This mom thing is for the birds

I really like my hair. Not my hairstyle, per se, although I recently got an expensive haircut at a fancy salon and it's true what they say: you get what you pay for. But I've always had hair that made other people say things like, "So shiny!" and "How pretty!" It's straight, but not stick straight. It doesn't frizz. It generally does what it's told. It's not perfect hair: it takes twelve cans of hairspray to hold a curl, I have to wash it every day and it can get pretty flat and limp. But for someone who is not a fan, necessarily, of her physical self, I am pretty cool with my hair.

Also, people tend to think it's thicker than it really is. A friend of mine was surprised I could hold up my (formerly long) hair in one little bear claw clip. When I put it in a pony tail I have to wrap the rubber band about fifty gajillion times before it's tight. And all of this is important because

OH MY GOD I AM GOING BALD.

For weeks now it's been falling out. I was told this would happen. I wasn't surprised. Dismayed, yes, but surprised? I've been expecting it since I was old enough to hear my mother complaining about her hair loss. It starts in the shower when I'm washing it. I have to rinse the hair off my hands every 30 seconds. Then it falls onto the floor when I'm drying it with a towel. Then I yank some more out when I comb through it. Then I carpet the floor and sink with more hair when I'm blow drying. As a final touch, my grabby boy will pull a few extra strands and try and stuff them in his mouth. It's FABULOUS.

I've been okay with this. It happens to pretty much everyone. And I still have hair on my head, right? You can't tell that I'm going bald, right?

WRONG!

This morning I decided I would actually look presentable for church. (Novel idea!) I wore pants that weren't jeans. I put on make up. I wore dangly earrings. And I attempted to do my hair. AND OH GOD, INTERNET. I HAVE A RECEDING HAIRLINE.

This is where I would include a picture, except, NOT.

You know where your bangs meet the sides of your head? That little corner? Where some people have tons of hair and other people (like me) have wispier finer strands? Well, on my head, even the wispier strands are gone. Poof! I haven't noticed because my hair is too short to pull back in a ponytail, so I haven't been brushing it away from my head. But today when I was drying it I noticed it was a little thin. And then I realized that "a little thin" was more like "completely absent". Even scarier is that I am not going symmetrically bald. The hairless patch on the right side is definitely larger than the hairless patch on the left.

No more ponytails for me, Internet. No more pulling my hair back EVER. Is there anyone out there with a five-year-old? A twelve-year-old? A sixteen-year-old? Tell me it grows back. Please? TELL ME IT GROWS BACK.

There is simply no dignity in having a baby. First you get sick and everyone hears you throwing up. Then you get fat. Then you discover you can't always hide inappropriate bodily functions in public. Then you go into labor and dignity and modesty fly completely out the window. Then you are a post-partum mess. Then you can't fit into your old pants. Then you have to figure out how to feed the baby when someone else is in the room. Then you don't have time to take a shower. Then your kid takes an hour to be rocked to sleep while your friends are downstairs saying, "Can't you just put him in his bed and turn out the light?" Then you want to kill those people. And then? YOUR HAIR STARTS FALLING OUT.

On behalf of the mothers of the world: God? Can we please catch a break?

Comments

[carrie]

Definitely normal. Definitely sucks!!!

I remember day after day, month after month of pulling big wads of hair out of the drain. Finally I called my doctor and he said it was normal up to a year post-partum, but that I should have my thyroid checked if it lasted over 6 months. I did, it was normal. The hair loss stopped. Fast forward to child #2, and it fell out for over a year. I was totally freaking. Got another thyroid test, went to the doctor, normal he says. I'm not going bald, my hair is still thick. But it feels bald to me. Argh.

I feel your pain!

[E.]

Yes, it does grow back! It does! Then you get to be my age and it starts falling out seasonally. I am NOT kdding. October, my favorite month of the year rolls 'round, and BAM! It's like four months after having a baby all over again. So October is not so much my favorite month anymore because, despite the blue skys, colorful trees and deliciously non-humid air, I get a year older and my hair falls out all at the same time. But, I have found something that helps: Arbonne Hair and Scalp revitalizer, or something like that. I just call it Miracle Grow for Hair, because that is essentially what it does. And you summed up the whole indignity of having a baby quite well! (Not that they're not worth it, of course).

[Jennifer]

Eat more protein and fat.

It might not stop the process but hey its a good excuse to eat.

And lots of Pinot Noir.

What's that?

Oh no, it doesn't but I know you like it and I like to see you happy.

[Laura]

Amalah gives some great advice here: http://www.alphamom.com/smackdown/2007/07/five_hair_mistakes_you_are_pro.php#more

[Emily]

YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS. It sucks. And then it starts to grow back? And you have this little halo of fuzzies sticking out of the top of your head. It is a horrible process. Good news: it does end. You get stuck with the fuzzies, but it does end.

[coco brown]

Thank you! I'm not crazy! I have the same thing in the same place. And I have to pull my hair back every day to make it look decent. Sob. Stifled sob. I didn't know if I was just hallucinating that bald patch. But a woman knows....

Check out my blog for my perspective on postpartum style

www.motherofallstyle.blogspot.com

[Lukey]

"It grows back."

Footnote1: I have no experience in this matter, nor do I know if it grows back or not. But, I do what I'm told.

Footnote2: Sometimes, I do what I'm told.

[rosie_kate]

I'll start to grow back before you know it. But just wait-- then it's kinda like a reeeeeally bad layer/thinning job. Or a mullet. Ick.

[rosie_kate]

I'll start to grow back before you know it. But just wait-- then it's kinda like a reeeeeally bad layer/thinning job. Or a mullet. Ick.