Resolving not to stuff my mouth full of candy

You remember watching the Garfield Halloween special, don't you? (Oh, how I miss those cartoon specials. Is it sad that all of my childhood holiday memories include a cartoon special?) Anyway, on Halloween all I can really think about is CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY.

And the good stuff too. Not the Jolly Ranchers and the Starburst, I'm talking the CHOCOLATE candy. Heaps and heaps of CHOCOLATE. ALL FOR ME.

Unfortunately I am a little old for trick or treating and even more unfortunately, my kid is a little too young so I'm unable to dig through his sack of candy. But never fear! We will be spending Halloween out in the suburbs with the grandparents, where they run out of candy within half an hour (even if they've bought fourteen Costco-sized vats of candy) and most of the trick or treaters are of proper trick or treating age. Unlike at my house, where we've had exactly two sets of trick or treaters in two years: the little girl who lives across the street and a gang of teenagers. Teenagers! Have they no shame?

My goal this Halloween is to stay far far away from the Vat O' Candy. I have had an iron will over the last week, but I don't know. A big bowl of Reese's Pieces just might do me in.

(Reese's Pieces = The one kind of non-chocolate candy I allow entry into my mouth.)

ANYWAY.

Remember when we were talking Halloween costumes? And you guys were like, "Duh, he should totally be Fat the Bunny?" And I was all, "Duh, of COURSE he should be Fat the Bunny!"

Turns out bunny costumes are 1) only made for girls and 2) cost $45. I KNOW. And while I love you all, I could not justify spending $45 on a bunny costume. For my boy. Just for the benefit of the INTERNET.

So then I was all, "I am crafty! Sort of! I can MAKE a costume!" I was going to turn my boy into a cute little remote control. Cute! I'd go buy a black onesie and felt in different colors for the buttons. Except they do not sell black onesies. (Who dresses their five-month-old in black? My mother would like to clobber you.)

And then? I got lazy. "Oh, Halloween costumes!" I waved them away. "Who cares? He's only a baby! He won't even remember!"

Except my mother started calling me every other day about cute baby Halloween costumes and one day she and I went shopping and I found a costume. It's biggest selling point? $7.99!

Meet the Jack O'Lantern.

JACK O'Lantern. Get it?

Jackson says, "Eiiiiieeeeeggghhhh!" Which, translated means, "Happy Halloween! Don't eat it all tonight!"

About to shoot myself between the eyes *UPDATED*

A while ago I got a comment that subtly (or not so subtly, because I still remember it) suggested that maybe my baby was not napping because I was, ahem, too busy. Babies like schedules. Babies like routine. Maybe I shouldn't spend my day driving around to tanning salons and asking the paparazzi to buy me lattes and buying fedoras to hide my nasty extensions.

Well. I just want that commenter to know that I am skipping my moms group this afternoon- the one moms group that doesn't make me break out in social paranoia hives- because THE BABY IS NAPPING.

And GOOD LORD did it take a long time to make that happen. It's not like I'm keeping him to some strict schedule. He usually naps three times a day. A morning nap, a lunchtime nap and an afternoon nap. "Morning" can be anywhere from 8 to 10. You know. Me=Flexible. So today around 11:30 he started yawning, and since the second nap has certainly been known to happen around 11:30, I figured he was tired and carted him upstairs to bed. We did the rocking thing and the singing thing and then I oh so carefully laid him down. Covered him up. Went to make myself some lunch.

Five minutes later: WAAAAHHHH. Or more like, "DID YOU PUT ME IN HERE? HOW DARE YOU PUT ME IN HERE!"

And it took me until 1:30 to put him back to sleep. (Not that I was rocking and singing the whole time. For a while the baby was rolling around in his crib while his mother beat her head against her bedroom wall.)

You know what starts at 1:30? The moms group.

You know what else? I finally broke up with the third moms group BECAUSE IT INTERFERED WITH THE HOLY AND SAINTED NAP SCHEDULE.

People, my entire world revolves around when the baby is going to sleep. Entire. World. Because he takes his second nap so soon after the first (and don't ask me why this is, I've tried keeping him up, I've tried making the first nap later, but there are almost always 3 naps) I often don't go out in the mornings. His eating schedule has to mesh perfectly and even then I don't go out unless it's a short trip. Like this morning. He napped, he ate, and I knew we still had some time. So I bundled him up in the Moby and we walked around the neighborhood. (There is a house a few blocks from me with a gigantic duck pond. Who knew?)

