About to shoot myself between the eyes *UPDATED*

A while ago I got a comment that subtly (or not so subtly, because I still remember it) suggested that maybe my baby was not napping because I was, ahem, too busy. Babies like schedules. Babies like routine. Maybe I shouldn't spend my day driving around to tanning salons and asking the paparazzi to buy me lattes and buying fedoras to hide my nasty extensions.

Well. I just want that commenter to know that I am skipping my moms group this afternoon- the one moms group that doesn't make me break out in social paranoia hives- because THE BABY IS NAPPING.

And GOOD LORD did it take a long time to make that happen. It's not like I'm keeping him to some strict schedule. He usually naps three times a day. A morning nap, a lunchtime nap and an afternoon nap. "Morning" can be anywhere from 8 to 10. You know. Me=Flexible. So today around 11:30 he started yawning, and since the second nap has certainly been known to happen around 11:30, I figured he was tired and carted him upstairs to bed. We did the rocking thing and the singing thing and then I oh so carefully laid him down. Covered him up. Went to make myself some lunch.

Five minutes later: WAAAAHHHH. Or more like, "DID YOU PUT ME IN HERE? HOW DARE YOU PUT ME IN HERE!"

And it took me until 1:30 to put him back to sleep. (Not that I was rocking and singing the whole time. For a while the baby was rolling around in his crib while his mother beat her head against her bedroom wall.)

You know what starts at 1:30? The moms group.

You know what else? I finally broke up with the third moms group BECAUSE IT INTERFERED WITH THE HOLY AND SAINTED NAP SCHEDULE.

People, my entire world revolves around when the baby is going to sleep. Entire. World. Because he takes his second nap so soon after the first (and don't ask me why this is, I've tried keeping him up, I've tried making the first nap later, but there are almost always 3 naps) I often don't go out in the mornings. His eating schedule has to mesh perfectly and even then I don't go out unless it's a short trip. Like this morning. He napped, he ate, and I knew we still had some time. So I bundled him up in the Moby and we walked around the neighborhood. (There is a house a few blocks from me with a gigantic duck pond. Who knew?)

Oh holy hell. He's awake.

Time to have the world revolve around ME.

****************************************************************************

WELL! That wasn't a very nice post now, was it.

There have been few times during this parenting gig that I throw my hands up to God (not while I'm holding the baby) while shouting, "I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP DOWN HERE."

So so rarely does my boy not sleep. I mean, it may take him a while to FALL asleep, but he's a good napper. I promise. Just not today. I finally got him down again, although I have no idea what tonight will be like. Today would be a good day to be Katie Holmes and snap my fingers and have one of the nannies come running. Then I could go out and spend my Katie Holmes money on all that stuff I see her wearing in my US Weekly.

I'll have you know I ate a cupcake to make me feel better. Damn the weight loss challenge.

Tomorrow? Jackson (a refreshed and well rested Jackson, hopefully) in his Halloween costume. I know, the thrills on this website are myriad. 

Comments

[Lindsay]

Well, you DO have a blog, so in a sense you do have a special little place where the world does in fact revolve around you and we're all pretty willing to let it. ;) We love you. You're an awesome mom.

[Manda]

Ha ha! You are so funny! And dang those starlets with their tanning salons. That's right Britney (I know she's totally reading). DANG YOU!

[Laura]

Well, I am totally in trouble tonight...poor Annslee is so behind on sleep she took a 4 hour nap yesterday and today...she just woke up at 6 pm...tonight should be fun!! You would think with all that napping my house would be spotless...ha ha..it is NOT

Can't wait to see the costume..as you may know we have had the costume trio at my house...I am so looking forward to looking at everyone's posts after tomorrow night...all the dressed up cuties!!

[karianne]

I'm so cracking up!

I'm a super laid back mama unless it involves their sleep. It is just too sacred to mess with.

You're doing a great job babe.

[blog nerd]

oooo ooo Happy Halloween will there be pictures of jack in costume? what's he gonna be?

[jenney]

:0) you are my kind of mom... though I must say it took me 3-4 years to figure out the routine thing. I was going to be one of those free-will, Montessori-loving, child-led parenting moms.... which in the long run is bunk!
My only advice.. learn to love the routine! dump every commitment that doesn't fit the routine and in the end you will have more ME time. *angels singing* my kids can play in their playroom fight/whine free for 60 mins while I indulge in things like bathing alone, separating my brows, paying bills, playing SIMS, laundry... etc..
but you are doing a great job!

[Jennifer F.]

I can so relate to this.

I am a naturally introverted, scattered person who doesn't like a lot of noise and chaos. I have three children ages three and under. As you might be able to guess, I LIVE AND DIE by their nap schedules.

Someone was wondering aloud the other day why humans need to sleep. I think I used to wonder about that too, until I became a mother. Now it's really clear. The cave-children and their mothers who didn't nap didn't survive long enough to have their genes passed on to the next generation.