Someone call Child Protective Services

Well, I finally did it. After weeks of feeling rather smug about my ability to quickly and fearlessly clip my baby's fingernails, this morning I snipped off a huge chunk of skin in addition to the nail. Not just a cut- more like taking off an entire layer of skin. Jackson looked at me, wide eyed and astonished, and quickly dissolved into giant baby tears of pain and betrayal. Blood was seeping out of the cut (more like "huge gaping wound" actually). It was like seeing the heel prick test at the doctor's office, only worse because I was the one making my baby bleed and for absolutely no medical reason at all.

I, of course, lost my you know what.

"PHILLIP!" I screamed. "GET THE BAND AIDS! GET THE BAND AIDS!" Jack was crying and I was crying and all I could think to do was grab his tiny baby thumb and stop the blood flow with the nearest burp rag. Phillip could not get the band aid on fast enough, in my opinion, and then when he finally put it on, the blood soaked through within seconds. Which made me cry harder.

I decided we would both feel better (me and the baby, who cared about the father?) if I tried to nurse him. So we did that and Phillip attempted to apply a second band aid and also file down the rest of his fingernails because no way were we going to clip the rest. Jackson calmed down and even smiled at us a few times, but I could not relax. I sliced off my baby's fingertip!

Even worse, Phillip's parents were coming by in, like, five minutes to babysit so Phillip and I could go out to lunch and catch a movie. This meant I would have to explain why their grandchild was wearing bloodstained pajamas and a soaked-through band aid on his thumb.

Phillip kept telling me Jackson was okay and that cutting off his tender baby flesh was surely not the worst thing we would do to our kid. Reluctantly I agreed to leave him in the care of his more capable grandparents and we went to lunch. (But no movie. Something is wrong when the only movie you and your husband will agree to see together is Superbad. What is our problem? SUPERBAD? Really?) Anyway, not that I enjoyed myself. Every time I thought about Jack's thumb I felt sick. Just recently, because I am a clutz and a half, I got one finger stuck in our folding closet door and my thumb stuck in a corkscrew bottle opener. (Not at the same time.) Do not ask me how either of these things happened because I have no idea. I'm pretty sure both inanimate objects jumped out and bit me. Both times drew blood and required that I not wash my hair with that particular hand unless I wanted a side helping of stinging with my morning shower. My thumb healed only days ago and NOW MY BABY'S THUMB WAS HURTING JUST LIKE THAT.

Before I had a baby I would have looked at a person like myself and rolled my eyes as far as they could go. It's just a CUT. It will HEAL. Melodramatic much? Babies are resilient little creatures and like my mother-in-law the nurse is fond of reminding us, his cells are quickly multiplying! His thumb gash will go away much faster than mine did. But this baby is MY baby and the sight of his bloodied thumb is not going to leave my brain any time soon.

I still feel sick,. Especially because the baby fell asleep when his grandparents got here and has been sleeping ever since. For Phillip this means we'll have a well-rested happy baby for the afternoon. To me this means: MY CHILD IS TRAUMATIZED AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

In other news, the grandparents bought him a Bumbo and Jackson and the Bumbo are the cutest combination in the history of unnecessary baby items.

Oh yes that IS a band aid on my thumb.

Anyone who wants to assure me that my baby can still be a functioning human being without his thumb tip is welcome to leave a comment, as well as anyone who can one up me in the child endangerment contest. I will be standing paranoid over his crib, band aids in one hand and a stiff drink in the other.

Comments

[Tara]

We had some friends over a few weeks ago, and were discussing this very same topic. It turns out that the guy's mom did the same thing to him when he was an infant, and his mom never told him what the teeny tiny scar was on his pinkie until recently! And he still loves his mom. :-)

[Angela]

Oh no! I can completely understand your horror--bizarrely enough I feel similarly about trimming the dogs' toenails, although I'm sure on a COMPLETELY lesser level.

Also, that last picture? Oh my gosh, I don't even know your baby and I want to print that out and frame it! He looks like a little human baby Dalek!