Oh holy hell. He's awake.

Time to have the world revolve around ME.

****************************************************************************

WELL! That wasn't a very nice post now, was it.

There have been few times during this parenting gig that I throw my hands up to God (not while I'm holding the baby) while shouting, "I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP DOWN HERE."

So so rarely does my boy not sleep. I mean, it may take him a while to FALL asleep, but he's a good napper. I promise. Just not today. I finally got him down again, although I have no idea what tonight will be like. Today would be a good day to be Katie Holmes and snap my fingers and have one of the nannies come running. Then I could go out and spend my Katie Holmes money on all that stuff I see her wearing in my US Weekly.

I'll have you know I ate a cupcake to make me feel better. Damn the weight loss challenge.

Tomorrow? Jackson (a refreshed and well rested Jackson, hopefully) in his Halloween costume. I know, the thrills on this website are myriad. 

Oooh, a writing prompt!

I'm sitting here attempting to take advantage of PRECIOUS PRECIOUS NAP TIME, but my brain is mush. (Specifically, multigrain cereal mixed with formula, if you must know.) So I'm fluttering about the internet, as I do, and I see this writing prompt from my new best friends:

How long have you lived in Seattle? Why here, of all places? Where else would you live, given your choice, and why?









Well! Even though I'm absolutely positive I have explained my Seattleness a hundred different ways before on this website, there's no reason I can't do it again, right? Did I mention that my brain is mush, that the weather went back to being Horrid, that I sat in front of my lightbox for 20 minutes this morning (oh yes, I have a lightbox) and this is my "work" day? Which means a whole 8 hours of HAVING TO WORK?

And so, my darlings, I have lived in Seattle for all of (GOOD LORD) ten years. Horrors! I am an old person!

I flew into Seattle in August 1997 (the day Princess Diana died, actually, which we plane riders found out when one of the flight attendants (I am not making this up) SHRIEKED and began SOBBING in front of PASSENGERS, some of whom were quite possibly TERRIFIED OF FLYING, like MYSELF.)

I stayed with my grandma for about a month and then my uncle drove me to my dorm and dropped me off. I started classes a few days later.

And I moved here because of in state tuition. Very simple. My mom's family lives nearby and it was more or less home, since we came back every summer. But I applied to forty-seven different colleges and my top two schools were located in Indiana. I KNOW. What was I thinking? In the end city living, lower tuition and family won out over, uh, the things the Indiana schools had going for them which, as I recall, were more academically-oriented. And we all know how I feel about academics so, good choice High School Me!

But the more interesting part of this question is: WHERE ELSE WOULD I LIVE? Because oh, I have given a lot of thought to this question.

Before I married Phillip, I was going to go live in Europe, but the real Europe, not the fake American military base Europe with which I am very familiar. I figured you could do this by teaching English and I was going to live in Prague and teach English and drink lots of Czech beer and become an Expat. Oh Prague, how I love you so. I spent a lot of time looking into teaching English abroad programs and thinking about how I couldn't date anyone or get married because I had to LIVE MY LIFE and SEE THE WORLD.

And then I got married.

After that I was all, "Hmm, what do I do NOW?" So I dreamed up this plan that still involved teaching English, but in China. Brilliant! I didn't really want to go to China, I would have rather gone to Prague, and even more than that I would have preferred to stay in my cheapo apartment with my devastatingly handsome husband and have dinner parties and bake cookies, but NO. Getting married didn't mean I wasn't going to LIVE MY LIFE and SEE THE WORLD, dammit!

Uh oh. This is turning into one of those annoying History of Me posts. Oops!

Suffice to say we did NOT move to China, although we came THIS CLOSE (picture my thumb and index finger thisfarapart) and we have stayed happily thereafter in Seattle because, as I've said more than a few times, I love having a place to be from. Love. It. And now, quite honestly, I don't want to live anywhere else.

I reserve the right to change my mind, of course. If someone offered me a palazzo in Venice I probably wouldn't turn it down. Once Jackson and his fourteen brothers and sisters (ha!) are all grown up Phillip and I might sell off our belongings and get an apartment on the Seine. Or a shack on the Mediterranean. Or a condo in Shanghai with a driver and a maid and a chef. But I love the city and even the thought of moving to the suburbs gives me the shakes.

