My mom is going to call and say, "I can't BELIEVE you dare complain about that SAINTED MAN."

It's nearly 9 in the morning, but Phillip is still in bed. He's called in sick- which never EVER happens- and I'm glad, because he IS sick. I told him last night, "You should stay home tomorrow." And I may have added, "I'll do everything with Jack, you just stay in bed, even though I have to get ready for the shower Saturday morning, and I won't mind at all if you just lie about in bed, moaning and whimpering as though you are a delicate 19th century flower dying from consumption."

Except, of course, I didn't MEAN it.

Don't mind ME if I just sit here and rant a tiny bit about how I didn't get to lie about in bed all those days when I was THROWING UP and TOO TIRED TO LIVE.

Phillip never passes up an opportunity to remind me how mean I am, how devoid of sympathy, how MADE OF STONE I am when it comes to Sickness. According to him, this extreme lack of empathy is one of my biggest, if not THE biggest, flaws. See, Phillip catches The Sniffles several times a year and because I do not immediately fly off the handle about pneumonia and strep throat and oh dear God BIRD FLU, I'm being mean.

After nearly five years of marriage, I still can't figure out if, when I get sick, I'm just not AS sick as Phillip gets OR if I just suck it up better than he does. If I don't get AS sick as he does, then it's true, I'm probably being a big fat meanie who needs to pony up the Theraflu and heating pads and find that last ounce of sympathy in my blackened heart. I get colds all the time, but they rarely incapacitate me the way they seem to do with Phillip, and I hardly ever get REALLY sick. Phillip is always very nice to me when I'm sick.

It's true. When Phillip gets sick I do not magically turn into Nancy Nursemaid and surround him with lotion-infused tissue and giant glasses of orange juice and a telephone with the doctor's number pre-dialed. Especially not now that I have an ACTUAL baby who needs to be coerced into lying down for his nap.

I'M JUST SAYING.

Let's just cross our fingers he doesn't read this one.

Anyway. I have to take a shower and get dressed and write up a shopping list before Jack wakes up. Because Phillip is sick and I'm not going to have him do all the Jack stuff, he needs to stay in bed with his bottle of Robitussin. SERIOUSLY. Can you be serious AND snarky at the same time?

Comments

[Nessa]

I am totally Philip, only in the female form. I am the biggest wimp when sick. I lay about the couch and moan and cry and meekly hold up my VERY HEAVY plastic glass when I need something else. Thank goodness that I am usually sick on Mr. Sparky's days off. It works for me.

And I tend to make a big fuss when he gets sick - it so very rarely happens. And he's a big baby like I am too.

And did you watch LOST last night?! Seriously?! What was up with that? I was so confused about the panda and the cemetary.

[Tara]

I am so with you. It takes nearly all I have to muster up a smidgen of sympathy for the husband when he is sick. (Gee, I really hope that he doesn't secretly read your blog and blog comments!) I'm terrible, I know. Maybe it's because they are LOOKING for sympathy with us?

I'm glad you didn't say anything more about Lost! We are watching it tonight online pending the kid decides to stay asleep.

[ashley]

Hahaha! You are RIGHT ON.

When Mike (my husband) gets sick, he's rendered immobile (except to check his symptoms on WebMD and declare that he probably has some random disease. I curse WebMD for my hypochondriac husband). And I'm so mean because I act like a nurse for about .002 seconds, and then am *really* annoyed that he can't doooo annnnythiiing.

And I only thinly veil this disgust at his ability to function with a cold. :-P What a meanie!

Poor Mike. He is really very sweet when I get sick.

[annie]

AAHHH HAHAHA! You had me ROLLING with that one. Can I just say? I. KNOW. hahaha. I speak with caution here because my husband actually does have a chronic illness which can really beat him down now and then. For that, I have all the compassion in the world. But I've always been amazed by the fact that the tiniest sniffles can keep him in bed with me running around like a crazy person, while the same sniffles in my own nose STILL have me running around like a crazy person. There is no justice, I'm telling you. None.

And what's the deal with the guilt. He doesn't place guilt on me - the self-imposed guiltg that I feel that even if he does tell me to just go to bed and he'll take care of everything (which, on occasion, he does. And which convinces me that he is a living saint) I still feel like I have to be running around like a crazy person? sheesh. There's no winning inside my head.

[Jen]

Yeah, my husband does the same thing. Even when we have the same thing, (the same thing!) he is so much sicker than I am.

[Christina]

I'm apparently married to Philip's twin, because Hubby is the exact same way and it makes me nuts too! Yeah, not a lot of sympathy here either. Have you see The Man Cold video? I posted it on my blog a few months ago but here's the link, just in case:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz6DktXFvg4
Apparently we're not the only ones with Hubbys like that. :)

[Manda]

Good lord I think our husbands are BROTHERS.

[carrie]

I totally get it. The 'man flu' is oh so very horrible. Poor, poor men!

[AbsolutelyBananas]

men are big fat weanies, while we women are MUCH tougher.
Everyone knows it, it's just that only SOME OF US admit it.