Whiiiiiiiiiiiiine

You guys know I tend to exaggerate things a bit here on the website. Quite often I am all WOE! and DIE! and ARMAGEDDON IS COMING!, but you also know (I HOPE you also know) that as soon as I've got the latest Entry of Misery out of my system I'm usually on to the next thing. (A melodramatic thing, I'm sure.)

But I've been debating whether to write about the New Melodramatic Thing because it really IS driving me to tears instead of just being something I write to make something more interesting. Then Phillip asked me if I "asked the internet" and I said no and then I thought maybe I will.

The thing is: Jack has been whiny. So incredibly miserably whiny. It's kind of a dull yet constant stream of sound from his tiny voicebox, an incessant reminder that Someone Is Unhappy. And not being able to figure out what he wants or needs is making me crazy.

I know this is no big deal to those of you with babies who cried a lot when they were tiny, or still cry all the time, but my kid never did that. He's been good natured and cheerful and pretty much always content to do whatever from the start. I hope I haven't taken that for granted, but it's made the whiny so painful. What has suddenly gone wrong? What aren't I doing for him? What does he need that he's not getting? What hurts? What can I do? I HAVE NO IDEA.

As I sat here wondering what to type, Phillip fed him breakfast and he CRIED THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING. Seriously. Bawling! During breakfast! He bawled through his diaper change. Not "hey, stop messing with my clothes!" crying but "Waaaahhh life is pointless!" crying.

Yesterday I asked some family to come over while Phillip was upstairs being sick (but not throwing up!) because I was so terrified of the Whiny. You sit Jack down in front of his toys and he looks up at you as if to say, "You put me here? Really? Why would you do that to me?" and then he'll raise his hands wanting to be picked up. He won't play with anything. There's the regular whining "GIIIIIVE MEEEE THE REEMOOOOOTE!" and the mystifying whining, when the pears that he has loved from six months suddenly look like a spoonful of dead bugs or something.

Even when I'm sitting on the floor with him trying to engage us in something new and interesting- "Look! Mommy is letting you play with all her plastic storage containers!"- he's STILL WHINING. He wants to be picked up. But not really. Put him down. No, up again.

RIght now he's whining so hard he has put his head on the floor to better conserve the energy for the whining.

Things that seem to make the whiny disappear, if only for a few minutes:
1. Singing. I swear, my kid must think I am Mariah and Whitney and Celine put together. Talk about a self esteem booster. Sitting in the rocking chair and singing a song is a surefire whinekiller, until the song stops of course.
2. Visitors. Jack is still his social butterfly self. The visitors have to be appropriately interesting enough, or, shall I say, interested in HIM enough, but it's kind of like he's decided, "Thank God, I don't have to play with THOSE two anymore."
3. The remote control. I don't even care anymore.

He also likes to go out or ride in the stroller, which makes my Whine Deciphering boil down to: He's bored. Just really really bored.

But he's also been sick. He's been sleeping like crap. No, really. For someone who's always fought going to bed, he is REALLY fighting it now and Phillip and I now dread putting him down at night because it takes for freaking ever and he wakes up a few hours later to start the whole thing over again. I was doing CIO for a long time with naps, but that didn't do anything. CIO has worked for us before, but for whatever reason he's not just bored or angry or in need of some sleep training. He needs help falling asleep, so fine. I figure we've got a few months before new baby shows up- he can't be doing this forever, right?

My grandma was here yesterday and for the trillionth time said, "Oh, he must be having teeth trouble" which I normally wave off as WHATEVER GRANDMA. Except yesterday in my desperation I dug one of those cold teethers out of the refrigerator and that shut him up for a while. So maybe teeth? Although I can't see or feel anything?

And maybe it's a phase? A very long sleep regression? A Twelve-Month Clinginess stage? Averse as I am to reading up on these things, I have no idea.

What I want to know is: do or did any of your babies do this? Sudden Onset Whining? Out of Nowhere Constant Unhappiness? A Let's Make Our Mothers Feel Guilty And Horrible All Day Long Stage? Something where I can say, "Oh, he's just going through a Thing, he doesn't ACTUALLY hate my mere presence."

Comments

[Nessa]

Since I have no kids yet I am useless. However, do you not remember Emily? And her Whiny Boy? That lasted Forever? And then it Stopped?

I know it's not comforting, but it may be a little reassuring to know you ARE NOT ALONE IN THE WHINYNESS. There others and they must unite - or they will take over the world. Oh yes they will.

Anyhoo, again if I lived closer I would come over and entertain Sir Whiny while you did whatever you needed to regain your sanity.

[Emily]

I remember Month 11 being THE TIME OF OUR LIVES. And then? Month 12? It all went downhill, and the whining lasted until just a few weeks ago, which I am sorry to tell you, is Month 18. SIX ENTIRE MONTHS OF UNHAPPINESS. Yes, there were days with respites, but for the most part, there was a lot of unhappy crying for no reason, and a lot of whiny whiny whiny and a lot of angry throwing of things by me. (In private, of course.) I am pretty sure nothing is harder than dealing with an unsatisfied child all day long, for weeks on end. Wait, no, MONTHS ON END.