Although the suburbs come with built in grandmothers and people, you cannot deny the crazy high value of free drop-in daycare.

So! Where would YOU live had you the funds and inclination?

Awesome!

I just found out about Free Rice through Jenny Ryan's site.

How cool is Free Rice?! Indulge your inner word nerd and end world hunger! (Sort of.) Seriously. If you like words, games, competition, bragging about your SAT verbal score AND you want to share the goodness that is rice, Free Rice is the site for you. Go now!

Again with the joiny

Because I don't have anything else to do, I signed up for NaBloPoMo. I know. I KNOW. But, see, I spend 95% of my free time in front of my computer (the other 5% I spend on laundry, the never ending about-to-swallow-me-whole laundry) and I thought, "Why not?" Actually, I thought, "This is the lazy person's version of NaNoWriMo," and because I am a lazy person who is never going to finish the two (two!) novels I have festering on my flash drive, I filled in the form and now I am official. What do I get out of this? I don't know. A sense of accomplishment, I imagine, although the sense of accomplishment must pale in comparison to the folks who trudge through NaNoWriMo. But whatever. If I am signed up for NaBloPoMo then I am practically required to procrastinate, at which, you well know, I highly excel.

A problem I hadn't considered until I was official was what in the world I will write about every single day for an entire month. A month that includes weekends and prolonged periods away from my laptop and a very important American holiday. The NaBloPoMo website (hey, how many times do you think I can type that before my mother finally gives in and clicks the link to see what the hell I am talking about?) addresses this very issue by suggesting [crazy] participants come up with a theme. That way if you're stuck for a post, you can at least focus yourself on your theme. Like, if my theme is "Projects I Will Never Finish Because I Am Just One Of Those People", then dude, I have a LOT of material.

So I thought about this. Themes I considered and ultimately rejected included: Laundry. The Clothes That Still Do Not Fit. Attempts At Making Baby Food. What I Want For Christmas. Ways In Which My Husband And I Have Become Old And Boring. My Love Affair With Target. A Close And Careful Study Of Moms Group Social Structures.

But I am going to write about How I Became A [Know-Nothing, Liturgy-Un-Appreciating, Over Committed, Distracted By The Baby In Front Of Me, Shoot, I Stumbled Over The Creed AGAIN Even Though I Have Been Saying It For Twenty-Eight Years] Catholic. I know. You are practically giddy with glee. What a terribly fascinating subject! All of you are just dying to read what is sure to be a most enlightening history of my faith, AREN'T YOU. Well, sometimes I just want to write stuff I've been meaning to write and this is one of those things I've been meaning to write. Somewhere. Why not on the internet for all the world to see?

It won't be totally boring, I promise. It will include, after all, my first experience with a Real Live Protestant Youth Grouper and the dirty secrets of the Non-Denominational College Fellowship and will finally explain whether or not Catholics really do pray to Mary. (Ha! I must be kidding!) And I won't write about this every single day, just the days I can't think of anything else (probably weekends and the occasional Naps From Hell days.) I hope I still have a few readers by December.

So, is anyone else signed up?

Also, on a totally unrelated subject:

I took care of Jackson all day while Phillip worked from home in his cave office.

I did not do anything about dinner because Phillip said he'd take care of it.

Later he came upstairs and started eating potato chips and watching TV while Jack rolled around on the floor. (Oh dear God, there go the days of leaving him on the changing table.)

Fine.

Eventually I said, in my "I have joined an online weight loss challenge and I have not eaten chocolate in two entire days" cranky voice, "I. AM. STARVING."

He said, "Give me fifteen more minutes. I just want a few minutes to sit after working all day."

I steamed.

Then he said, "Can you watch Jack while I cook?"

And I thought, "I don't get to go to the BATHROOM by myself let alone have the pleasure of COOKING by myself. SO NO, I CANNOT WATCH THE BABY, I WANT MY FIFTEEN MINUTES AAAUUUGGGHHH."

GOTOSLEEPGOTOSLEEPGOTOSLEEP

Thanks for the links, guys. I've already checked out a few and can I just say you all have excellent taste? LOVE your recommendations. In fact, reading some new sites is exactly what I'd be doing right now IF my kid hadn't just woken up from his HALF HOUR NAP and was now rolling about his crib and sharing his displeasure with the entire neighborhood.