[kris]

Just write the damn book already, you are the best read I swear. I'm laughing and feeling bad for you (and for Jackson's thumb) all at the same time.

No worries. My sis was cleaning the bathroom with her oldest (who was 14-15 months at the time) picked up the bottle of Clorax and just started CHUGGING. Major esophogeal burns and a trip to the ER. I think that might make you feel better about the thumb incident. Plus he looks like he's proud he survived it- all cuddly, cute, and happy.

[Anette]

I clipped my oldest daughter's finger when she was four months old and cried way longer than she did and have not cut them since (Dad's job now!)Which means I have never cut my youngest daughter's fingernails - She is almost ten and her sister is fourteen. If they want polish (although they mostly do this themselves now) they have to get Dad to trim their nails first.

I am not saying you won't ever get over this but....I haven't yet :)

[Annie]

I did the EXACT SAME THING to my Christopher, probably when he was about the same age as Jackson. And he cried. And he BLED (I never knew that fingers were such fountains). And I cried. It's one thing to experience the first time your child hurts himself. It's a completely different experience when your child is hurting because YOU SLICED OFF HIS THUMB. And I only say this to you because of our shared misery in this department. But Alas! Rest assured, he will survive! He will thrive! After sporting an ugly little scab on his thumb for however long those things last, he healed up and is a perfectly functioning almost one year old with a perfectly functioning opposable thumb.

Frame that photo of Jackson in the bumbo.

[Katie]

That pic is ADORABLE.

[Maggie]

Awwww. This story is so poignant! You really are an amazing writer, because I'm not even close to being a mom and I still felt a weird sense of personal remorse for Jackson's (tiny) injury. I'm sure that he will be just fine, though, and he probably won't even remember that it happened! Besides, he has to be doing well, because no kid who was suffering from personal trauma could take a picture THAT CUTE. He might possibly be the third cutest kid in the entire world. Keep your chin up and the alcohol away from the baby :-)

[Arwen]

I clipped the tip of Camilla's thumb when she was about six months old. Still makes me feel guilty and queasy to think about it, but she is SO over it. And it healed amazingly quickly - a little scab for a couple of days, and that was it.

I can one-up you, too: Milla has fallen off our bed and a bed in a hotel room, and off of two different couches. Officially the Worst Mother Ever, right here. Although, really, the thing I feel worst about is not the physical hurts she suffers (they're passing, after all) but the emotional trauma I've caused her. Like, the other night when she wouldn't go to sleep and wouldn't go to sleep, and I finally just started bawling my own self, and within seconds she was WAILING. Seriously! I'm supposed to be nurturing her, here. Years from now she's going to be in therapy and discover that the source of all her neuroses is that her mom started dumping on her when she was only ten months old. Awful.

Also, I categorically refuse to let her play with my laptop, which frustrates her mightily. She's yelling at me right now about it, actually. Gotta go.

Jackson might possibly be the cutest Bum-baby ever.

[yoonie]

The Bumbo!! My niece also has a Bumbo (or what I like to call the Booty Bucket). Jack looks tres adorable in it!

[Maureen]

I've done that to my Jack. I also elbowed him in the face when he was about 6 days old. And I left him in the Moses basket on the floor and didn't warn his three-year-old cousin who then tripped and sat on Jack's head. Jack was about 8 days old at that point. And I have a terrible habit of THINKING I've clipped his nails nice and short so he can't scratch himself, but ACTUALLY clipping them straight across and inadvertently leaving dagger-sharp points on the edges of the nails that he uses to scratch the ever living heck out of his ears and face. AND Andrew looked away from him in the tub for ONE NANOSECOND and Jack scooted down to the other end, stood up, slipped, and fell on the fixture and gave himself a fat lip. MY BABY HAD A FAT LIP. THAT ALSO BLED.

Despite all of this, he is still fine as can be and smiles at me all the time and his lip looks totally normal. And also, that picture of your Jack in the Bumbo is the most adorable thing I've ever seen and makes me wish we had had a Bumbo so that I could have taken a similar photo.