But it did eventually end. However, Jack might still just be feeling sick. I know Asher sometimes acts cranky for a full week after he's getting over something. So there's hope for that!

[Tessie]

What Emily said! WHAT EMILY SAID!

Dude, I intensely wanted to MURDER everyone who told me what a great age 12 months is. No. HELL NO, EVEN! The whining was CONSTANT, and the wanting to be picked up, and AD would not leave me alone for even a MINUTE. Also, she had WICKED separation anxiety.

Like Emily said, it lasted until just after 18 months for us. Things are a lot better now. I don't know if there is an Official Cause, or what, but I do remember being down that my kid seemed unhappy ALL THE TIME.

[Charlotte]

I have no children, but you sound miserable and I want to help. What I do have is a massive and intimidating stack of psychology books.

From my inexperienced seat I'd advise one of two things:

-Baby sign language. He is fussing because he can't express himself. You could teach him a few of the essentials---more, food, no, nap, etc. I know a few mums for whom this works like a charm.

-The B.F. Skinner/behavioral psychology of ignoring the whining completely (no eye contact, no anything) and lavishing him with praise when he isn't whining. Basically just reinforce his good behavior and he'll realize that whining is not the way to go.

Good luck.

[Jen]

Ha! I read Charlotte's comment about Skinner and thought she was going to suggest a Skinner box. With an electrified floor! That would work!

Nope, I have no kids yet and therefore no advice. I did teach daycare and just ignored the whiners until they stopped. They were a bit older though and with more peer pressure. But it isn't you and it will end!

[Elizabeth]

Agh, the whining will melt your brain. I can take the screaming, but I cannot take the whining!
With Eli it was usually one of three or four things - he was going through one of the "Wonder Weeks" - seriously that book saved us, he was teething, or he was pissed off that he hadn't quite managed some stage he wanted to get to - crawling or walking or what have you, and it was making him mad that he couldn't get to EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD RIGHT THAT SECOND.
I swear, it will pass. I just have to keep saying to myself, during the whiny phases- this is not how my child really is. This is not how my child really is. Otherwise it's just too horrible to contemplate. El

[jackie]

I hate to say the teeth thing, but the pain usually starts WAY before you can see anythihg. I think we had a solid 2 months of whining and fussing before I even saw anything in her second round of teething. I was starting to get desperate. So that could be it.

Also, you may consider Baby Einstein videos if you haven't already. I know he is still a little young, but Nay refers to them as her "boobies" (aka Movies) and they keep her entertained for at least 15 minutes. Perhaps, perhaps.

[Dr. Maureen]

I think it's teeth and/or illness, personally, but of course, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. One day it will stop and you won't know why. BUT! It definitely is not you or anything you are doing, and it is definitely a thing he's going through and will stop going through it.

My Jack never went through a stage like this (so far), but he has had whiny days, and DEAR GOD but we wanted to throw him out the window. (Lovingly! With love! We wanted to lovingly throw him out the window!) So my heart goes out to you. And I know Emily's does too.

If I were you, I'd probably try Tylenol - if the whining eases up 20-30 min after administration, it was probably teeth. Then if that doesn't work, I'd probably experiment with the ignoring technique and the mentally-going-to-my-happy-place technique using Moxie's theory that at least you are trying something.

[Lisa]

I swear that Olivia just came through a bout of this very same thing. Of course, she's six months younger than Jack, so it probably had some different causes. But she did the "pick me up/put me down" insanity for a few days and was unhappy with anything I did until I finally parked her in her crib and walked away so I wouldn't go completely nuts. She was still unhappy, but seriously, if you won't let me do something to stop the whining, you get to sit in your crib. House rules.

I think this had two main causes:
1)teeth...this started just before her first two teeth popped through. She would occasionally have a bit of a fever. Tylenol was our friend.

2)boredom...no, seriously. She had become used to our regular outings, and when we went several days without one, she seemed displeased. Regardless of how big a pain she had been all day, the moment I took her out in her stroller or stuck her in the car to go somewhere, she was happy again. She is also angel baby when we meet people and they talk directly to her. She gives them her biggest smiles and becomes little miss talkity. They comment on what a happy baby she is. If they only knew...

[Jess]

Um, I have no kids and therefore no advice. But this sounds, from what I've read on other blogs, like it could be teething-related? In any case I hope it stops soon and you get your happy child back.

[Tara]

Since Shea turned Happy a few months ago, I can sympathize that the whiney days are awful! She had a few a week or two ago, and I still have no idea why. There's only so much singing a mother can do. I am always looking for explanations for WHY she is grumpy, not sleeping, etc., yet it seems like I hardly ever find one. Hm. Kids.

[Erin]

That is so frustrating! I'm going through the same thing with my 13-month-old. Also troubling is the fact that my sitter reports she does just fine over at her house. Am I boring her at home? I don't know what the answers are. Mine has teeth poking through, so I believe that's part of the problem. Good luck to you. Maybe Jack would like some music so you don't have to sing all the time!