(Do not email me to say I should be thankful I get a half hour. I KNOW I SHOULD BE THANKFUL. THIS IS NOT A THANKFUL KIND OF POST.)

Lest you think I'm allowing my sweet baby to howl in his crib, my kid does not cry. There ARE some modifiers to that statement: he cries if he's desperately horribly tired, if he's desperately horribly hungry or if a larger baby has just startled the crap out of him. But it takes forever until he's tired or hungry enough to cry (the startled cry, though, that's instantaneous) and instead we, his parents, are treated to prolonged bouts of complaining.

I'm telling you this to show you that I am completely full of it when I happen to be venting about my kid. He pouts, he moans, he squeals, he shrieks, he protests, he yells (oh my, he yells), but he oh so rarely screams his head off. I know. So shut up, me.

BUT. Just because he isn't crying doesn't mean I am not considering leaving him in his crib until lunchtime. The boy woke up at four this morning. Four! And I dutifully padded out of bed and tried to put him back to sleep and when that didn't work, let him eat a little. Then, since I was feeling charitable about having been able to sleep until four (the prince usually hollers for attention around one or two as well), I sat in the chair and rocked him for a very long time. A very. Long. Time. I was telling myself I should enjoy my sweet little five-month-old baby because five months is my favorite so far and it only lasts one month (how unfair!) and so I rocked him and rocked him and rocked him and finally he fell asleep. This never happens to me. It happens to my mother and my grandmother and Phillip, but for me putting the baby to sleep means vigorous violent dancing and bouncing and singing. Anyway. There I was feeling uber proud of my sleep techniques (oh yes, rocking to sleep is now a TECHNIQUE) and oh so gently I laid my baby in his crib. Whereupon his eyes INSTANTLY flashed open and a big grin broke out on his chubby face.

I covered him up, turned on the mobile and went back to bed to pretend that the baby thing never happened and I've been sleeping eight hours a night all along.

Eventually Phillip got up and put him back to sleep. How, I have no idea. My husband is the baby whisperer. (Come to think of it, he should ALWAYS be the one to put the baby to sleep, don't you think?) And then he woke up at six (six!) and because I am a loving and serving wife, I carted the baby downstairs for some cereal and floortime. Phillip was a doll and put the baby down for his nap before he left for work, but that was only a half hour ago.

I AM TIRED.

The sleep deprivation didn't bother me in the beginning. I expected it. But now? I AM TIRED. Right before I started this post I went in there and picked him up and spent 15 minutes rocking him back to sleep. I even waited another ten minutes to make doubly sure he was asleep before I oh so gently laid him in his crib. But no dice. Awake! Rolling! Rubbing his eyes! Totally annoyed at the fact that he is stuck in his crib!

It is only 9 in the morning, the time when most babies are taking their first nap. HEAR THAT, JACKSON? YOUR FIRST NAP SHOULD START AT NINE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Okay, the whining is starting to get really pathetic. Just thought I'd share. I'd be off to fall asleep in my Honey Bunches of Oats while Jack plays in the exersaucer, except that I joined the freaking weight loss challenge and Honey Bunches of Oats are dead to me. WHAT WAS I THINKING.

What I do when I should be doing something else

Instead of doing the heap of things I've written neatly on a giant piece of yellow legal pad paper and tacked to the bulletin board directly in front of me, I am doing... nothing. Surfing. Reading. Wondering why you people are not updating your websites. Calculating airfare for two and a half people to Hawaii. Kicking myself for scheduling a 'work' day on the sunniest day we've had in a long time. Thinking about crawling into bed to make up for last night's replacing-the-pacifier marathon. Drafting forty-seven versions of an "I can't be in the moms group anymore" email but not actually sending it because I'm a whiny loser who still can't decide if I want to be in the moms group anymore.

At the moment, I happen to be reading this. Rather relevant, I'd say.

I have just about run out of unread items in my feed reader. CURSES! So here is your assignment, Internet: Send me some links! Who should I be reading? What's funny? What's the first blog you check? What was the first blog you read? Chances are we all read the same Very Important Bloggers, but if you had to pick one, who would it be? Who could make a 20-page post about watching paint dry the most entertaining thing you read that week? Did your best friend's cousin's hairdresser's dogsitter just start a blog? Are there topics worth reading other than the mommy variety? (Doubtful, but I'm open!) (Just kidding!) (I'll read anything!) (Especially if it's about TV! Or has recipes! Or is super duper laugh-out-loud funny!) Most importantly, am I reading YOU?

