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    December 16, 2007

    Let no one say I hoard my brilliance

    Many things came between me and the How To Fold Fitted Sheets Pictorial Tutorial this evening, but DO NOT FEAR. I have not let you down, Internet! Even though I am sick (SICK! GAH!), facing a mountain of sticky stemware leftover from our Christmas shindig and not quite over the whole Sending My Baby To Spend The Night Away From Me, In The Suburbs, Far Far Away, Just So I Could Party In Peace (and Internet, I started drinking as soon as my mother drove off with him, I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU), I have not forgotten to deliver you all from wadded and crumpled fitted sheets!

    Behold! The troublesome fitted sheet!

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    And no, you Scroogy types are not allowed to make fun of my snowflake tablecloth.

    (That nicely folded sheet in the back is the flat sheet. For comparison.)

    Okay then!  Let's all pick up our fitted sheets and stick our hands into two of the corner pockets-

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    so that the longer side of the sheet is perpendicular to your body. Like so.

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    Feel free to flash the internet a goofy crooked smile as you do.

    Now clap your hands together so that the corners meet.

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    Now you're going to take one of the corners and pull it over the other corner. When you're done it should look like this.

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    Are you feeling neat and orderly and Type A? EXCELLENT.

    So now the bottom of your sheet has sort of followed the same trajectory as the top of your sheet, but you're going to have to straighten it out a bit. Put down your nicely aligned top half or drape it over a chair while you do the same thing to the bottom half. When you're done, stick your hands into the two pockets like you did the first time.

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    Right now my mother is thinking, "Couldn't she at least BRUSH HER HAIR?"

    Now fold one corner over the other so that you are left with ONE LAST CORNER. I know. It's a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

    Img_1514

    NOW my mother is thinking, "Pajama pants? Really?" and what we will not tell my mother is that these aren't even girl pajama pants these are BOY pajama pants and the fly is TOTALLY OPEN.

    All right. So now you've got a very lovely almost-folded fitted sheet. This is what you do next.

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    Fold!

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    That's the flat sheet on top. Note that the two folded sheets are not the same size. That is because I am not QUITE as Type A as everyone believes. Also because I am doing my part to rid my genes of Crazy Homemaker as, I am told, my grandmother not only got her flat and fitted sheets to fold to the same size, she IRONED THEM.

    I fold my sheets kind of long and narrowish because as nice as my house is, it was designed by men who did not understand the concept of Spacious Closets Where Things Actually Fit. Anything that goes in the linen closet needs to have the dimensions of a shoebox.

    Anyway, I digress. I learned this little trick not from my grandmother but the chainsmoking ladies I worked with at the retirement home the summer after my senior year of college. I served breakfast, chased after lost pets, made beds and folded sheets. I have been easing the lives of the anal retentive ever since.

    Comments

    I haven't the words. I mean, I know you said that you could fold a fitted sheet, but I guess I had it in my mind that you could fold it slightly better than balling it up and throwing it somewhere like I do (my perfectionist tendencies haven't quite reached my domestic capabilities yet -- in fact, I think I overly compensate for my perfectionism by having the worst domestic skills ever). I didn't actually think that you could FOLD THEM fold them. I think that's quite possibly one of the most impressive skills I've ever seen, and I'm honestly not joking. Because, as I said, my domestic skills? Entirely lacking. So this, something which even domestic goddesses aren't great at, much less the substandard domestic half pints? IMPRESSIVE.

    I'm thinking that I should not comment on people's blogs at 2 in the morning. When I've had a 32-ounce can of Monster. Actually, I don't think I should be awake at 2 in the morning or drink a 32-ounce can of Monster, much less post on people's blogs. Ok, and I'm done.

    Why is the flat sheet on top??? You need the fitted sheet first!! (Can we say obsessive, here?!)

    thank you for this excellent tutorial. My son now thinks I am crazy, as I just folded a sheet using this method and said - LOOK LOOK LOOK it's actually folded and flat. I have started right all these years, but nesting the corners like that? Brilliance. Pure Brilliance.

    (and yes, I am a bit OCD about folding. Is there a problem with that? Not quite serious here, of course. But still... it's flat. wow.)

    This is cool, and I hope I'm not embarrassing myself by saying that I've never before seen it in my life.

    I'm okay with FOLDING fitted sheets, but IRONING? Not so much.

    I am wearing pajama pants right now. I think this makes us some sort of sisters.

    Your folded sheets are bee-yoo-tiful. Thank you for the tutorial, although I guess I already pretty much knew how to do this (my mom taught me). It turns out I just need to be more meticulous about matching corners and flattening and all. Depressing. I had hoped there was some sort of secret trick, like in that video on YouTube about how to fold a t-shirt in three seconds.

    (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOHHQMQBd5s)

    You are adorable! And also thin!

    um--you are supposed to FOLD sheets?

    Okay.

    I'm down with the pajama pants but the sheet folding?

    I didn't get the memo.

    Note to self: linen closets can look nice inside...

    I'm so glad I am not the only one who can't get the top and bottom sheets to match. My mom can and it drives me crazy! Love the new look.

    BLESS YOU!!!

    My linen cupboard is a disaster area because of all the balled up fitted sheets. Ive read the description of how to do it but having pictures (nice pants :)) really helps.

    I want to marry you after your open-fly tutorial. Genius!

    I always fold my sheets lengthwise and then roll them up together like a sleeping bag. I figured out that this makes them fit better into my tiny linen closet. And then I can't tell that my fitted sheets aren't the same size as my flat sheet. And I tie them with yarn to keep them rolled up. That is my Type A for you.

    I have the same linen closet you do. Thankfully, sheets fold down to shoebox size, but I can't figure out how I'm supposed to fit more than two bath towels in there. It's a good thing I don't ever have guests because there is no room for guest towels in my closet.

    i agree with arwen - you look really adorable and thin! and with shiny hair!!

    AWESOME! I thought this skill was a mystery to everyone but me. Seriously, my ultra-neat mother-in-law just wads her fitted sheets up in her closet. One day I got crazy about it and RE-DID them ALL and she thought I was a GENIUS!
    And I just asked my husband how to spell that. Which might mean something.
    ANYWAY, you have LOVELY shiny hair and HOORAY for pj pants!!
    And I LOVE the redesign. Holy wow.

    Beautifully done. I have to say - I do the EXACT SAME THING with my fitted sheets, but they never look like that. Now I have to change the sheets on my bed just so that I can try to get sheets as nice as yours.

    Oh. And I was sitting here thinking about how much I love your snowflake table cloth even BEFORE I scrolled down far enough to see the caption under the picture. AND. As I sit here in my rubber-banded, too-tight but not ready to wear maternity pants jeans, I am become increasingly jealous of your pajama pants. Excuse me. I have to go change now.

    I knew there was a way to fold the fitted sheets, but I came to terms with my never being able to do it long ago. I had a housemate in college who insisted her fitted sheets be folded correctly and therefore never asked for help because she knew she would just get a sheet thrown at her head. So, although I deeply admire your mad folding skillz, and also deeply appreciate someone finally explaining this mysterious technique to me, I will continue to half-heartedly "fold" the fitted sheets into a lumpy pile and stick them in the closet and call it done. The end.

    They live way back in the end of my bedroom closet, in a special wire drawer, btw, so they don't at all need to be folded.

    I know I'm late to the party (was in the land of dial-up for 9 days! Egads!), but this is brilliant! A dear friend from college always folded her fitted sheets really well, and I think your method is the same as hers. But now with your beautiful picture tutorial, I too can fold fitted sheets beautifully!

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