Lastly, you should all note that my HUSBAND is the one who let him get a fat lip, so even though he only was in charge for one injury, it was the worse of them. So we're equally bad parents.

[kellilu]

Impossibly cute. I think that wry grin on young Jackson's face means he has inherited his mother's marvelous sense of humor! (c:

I'm not yet a mother, but i am a survivor of such an incident... when I was somewhere around 11 months, my dad was watching me alone while mom was at work... we were playing on the floor in the hallway upstairs, and dad (whose sleep schedule was cockeyed with a strange work schedule), fell asleep. I somehow ended up at the top of the stairs, sans baby-gate, and proceeded to tumble all the way down the stairs - he immediately woke up, and i wish i could have seen his lanky 6-4 frame chasing a tiny bouncing baby down the steps! as all was well (after i cried it out a bit), it's now a favorite family joke. My mom pinned a "careful, daddy!" note to my hat the next day, and the snapshot has a place of pride in the family album. (c;

[ren]

ok that pic is adorable! we have the bumbo too, although my youngest son has always been such a hoss that he only really fit into it for a short time.
ok, i think i can top the fingernail story. not only have i done that once to EACH of my sons (and so now my husband does the nail clipping, which makes for some pretty long fingernails when he goes TDY for a few weeks), but my oldest son has fallen down the stairs, both sons have fallen off of the bed numerous times, and when my youngest son was a few days old with pretty bad jaundice, we had him laying in a bassinet in the sunlight (like they tell you to do) and we fell asleep and let him lay there, BAKING IN THE FLORIDA SUN, for about 45 minutes. he was fine, but i was sure we had given him a heat stroke and caused brain damage for sure. on second thought, maybe that's why he doesn't talk yet :).

[Kate]

Your child is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I agree with Angela, I'm going to pin that picture up in my cube! Ok, not really, but he is cute! And? He looks perfectly happy, bandaged thumb and all.

[Jenny Ryan]

I am BLINDED by the cute!! Not sure if that much adorable-ness is actually legal. :)

[Christina]

Oh man I've done so many things to my 4 kids I can't even remember them all. And I hate clipping kids' nails... I always cut at least one too short.
Your son is so unbelievably cute!!!

[Laura]

Love that picture!!! I totally understand your trauma....Annslee slipped on the side of the pool and fell in the other day and I was RIGHT there and couldn't catch her. Dad of course said, oh, she is fine didn't hit her head. All I can think of is what if she had!! Guilt is a Mommy curse.

[el-e-e]

I think I did that to AJ on his FIRST fingernail clipping adventure! So I blame myself for the fact that he now (at age 3) BITES his nails all the time. Toenails, too, if they get long and "sharp." (gross!) I just KNOW he's trying to avoid my SLICE n DICE job with the clippers.

Bad Mommy Award, pass it over here!

[E.]

Ok, my MOM clipped my second daughter's finger before I ever even brought her home from the hostpital! MY MOM! Who raised four children of her own! I never did that, but I did leave my oldest unattended in the swing for a minute (which the directions and warning labels very clearly state NOT to do) and she climbed out, fell, and had a great big red spot on her forehead. She was about six months old or so. I was sure social services was going to show up at my door any second. I so understand your guilt, but trust me, you'll get over it. Maybe not this specific incident, but the all-consuming guilt over accidentally hurting your child. It happens. And you know what else? They'll hurt you too, and it won't always be accidentally. You should see the huge two-year-old-son-inflicted bruise on my arm!

[karianne]

That picture has got to be the best one yet!

[Jennifer]

Late to this one but I must correct you Bumbos unnecessary? They are essential for going to the bathroom and having a certain someone join you for grace at the dinner table. Not to mention a wonderful perch atop the dryer while mommy is doing laundry.

I can't live WITHOUT the Bumbinator (as we call it) and we have the same color one, too.

Jackson is SCRUMPTIOUS. I want to bite his cheeks.

(Why do we imagine devouring our young---are we all latent Medeas or is it just me?)

[susan]

hey maggie! i was sharing your story with some mom friends here at work- and one gal mentioned cutting her son's nails when he was sleeping? just a thought !:)