Seriously, Internet. My feed reader needs some updating. Stat.

To cheer you on, here are a few of my picks. Dum dum dum!

The first blog I'm checking lately is Seattle Mom Blogs, because I up and joined a few days ago. (I know! Me! Joiny!) I had to get over my initial embarrassment at not having any IDEA there was even such a SITE as Seattle Mom Blogs, seeing as how I call myself all three of those things, but now I am wondering how I can get all those women to be my new best friends. Not that I need new best friends, but I could really use some blogging friends, those of the real life variety, because it's kinda weird when your real life friends view your favorite hobby as some kind of ailment. As in, "Oh, you're doing that blobbing thing again." Sigh! Anyway, I am working on yet another redesign of this stupid website (maybe they are right about the ailment thing) and it's going to have flair. Kinda like this:

Oooh pretty! (And thank you Seattle Mom Blogs, for letting me hang with the cool kids.)

And while we're doing the joiny thing, I will tell you that I signed myself up for Mrs. Flinger's Weight Loss Challenge. Because I am INSANE. And, as my mother-in-law brought me a four cheese Panera souffle for lunch today, I am off to a rockin' good start.

My I-will-read-her-paint-drying-post blogger is Julia. I can't really remember the first blog I read- probably Amalah like everyone else- but I've been reading Julia for ages. While I love the way blogging connects you to so many people just like you, I especially love how it introduces you to people you'd have no reason to meet in real life. I'm not sure what Julia and I would have to talk about in a coffee shop, but I will read anything she writes. She makes bedrest fascinating!

But since I'm sure you all know about her, what about these fine women who visit this here website? Tara's kid is steps ahead of mine, which means I flit on over to Tara's site to read about the next kind of craziness on the horizon. What in the world is Angela going to have to write about after she gets married? I have no idea, but I will be there to find out! Go tell el-e-e she most definitely needs a Bumbo. (Everyone needs a Bumbo!) I check up on Manda and Nessa and Kris because she always says nice things about me and FLATTERY GETS YOU EVERYWHERE and also my friend who is pregnant and therefore unable to participate in the weekly wine drinking we tend to do around here.

Mmm, wine.

Can you believe I just spent an hour doing this when I could have been crossing things off my to do list? Like: FIGURE OUT HOW TO EARN MONEY. Gah.

And now all that work made me hungry. THANKS. Something tells me I've already lost the $10 I put in the weight loss challenge pot.

A television post addendum

I'm giving my kid ten minutes to fuss in his crib (JUST GO TO SLEEP ALREADY) before I hop in the shower and get ready to spend the day with Grandpa, just long enough to smack myself in the forehead for forgetting Friday Night Lights. I know! How could I?!

Eagle-eyed reader Shelby (hi Shelby! Where's your blog?) alerted me to this most disappointing of errors. Yes, I HAVE been watching Friday Night Lights and there's been all of what? Two? Three episodes so far? As you well know, I thought the book was fascinating and the movie was pretty good. But the TV series (which has pretty much nothing to do with the book except for football and Texas) is my favorite thing on television. I think this has a bit to do with Peter Berg, he of the shaky camera and grainy scenes.

Insert Huge Tangent: Did anyone see The Kingdom? It's a Peter Berg movie (and featuring, if only for minutes, a couple of FNL actors). I really liked it. We were at my folks' house one afternoon and decided to take advantage of the free babysitting and go see a movie. Neither of us were particularly gunning to see it, but you know how it is when you don't want to see the movie the other person really wants to see, right? (Superbad was still out, but I didn't want to tell my parents we were going to see Superbad. Sigh.) So anyway, I agreed to see this movie even though I have two rules about movies: 1) no war movies and 2) no realistic violence. I think the last war movie I saw was Saving Private Ryan which gave me nightmares for weeks. (Same with Ken Burns' WWII documentary, unfortunately. I TiVo'ed the whole thing and really wanted to watch it, but the D-Day episode made me sick to my stomach and the rest of the day I had visions of Jackson paratrooping into enemy lines, UGH. And I can handle, say, space age violence, but nothing that I can picture actually happening. Like no matter how many times people tell me I should see these movies, I am never going to sit down and watch The Passion or the movie about Flight 93. Ever! Do you people WANT me to have a nervous breakdown?) Okay so I just hoped it would be a big ridiculous action movie. And it was. But! It was also really good. They killed about 30 more jihadists than necessary in that last scene, but I really liked how Peter Berg wasn't bashing me over the head with his personal politics and left a lot of it up to me and, well, it was just about HUMANITY and FAMILY and THINKING ABOUT THINGS and I might have cried at the end. All right. End tangent.

