Seriously defective brain chemistry

One wall in my bedroom is painted lime green. Not obnoxiously so, in my opinion at least, more pastel than neon, and it is just one wall. It might have been the whole room if I hadn't been such a painting pansy. We have a black bed and a black desk and a bland Ikea-colored dresser and bookshelf. A few months ago when I was feeling like my bedroom was the ugliest room in our house, I bought some curtains to match the green wall. I bought some black picture frames thinking they might "tie things together". (I haven't hung them up, of course.) When my mom said she wanted to buy us a new bedding set for Christmas and SAID I COULD PICK IT OUT I chose something baby blue and white. My mom doesn't think it will go with the green wall and maybe it doesn't, but I just made my brand new bed and for the first time since we moved into the house, I love my bedroom.

It helps that I cleaned it up this morning. And that it was sunny for a while and I opened the blinds. Between the lime green and the pale blue and the sunshine I was in heaven.

My space is really important to me. If the huge number of interior design shows on TV are anything to go by, I'm not alone. I don't have an eye for design, though, and I'm the farthest thing from do-it-yourself. I once repainted a hand-me-down bookshelf and it nearly killed me. Sometimes I see things I like in magazines or I admire the way a friend has arranged pictures on the wall, but for the most part Phillip and I just buy something and hope that it fits. When we bought our house, the kitchen was stark black and white and one wall was painted a neutral brown. The only thing we did was paint the bathroom cherry red and buy a slew of red things: couches, mixers, candles, kitchen towels. Not very original, but I like it. When things are put away and the counters are clean and I have a moment to sit on the couch and look around, I really love my house.

The last couple of weeks have been hard. They've just been a series of days where I can't seem to get anything done, where I'm stuck in the house with a baby and where everything is chaotic and messy. Christmas preparations- be it cookies or presents or parties- seem to leave disasters in their wake. And, as I may have mentioned once or twice, the darkness makes everything a hundred times worse. It feels like life is over at 4:30 pm- now it's time to put pajamas on and get in bed.

But when I made my pale blue bed this morning everything was different. I would never decorate my living room in Easter egg colors like I seem to have done upstairs (even Jack's room is a butter yellow) but I think it's my way of bringing light inside. I can't even really describe what it was like to open the blinds and sit in the middle of a swath of soft sunny blue. I wasn't always like this. I even remember a time when I looked forward to a pitch black 5 o'clock, because I loved the city lights and the excitement night seems to bring. But decorating my bedroom in spring colors and letting the light in made me happy. Actually physically tangibly happy. Lighter. Less tense. Calmer.

We had a lovely Christmas. It snowed. Jack has been outfitted for the next six months. I have pictures. I may actually go to the mall this afternoon (if only for blog fodder). So things are good. But I just wanted to say something to the effect of: all I really need is a baby blue duvet cover.

Hope everything was merry...

Comments

[Mrs. Flinger]

Amen, hon. I can't tell you how much I relate to this. It's hard, the mess, the kids, the darkness. These past two weeks are hard here, too. We're starting a mamaspod walking group for Saturday mornings. I hope you'll join us. I'm hoping getting out of the house without the kids, even if it's once a week, will help. And if it doesn't, maybe I'll go pastel in our room, too. :-)

[Tessie]

We are total homebodies so our space is really important to us too. I know just what you mean.

Best of luck at the mall (YIKES).

[Jenny Ryan]

Oh I know, that stuff makes such a huge difference. I hated our first apartment because there were only windows on one side of it, and it always felt so dark and depressing.

[Zandria]

It's funny; sometimes I don't think we realize how much of a difference certain colors can make until we actually experience them. I'm glad you're enjoying your house. :)

[Jen]

I hate how our bedroom is decorated now. I have been looking for a headboard for our bed since we got married (more than four years ago). And all of our furniture is hand-me-downs from my husband's teenage room and it looks like it belongs in a teenage boy's room. I can't wait until the budget (and my time) allows for me to redecorate.

[Elaine]

I used to love night too, and now I crave the sunshine. Winters are hard with all of the gloom and early sunset. I really think having kids rewired my brain or something. I keep contemplating those light box thingies. I'm glad your blue duvet cover brought you happiness!

[Lindsay]

Dearest Maggie,

Thank you so incredibly much for your condolences. I am really grateful. It means so very much to me, especially right now. Thank you!

Yours,
Lindsay

[Emily]

This is why I'm redecorating my bedroom. The blood red is starting to depress me, and whenever we get around to having two kids, my bedroom is also going to be my office, and there is no way I'm goign to spend that much time in a blood red room without getting seriously depressed.

My new decorating scheme is going to be yellow, white and light gray. What do you think?