Maybe package up the perspective with some Bombay Sapphire

How awful will you feel when your baby suddenly returns to his angelic state mere hours after you have moaned about him on your website? Super awful. So horribly terribly AWFUL.

[Also, note to self: do not call your mother after you have written such a post, because she has read it and is highly irritated that you are being MEAN about her PERFECT GRANDSON. It will take the awful to an entirely new level.]

All day I was thinking, "WHY DID I WRITE THAT" because yesterday's baby was completely different. Sure he bawled through his breakfast and was still kind of whiny during the morning. But then the moms group came over and that was a good two hours' worth of entertainment. I was a little worried after they left, but he ate his lunch without complaining and then OH MY GOD he played with his toys while I cleaned up. Actual playing, none of this miserable whining and looking at me with Eyes of Despair and clinging to my legs. I was so thrilled I even had a flash of creativity (the rest of you will call it common sense) and gave him my load of measuring spoons and cups to bang on the floor. My brilliance is overwhelming.

Miracle of all miracles, I took him upstairs at naptime, put his pacifier in and put him in bed. And then he went to sleep. I KNOW. I came out of the shock just in time to hear him wake up. When I went to get him he was smiling in his crib and playing peekaboo with a blanket. Actual! Smiling!

We visited friends in the afternoon (no whining!) and came home to eat dinner (no whining! and he ate everything!) and we HAD FUN. I didn't even mind (too much) that Phillip was two hours late getting home and I did the whole nighttime routine alone- because I had an ANGEL BABY who didn't struggle or flail or howl or protest while I read to him in the rocking chair.

All afternoon I kept picking him up and squealing, "IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!" into his ear. Not that I didn't love my whiny baby too, but MY GOD is it easier to love the angel baby. A whole day of not feeling like everything was infuriating him in some way.

So, I feel awful. Here you are thinking I have Real Problems when nope, yet again I am complaining about nothing. Shut up, me.

EXCEPT. Ask Phillip. I crawled into bed Monday night feeling totally desperate. It felt like my kid had disappeared and left this other baby who found his daily routine, not to mention his mother, completely wanting in every way. And yeah, I knew he was coming off his day of barfing and that the doctor said it could last a week and Phillip and I were hardly in a great state of affairs ourselves and things were just a little out of order in our house, but none of that was clear while Jack was crying in his bed two hours past his bedtime. Everything was wrong and I obviously wasn't doing whatever it took to make things better. And shoot, I've already been feeling that way for weeks now, what with the doing away of the nap schedule and the slow mysterious erosion of his nighttime sleep.

I have no idea what he'll be like today. I have every hope in the world that half of you are right and he was just still feeling sick and possibly teething. That I can deal with. If the other half of you are right and I'm looking at six more months of whine, I'm just going to have to shoot myself.

I've known since day one that I have an easy baby. And the handful of days when he is not an easy baby are excruciatingly humbling. What I find most terrifying is that God will take the humbling thing a step further and decide that I used up all my easy baby bonus points on the first try. If that becomes the case, I promise to close shop on this website because no doubt I will be the most insufferable woman in the internet.

"I don't know, Fat. Flowers are nice, but I was thinking we should get my mom a little perspective for Mother's Day."

Comments

[Lisa]

Don't ever worry about complaining because we've all been there. It is actually comforting to me to hear that there's someone else out there dealing with a baby who is incredibly displeased for no apparent reason. It makes me feel like I'm not crazy...just normal.

[Jenn]

Don't apologize for complaining, for pete's sake. Babies are HARD. Dealing with whining is hard! Dealing with whining babies? That makes me want to lock myself in a closet. You're HUMAN, not Superwoman.

[Dr. Maureen]

Oh, dude, dude, duuuude. I HEAR YOU about the fears that the second child will be a terror. I have no second child on the way at the moment, but I am also quite worried that God, in his infinite sense of humor, will see fit to send us a screaming, colicky, willful baby who will never ever sleep. Because aren't the second babies always the complete opposite of the first?

"You thought you knew what you were doing?" God will say. "THINK AGAIN."

Still, I keep telling myself that there is no actual rule that the number of sweet angel babies is rationed out per couple. Maybe you and I can have them all!

[Jess]

Everyone complains on their blogs, whether their complaints are trivial or not. And usually I LIKE hearing it. Maybe I'm weird, but still. Also, that's a cute stuffed bunny.

[Lindsay]

That caption is very Calvin & Hobbes. :o)

[Jen]

I'll still read if you become insufferable. Because you will still be hilarious!

(Although, I hope you get an easy baby again, of course.)

[Salome Ellen]

Ooooh! Forget the rest; chubby legs were made for squeezing. Glad things are better!
(Uh, maybe it was all so hard to bear because YOU weren't quite well??!! Just asking.)

[Wickedly Scarlett]

Well, I think I'm still in my whining phase, so hopefully Jack will get over it a little bit sooner. And the thought of you shutting down the website--my God woman, don't scare me like that!

[Kate P]

I suspect kids do stuff like this to keep their parents guessing. Makes you wonder who's really in charge.