So, Friday Night Lights. I thought last season was very real. The high schoolers were a whole lot prettier than the high schoolers I remember, but they talked the way I remember high schoolers talking. Especially the Matt and Julie scenes. The awkwardness of realizing you both like each other, the game you play to make sure he's wrapped around your finger and not the other way around. There were some cliches- the drunk dad, the slutty girl, the crippled kid- but for the most part the relationships ring so true. And Coach Taylor and his wife... MAN. I saw Connie Britton on a late night show a few weeks ago and I was all, "Hey! That's not how Mrs. Taylor talks!" Like she IS Mrs. Taylor. And when I saw an old episode of Grey's Anatomy with Kyle Chandler I was all, "HEY! What are you doing! You're COACH TAYLOR!" (Maybe it is me who has a problem? Possibly?)

Okay so enter this season, which is just as good as last season (even better in the Matt and Julie department, because which one of us didn't do the exact same thing Julie is doing right now?) EXCEPT FOR: (dum dum dum) Landry and Tyra. I don't do this very often, but: WTF!

I just have a SUPER hard time believing that Landry would do this. Smash the guy's face in with a brick? Yes. Definitely. Especially after we saw his declaration of love to Tyra (which, SWOON!) But taking the body? Sticking it in the trunk of a car? DUMPING IT OFF THE SIDE OF A BRIDGE?

Maybe I want to give more credit than is due a lovestruck teenage boy, but that is the dumbest thing ever. And his dad's a cop! Seriously! I mean, I get the emotionalness of it all, and how freaky and scary it would be, but Landry is not an idiot. Tyra- yes. Tyra may get herself to college after all, but she has yet to display a real set of smarts. On the other hand, Landry is the sharpest object in Dillon. He knows what's going on. He's constantly setting out all the options and scenarios for Matt. And then he does this?

What annoys me is that it's going to get smoothed out like the whole steroids storyline last year. When that happened I thought Smash was over. That's a huge deal! And it was nicely ironed out weeks before the season finale. Is that what's going to happen with Landry and Tyra? I just hate storylines where characters do such stupid needless things for the benefit of a little drama. I feel like the writers are lazy. They can pull awesome stuff out of Julie and Matt and the Taylors and Buddy Garrity and even prissy little Lyla with their average this-stuff-happens storyllines. But I feel like they've screwed over one of my favorite characters, because I don't see how this ends well (or ends satsifactorily.) BOO.

I can't believe I have written an entire post about one television show.

So here's another- I watched Ugly Betty last night with my sister and: BEST EPISODE YET. How awesome was that writing class with Victor Garber? AWESOME! I had a creative writing prof kind of like that. We called her Dragon Lady. Dragon Lady ended up publishing one of my angsty poems in her regional poetry journal so I can't be too snotty about her, but dude, she was meeeeean. Possibly we deserved it, just for being creative writing undergrads in the first place. But I felt for Betty, man. Poor Betty. And Marc's collapsing-on-the-floor-scene-of-woe? I love Marc. Sigh.

All right, off to be productive! Have a good weekend.

What am I missing?

I hate days like today. Where ten in the morning looks like four in the afternoon. Days like today should have warnings on the local news, you know, like when the weatherman gives you the pollen count or the smog advisory. Days like today should be labeled for Seasonal Affective Disorder. The weatherman could say it's going to be 55 degrees, gray, with showers on and off through the afternoon, and with a Seasonal Affective Disorder rating of Absolute Misery.

So today is a good day to discuss the new television season, don't you think? I finally got my kid down for a nap, the shades are open and all the lights are on, I'm eating peanut butter (extra-crunchy) out of the jar and watching my first TiVoed episode of Dirty Sexy Money. So far? I love it. Especially Samaire Armstrong, who I hated in The O.C. and Entourage. I love her character in this new show, although maybe it's just that she finally has a hairstyle that doesn't look like Summer went after her with a weed whacker in a fit of jealous rage. (Is it true that Summer and Seth got married in the last episode of The O.C.? I stopped watching long before the end and didn't bother to catch the finale. Seth was very dead to me by then.)

