wood floor. Just for kicks.

Phillip has just given him a bath and there is still a suspicious lack of black and blueness. I am listening to the Putting On of Pajamas and conjuring up all the things that could result from recklessly pushing one's pusher toy through an open baby gate and off the top of the stairs. Who knows how he tumbled down. Who knows how he landed. Who knows what tender baby parts bumped down every step. I keep hearing the thumpity thumpity in my mind. I've never been quite sure about this guardian angel idea, but today I have no other explanation. While I was a picture of cool reserve during the actual event, my stomach is churning right now, knots and butterflies and everything. The things that could have happened.

Are you dwelling on the Awful like me? Then go to Parenting and read about how my license to shop for pink is slightly tainted by my total suckiness at shopping. I'll be mixing a gin and tonic and watching this week's Gossip Girl.  

Comments

[Jen]

You aren't the worst mother in the world! Babies bounce, otherwise there wouldn't be nearly as many of them as there are.

I used to babysit for a baby. His mother closed his finger in the car door and kept shoving on it when the door wouldn't close. (His finger broke. He grew up to be a functioning member of society with no memory of his mother breaking his finger.)

[Dr. Maureen]

Yes, don't beat yourself up. And think: You'll NEVER AGAIN forget to shut that gate. You'll probably still be shutting it when he's 18. :)

As for the other times he fell down yesterday, babies fall down. My own Jack is currently sporting a scraped knee, bruised shins (a constant what with all the climbing into hard chairs he does) and hands with about twenty small scrapes. It happens.

[Corey]

My six month slid out of a high chair in a Burger King one time. Landed face first on the tile floor in front of everyone! It was horrible, but she was fine. Two weeks later she flipped out of a hammock and hit the metal bar underneath. Talk about feeling like a horrible mother.
But it all just prepared me for when she was 4 and broke her arm falling off a jungle gym!
Knock wood, we are now 3 years with no major accidents!

[janey]

My husband reports that when he was a little older than Jack, but not quite old enough to remember how old he was, he was running around at Fort Casey and fell into one of the baracks! It's about a 10-foot drop, and he did have to go to the hospital. But, the moral of the story is, he was still okay in the end (or so he claims). Also, according to my medical classes, kids bones/bodies are designed to heel faster and better than adults (to account for all the falling they do).

[Arwen]

Ah, Jack'll be a better man for it.

I kid. But truly, we've all been there! You're a great mom no matter what.

I always have those what-could-have-happened butterflies after Milla has an accident, too. They're awful, aren't they?

[Charlotte]

Kids fall, it happens. I have a distinct memory of falling down a marble staircase (it apparently happened when I was 18months old) I looked around, wiped my nose and went off looking for my moose stuffed animal. He's just finding his bearings. He'll be jumping off the swing set before you know it.

[Wickedly Scarlett]

Oh, poor Maggie!!! I'm so glad that everything seems to be okay with Jack, and I hope you can stop beating yourself up over it soon. In my experience Gossip Girl makes everything okay, so hopefully you're feeling much better today!

[Kate P]

Some people have bad hair days. I think Jack had a "bad gravity day." That long nap was probably restorative sleep. And yay for his guardian angel.

BTW do you have Kohl's out west? My mom goes nuts there buying cute baby clothes for my niece & nephews. There are sales going on practically all the time.

[Lisa]

I hate to say this, but be prepared for more. He's a boy...it's what they do. My brothers spent their fair share of time in the ER when they were kids. Boys just find a way to find the pavement/table corner/sharp edge when it exists anywhere in their vicinity.

Just be glad baby #2 is a girl. Congrats on the news, by the way!

Oh, and a note on the exchange of clothes thing. I have some friends who have been shifting their baby clothes over to me on loan, and they mark the tags with a red line or purple line or whatever so I know whose they are. Then, as Olivia grows out of them, they get stored in the red or purple bag until I see the loaning friend again to return them. It has worked amazingly well. This kid has more clothes than we know what to do with, and we didn't pay a cent for them.

[Tara]

I'm not sure if you read my post a few months ago about how my daughter threw herself out of my arms straight onto the floor?? From my arms?

Just wait until he starts testing out the walking/running on his own. They trip. A lot!

[ashley]

As the oldest of five kids, I "helped" my mom with the kids a LOT. One time, I was in 4th grade, and carrying my little sister, a newborn. I forget how exactly it happened but I DROPPED HER ON A GAME OF HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS.

I burst into tears, freaking out over what I had done to my beautiful little sister.

My mom? Well, by child number four, she was all "Wuudever, they all get dropped at least once, you were just there for her inaugural fall. No biggie, Ash."

[Jess]

Oh, that's scary! All that falling in one day! I'm glad he's okay. And it's certainly not your fault.

[karianne]

Alright, my little cousin fell down the stairs in the basement and landed on the concrete floor. They called 911. The kid was fine. Their doc explained that since kids don't have the ability to think in the future, they don't get all tense when they are falling, hence barely a scratch on them. I always felt so comforted by that explanation.

[Young]

Hey at least you didn't drop your child (headfirst) onto the floor in front of all your friends. Ella has taken quiet a few knocks (and subluxated elbows). The worst was when she ran for the swings at a playground and before I could think she met the downswing of a 5 year old boy. She cried. That's a good thing - otherwise you're thinking concussion :)