Maybe it's the weather

Well, I did my civic duty this weekend and caucused. (Is that a word? Caucused?) The caucus location was quite literally a block away from my house and as Phillip and I walked over, we saw heaps of people doing the same thing: walking from their homes to a community meeting place to choose! our! next! President! Oh YES I got choked up. And then when we got there and had to stand in LINE to get IN... more choking up. I know, I cry over everything but you have to admit there is something about Gathering With Your Neighbors to pursue a Greater Cause that is very... well, choke-up-able.

I'm sure you've gathered by now that tons of people going to caucus = Democratic caucus because I live in the People's Republic of Seattle and the conservatives are either in the museums or preserving themselves under rocks. Friends of mine went to a Republican caucus a little north of me and there were all of 9 people from their precinct. In my precinct, 56 of us were for Obama, 18 were for Hillary and 3 were doing their best to convince everyone to join their Undecided/Edwards status and send an Undecided Delegate to the convention thereby forcing the party to move leftwards. Or something like that. My eyes started to cross.

I didn't intend to go to the Democratic caucus because, well, I didn't think I would vote for one. (Breathe! The Internet still loves you!) Being a cynical sort with a wide libertarian streak, I simply don't fit in. On the other hand, my heart bleeds for a handful of issues the Republicans simply cannot abide, so I don't exactly fit in over there either. But anyway. I am very much undecided and Phillip will tell you that I have been wringing my hands through months of daily newscasts because TO WHOM SHALL I PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE! And then I found out about the caucuses and how the primary doesn't really count and it occurred to me that there would be some prime people-watching at a caucus. So this is how I decided which caucus to attend:

1. Since there probably wouldn't BE any Republicans for a Republican caucus, the Democratic caucus would have a much higher entertainment value.
2. My brother-in-law is some kind of baton-wielding Official Nag for the Obama campaign and was calling us every day to make sure we were going to the caucus and even helpfully emailed us our caucus location. Oh how I wanted to tell him I switched to Hillary's side, but I think his sense of humor re: the presidential race is somewhat lacking.

So we went and it was actually pretty cool. I mean, it was packed full of Passionate Progressives who more or less swore that Senator Obama walks on water (dear Passionate Progressives: I'M SURE HE DOES), but it was definitely cool to partake of the Process. You know? And honestly, like 80 people showed up, and that was just from my couple of blocks. There were hundreds at the caucus itself. We listened to the Obama Is The Second Coming people and we listened to the equally emotional Hillary people and then the totally confusing pitch from the Edwards guy and of course no one switched sides and then we voted on delegates and that was that. And then we went home. Yay Democracy!

And on our way home I said to Phillip, "We sort of met our neighbors. Maybe? We talked about health care! But I don't know their names. Or where they live."

AND THEN! (See, this whole time I've been building up to a Larger Point!)

I had coffee with my New Internet Friend Liz yesterday (hi Liz!) and she is a transplant to the Northwest and we were talking about People In This Town. As in, you don't really talk to people you don't know. Ever. You MIGHT smile at them if you cross paths. You MAY compliment their adorable baby. You WILL hold a door open. But chat? Exchange niceties? INTRODUCE YOURSELF? Heavens no!

And she mentioned not really meeting anyone at the caucus and I was all, "Me too!" So then, as I walked home and avoided eye contact with everyone I passed, I thought about other things I've heard about the famous Seattle Standoffishness.

My dad once walked around the lake and came back complaining that no one said hello. No one even acknowledged him walking by.

This is not true for everyone (like, for example, me) but I've heard a lot of people say they go to my church because it was the one [Catholic] church they went to that felt welcoming.

I've been lots of places where you share a communal table with other customers/patrons and I've never seen anyone from separate groups make a connection.

I have never EVER spoken to the people who live directly across from me, whose windows I can see into, whose schedule I know as well as mine.

The lady we drive to church mentioned that the couple who lives across from her (which would be maybe two houses away from me) has a new baby, and she sees the mom walking the baby during the day in her living room. And I thought, "Gosh, I should meet her!" and then immediately thought, "Nah, that'll never happen." Did I mention the TWO HOUSES AWAY? And have I ever mentioned how hard it is for me to get out of my house? HELLO!!!!

I've heard lots of Seattle transplants say it's hard to meet people here. I've heard dating is REALLY hard. (I wouldn't know, having married my Only Real Boyfriend Ever who I met in a DORM). And I've always wondered what it is... I've never lived in another part of the country so I can't compare. I've always thought people are friendly here, but friendly doesn't always mean "easy to get to know". And so I'm wondering, where you live, do people start up conversations in grocery stores? When you chat with someone you don't know, and someone who you probably won't see again, do you share names? If you're a Pacific Northwesterner, what do you think? Do Seattleites erect foot-thick walls around their personal space? And wear spiked collars that spell out INVADE AT YOUR OWN RISK in rhinestones?

It would have been nice to meet some of my neighbors at the caucus, but even though I WANT to be an outgoing friendly person, it takes me a full 24 hours just to get the nerve to introduce myself. So of course I kept to myself and perpetuated The Stereotype. But you know, if I HAD introduced myself, I bet they would have discovered I'm not a True Democrat and probably accused me of Sabotage and that would have been the end of that.

Comments

[Jess]

Good for you for caucusing. Turnout is just amazing. It sounds like such an interesting experience.