Anyway, I was going to say that I am not so much impressed by TV 2007, although now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I am just not catching the good shows. You will have to let me know.

The one show that Phillip and I both look forward to is Heroes, although we're watching it with a slight wistfulness for last season and crossed fingers that it will get better. I'm not sure if it's slow or we don't care so much about the new characters or if one of us is really extra super annoyed that Hiro is stuck in freaking ANCIENT JAPAN (ahem, that would be me), but something is a bit off. Where did Niki go? Has Peter really joined an Irish gang? Horn Rims is going to the Ukraine? Huh? Whatever. While I'm wishing Claire still had her pretty curls and that Matt and Mohinder would just get married already, I'm writing letters of gratitude to NBC for getting Nathan Petrelli to shave, for Peter Petrelli hacking off his emo bangs and for the new evilishness oozing out of Horn Rims. I like him better when he's sneaky.

I'm also watching House which, in my opinion, definitely needed to shake things up with the Houselings. I was getting a little bored with the Medical Mystery Of The Week and the predictable reactions from the original Houselings. Now we've got the new pretty girl (who I think was Mischa Barton's girlfriend on The O.C., oh yes, I am so very sad to be correct) and the new snotty girl (who I love) and the old non-doctor dude and Kumar, who plays Comic Relief Houseling. And is it me or is Wilson showing a bit more backbone this season? I loved the kidnapping and ransom of the electric guitar. Anyway, even if every episode is often about the same thing, I think I would watch Hugh Laurie sleeping. Or typing. Or mowing the lawn. Or staring off into space. Or anything, really. Have you seen his Inside The Actor's Studio? He is amaaaazing.

We're still watching The Office, natch. So far my favorite has been the Ryan episode. Ryan's such a... well, you know. Also, Kelly? I wish there was more Kelly. Did Karen just disappear? Did she leave? Did they tell us? I thought Karen would be back for a few episodes, at least to kick Jim in the shins. And do you care about Angela's cat? I don't. I'm with Pam. I'm a dog person.

How I Met Your Mother is still on the schedule and I hear this is the season we will meet the mother! Finally! I was never a fan of Ted and Robin, so I'm loving this whole dating-other-people thing. Barney, of course, makes the show. I like Jason Segel and the dude who plays Ted (has he been in anything else?) but I never thought I'd be saying Doogie shows them all up. (Although I loved Doogie. How old was I when Doogie was on? I think it was on the mile long list of shows my mother didn't want me watching.)

My favorite thing about Ugly Betty this season is Justing The Intern (and his boss, Marc.) Fabulous! I'm watching Grey's Anatomy against my better judgment. Talk about stupid. We'll watch Lost when it comes back. Same with Scrubs. Of course I'll be watching Project Runway. With Veronica Mars gone and no more Gilmore Girls, I feel as though there are giant holes in my TV schedule. But!

As for new shows... oh, I had such hope. Alas, all the new shows I am watching are quickly going the route of Sounded Great But Got Incredibly Boring And Eventually Made My Eyes Bleed.

The first show I'm accusing of boring me to death is Chuck. Now, you'd think Chuck is my kind of show. Nerdy guy with a sense of humor. Spy action. Mysteries to solve. Unrequited love. Obnoxious older sisters. A character named Captain Awesome. But after the pilot (which I totally loved, by the way) things got really dull in Chuckland. Why is that? I thought it was just me but some friends last night said the same thing. Maybe I lost my patience with the "secrets downloaded into his brain" thing, because even I think that's stupid. The blond chick is not really anything else except blond. The two agencies vying for power thing is old. But you know, I'll keep watching. I love that Chuck works at a Buy More which is next to a Large Mart. That's hilarious! And I love Chuck himself, who is mostly just a watered down version of Jim Halpert. Even toothy Madison hasn't made me want to quit this show entirely, so we're keeping it on TiVo for now.

Enter Pushing Daisies, the show for which I had the highest hopes. And... meh. I love me some quirky, but boring quirky? No thanks. Again, I love the nerdy main character. I sort of love his quirky love interest. The pies, the knitting, the crazy aunts, the bright colors, the silly dead people- all good. Mere existence of Kristin Chenoweth? Super good. What I can't quite get over is the Harry Potter narration. You know Jim Dale reads the Harry Potter stories, right? That I listen to while I drag a stroller around the lake? So I'm watching this new TV show and all I can think about is HARRY POTTER. Which is usually a good thing, but not when you are trying to invest in a television show which is most decidedly not about Harry Potter.

Phillip has been recording The Big Bang Theory. I am not going to say anything about that. Except: MY EYES, MY EYES.

I did not even bother with Cavemen. Seriously? A whole TV show?

I do not want to talk about it, really, but I am kind of sort of watching Gossip Girl. When it is on. When I happen to catch it. What a stupid show. I feel the same watching Gossip Girl as I do when I'm watching The Real World. And yet, Kristen Bell is narrating! And it's very hard to tear your eyes away from the pretty people. Who are so very very pretty.

Speaking of Kristen Bell, I tried watching Moonlight. I really did. I wanted to like it. I felt sure I could like anything including the name "Jason Dohring". But: MY EYES, MY EYES. Even with Logan's holy presence, this show is unpalatable. Here's to hoping Moonlight is quickly canceled and Logan is snatched up by someone who will make him the star. Why couldn't Logan be a Houseling?!

I have yet to see Bionic Woman. We've got all the episodes stored up and Phillip likes it and keeps asking me if I want to watch the next one with him, but I'm having a hard time getting over the fact that it's a show about Bionic Woman. I just don't know. Should I be watching this?

I know I'm missing a whole bunch of shows, but the boy is waking up and I'm on track to slit my wrists by six. All the light has been sucked out of the sky by a giant swath of rain clouds and Phillip is working late tonight. This is not good for my psyche, people. And people ask me why I hate October.

Bullet points

Last night I was kind of sort of freaking out because I had to

• go to the Church Ladies mom group at 9am
• which is right when my kid is supposed to be napping
• and bring an "egg dish" which I took to mean "baked French toast" because that's what I like
• except I couldn't find my baked French toast recipe
• I could only find recipes that included corn syrup, which
• gross
• so I decided to make a bacon, egg and cheese strata instead
• which I have never made before
• and had to go buy all the ingredients at 5 o'clock last night
• at the Asian grocery store which is not known for its bakery.

And also because right after the Church Ladies mom group I have to

• come home and get ready for the other Church Ladies mom group
• that I volunteered to coordinate
• that I also volunteered to host
• two hours after the first Church Ladies mom group.

This was going to be difficult because

• my house is a wreck
• a friend from the first mom group is also coming to the second mom group and asked if her child could nap upstairs
• which means I have to clean upstairs
• the upstairs being the place I totally trashed yesterday in my efforts to make our bedroom not look like a pig sty
• because you know how when you start cleaning and organizing you make an even bigger mess
• which is horrifying because this particular friend is one of those Put Together People whose person and house is immaculate and gorgeous
• I would like to hate her
• except she's awesome.

And for the second mom group I needed to

• figure out some snacks
• which I decided would be grapes from Costco
• because everybody likes grapes from Costco
• and pumpkin bread
• which I planned to make after I made my strata
• which I planned to make after I made dinner for my husband
• which I agreed to do now that we are On A Budget
• and attempting to eat real food at real dinner times like real people
• instead of Jack In The Box from down the street because
• Jack In The Box is disgusting.

Last night I successfully

• made eggplant parmesan for dinner
• because my mother-in-law was watching the boy all day
• God bless my mother-in-law
• and made the strata which had to be refrigerated overnight
• and made the pumpkin bread
• which is kind of oily and mushy, yum
• and sort of picked things up downstairs and did the dishes
• and decided that my Put Together Friend would just have to help me put myself together the next day.

But I managed to get almost everything done this morning, before the first mom group, including

• fixing my hair
• putting on makeup
• remembering to put on deodorant
• make my bedroom look the nicest its looked since we moved into the house
• slice up the pumpkin bread
• move the furniture
• put blankets down for the babies
• dust bust the floor
• put all the baby toys away
• clean up the kitchen
• fix up the entry way.

Because

• the boy woke up at 5
• and went down for his first nap at 7
• and will be for sale on eBay later this afternoon if anyone is interested.