[Lisa]

I live in the Midwest, Ohio River Valley region, and it's pretty much the exact opposite. Even in the city, people will strike up conversations with others standing in line, passing by at Department stores, sometimes even sitting in traffic. It doesn't happen with every encounter or even most encounters, but it is not unexpected to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger here. Unfortunately, some of the checkers at my fave supermarket are the worst...they will carry on long conversations about their kids or the price of diapers, which seriously slows down lines.

[Jen]

I've lived a lot of places and I have never become friends with anyone that I met randomly. The only places that we seem to make friends is at work.

[JMC]

I, myself, am socially inept. ;) Therefore, I do not strike up random conversations. HOWEVER, there is apparently something about me that causes OTHERS to strike up random, let me give you my life story, I'm sure you have nowhere else to be and nothing better to do, conversations with me. But I don't always come away with names, usually just WAY TOO MUCH personal information.

[Angela]

You know, I always complain about how hard it is to make friends, and then when people DO try to start conversations with me (on the train, waiting for the bus, in the supermarket checkout line) I totally just nod politely, make nice remarks, and count down the seconds until the social interaction can please for the love of God END. If your assessment of the Seattle populace is correct, then I fit in here just great!

[Kiki]

When I was 19 I moved to Seattle from New England. I was surprised to find that people in Seattle were very superficially NICE but in the end, absolutely disinterested in getting to know someone. I couldn't handle the 'fakeness' of my interactions with people in the Northwest.
So I left - and moved to Chicago. The Midwest definitely has the most down to earth, genuine, and friendly people I've ever met, even here in the 'big city'. But we WILL talk your ear off about voting for Obama.

[Liz]

Thank you very much, Kiki, Angela, and Lisa. You have expressed exactly what I have experienced. Living in Seattle now, I have had to learn that talking to strangers is Just. Not. Done. I usually end up scaring people because I'm so outgoing. And truth be told, Miss Maggie is the SECOND (count them - 2) person that I have met "on my own" here in 2 1/2 YEARS. I know people from work and from my husband's work, but that's it besides Maggie and my friend Mike (who happens to be a transplant from the midwest as well!).

Is one way or the other better? I think I can see both sides - protecting your privacy and "big" city anonymity versus trying to be a close knit community i.e. knowing everyone's business. It's just really hard to make a FRIEND. You know, the kind where two people meet and exchange names and can just get together and go for a walk or have coffee or take our kids to the park...

[Carrie]

I agree, people here are very friendly, but only to the extent of saying hi and smiling. I get a little bit more interaction when I'm toting Ethan around, but that's about it.

My husband has not gotten the memo about not talking to strangers though. He strikes up a conversation with everyone. I'm at least (I'm too tired to count) a 4th generation Pacific Northwesterner, so this habit of his just mortifies me. But it's probably good, because, if left up to me, I'd never get to know people.

Speaking of getting to know people, if you're ever going to be in the Seattle Center with your baby, let me know. We could have a play-date!

[Christina]

I'm not a "true" native, but I've spent the bulk of my life here in the Seattle area so I probably have the "Seattle" personality - I'm chatty with total strangers in line... but really only have a few close friends and find it super hard to get to know my neighbors. And I had to go to NJ to meet my hubby. :-) But I'll take our "shallow" friendliness over the cold indifference you get from everyone (especially salespeople! what's with that?!) on the east coast.

[mary]

I think a photo of you is in our local paper, on the front page today (N. Idaho). It looks an awful lot like you, anyway. Was the caucus at Seattle Central community college? The photo shows precinct chairman Matt Sexton standing on a table explaining things to delegates.
The woman who looks like you is in the lower left corner of the pic. I can describe the shirt she's (you're?) wearing if you want. :-)

[Pippi]

I found the people in Seattle very outgoing during my short stint there. Of course, the other places I've lived are: Minnesota, Vancouver (the one in Canada), and Norway. So my frame of reference may be a little skewed :)

[Megan Elizabeth]

The small-town Midwest is a world unto itself, methinks. Certainly when we moved from Midwest City to Small Midwest Town I was not expecting to find an actual place where everybody knows everybody else and you have to be careful not to marry your second cousin because everybody's related somehow.

Once my mother and I were going to Saturday morning Mass and this woman comes up to us and says, "Are you new here?" and my mother says, "We've lived here three weeks," and the woman's response was, I kid you not, "Oh, good!" She was worried that we had lived there ten years or something and she hadn't met us yet. We're still friends with her and let me tell you she really does know every. single. person. in. town.

[ASLI]

I am a Turkish-Spanish girl that spent most of my childhood and youth in central Florida. I came to Seattle at age 19 and have to say it has been one hell of a journey becoming a Seattleite. I still cry to myself these days about why the folks in this town are terrified of contact - both physical and emotional - and tend to stay far away from flamboyant or assertive but good hearted types. I think there is alot of superficialness here. Many seem to figure out what type of music you like, politics you abide by, religion you are etc. simply from your clothing -bad decision, Seattle natives! Seattleites are not as progressive as I originally thought. More hermit like. It is a shame. I am on my 6th year here and I feel so depressed about the friend thing. Almost jaded! My fiance is an Oregon born, Washington bred boy and is aware of the social culture here but cannot really explain anything about it to me. I feel very lonely and confused! Someone help!