No real train of thought, but a post nonetheless!

Phillip went back to work today. I am home. Alone. With a mewling infant.

Okay, so not very alone. Lunch was delivered by my old friend Neighbor and her eight-month-old and my in-laws are here right now. ("I can hold the baby while you take a nap!" "Do you want to do some work? I'll hold the baby! "Want to go to the store while I hold the baby?" "Let me fund a month-long all expenses paid Hawaiian vacation so I can hold the baby!")

But for a few hours this morning, in between Phillip tearing himself away from Jackson and my friend showing up with twelve tons of food, I was on my own. I fed the baby while I watched the morning news. I stuck the baby in his car seat and dragged him into the bathroom so I could take a shower. I wrapped him up and propped him in the Boppy while I ate some Cheerios and did the dishes and dusted the living room. He slept while I organized the giant mountain of loose papers that have taken over the dining table. I slid him into my new Moby wrap and we went outside to mail some thank you notes. We sat on the couch and watched The Real Housewives Of Orange County and ate the Godiva chocolates my next door neighbor gave me last night, which is pretty close to sitting in the bath reading trashy magazines and eating bon bons, don't you think? I could definitely get used to this staying at home thing.

Except that I have no idea when I'm going to do the millions of things I have to do. I was giving myself at least two months before I even begin to think about work stuff, but someone just emailed me about a new project that sounds pretty cool and would pay me actual paper money. What is this Pages feature in TypePad? For I must know and also, I need to fix up the funky pages I already have. My shopping list keeps growing. My list phone calls to return keeps growing. People have brought us so much food that we can't keep up with the leftovers and the fridge is probably growing all sorts of new fungal species. There are bills to pay and announcements to print and send, laundry to wash and fold, and you are not going to believe this, but packing up and putting away of preemie clothes. I KNOW. About half of his preemie clothes are too small because they either were actual honest-to-God preemie clothes and he's grown out of them, or they are preemie clothes for the Jolly Green Giant's small baby and I somehow shrunk them in the wash. Even when I washed them in cold and dried them on the lowest heat. What's up with that?

He is still a SMALL BABY but he's getting to be a looong baby and this growing out of things is making me sort of weepy. Sniff.

Everyone says I should take a nap. Seriously. The chorus of GO TAKE A NAP is constantly ringing in my ears. But I don't WANT to take a nap. Do you hear me, people?! I am getting a little annoyed with you. For one thing, I have never been able to nap. Anxious fidgety people like myself are not good nap takers. Also it is bright and sunny out nearly every day and who wants to climb into bed when you have flowers to water and a Moby wrap to stick the baby in so you can walk down to the lake and get an ice cream cone? There is just always something to do, and taking a nap is never at the top of the list. Sure I'm tired in the middle of the night, but I bet I'd be tired even if I'd taken a nap.

I should probably stop complaining and tell you a bit about How Things Are Going. Everyone wants to know how he's sleeping and eating (and even if they don't want to know, they ask anyway, because these are the two things around which a new parent's world revolves) and I would have to say: fairly well, thank you very much. Again, this is possibly because of my drastically low expectations for all things newborn. He's a little fussy, a little gassy, he has his days and nights mixed up and he takes forever to eat. But! He doesn't shriek and scream and howl for hours on end, like other babies I've known. We've yet to even consider driving him around the block in a last ditch attempt to get him to sleep. He's gassy, but what baby isn't gassy? He wants to stay up all night talking about fuel prices and the '08 election when his parents just want to sleep already, but I'm pretty sure sleep deprivation was part of the new baby deal. And he may not have the eating thing completely figured out (and do not assume his mother does either!) but at least he EATS. These first couple of weeks are HARDLY the nightmare I thought they would be. Of course, I am always waiting for the shoe to drop, so we'll see. Every day is different.

And even when the baby has latched and unlatched himself forty-seven times in the course of half an hour and I am about ready to pitch him out the window, that drunk-on-milk face is the absolute cutest thing in the entire world.

This is where I would insert a picture of the drunk-on-milk face, but SOMEONE hasn't uploaded the pictures on the camera. Not that I am going to point fingers, but you can probably guess who that SOMEONE is. Complaints may be sent to mightymaggieATgmailDOTcom.

Comments

[Vanessa]

It's good to know things are going well. And how exciting about an actual paper money job!! And yes, please, tell SOMEONE that there needs to be pictures uploaded of the adorable SMALL BABY. Cuz he is just so damn cute.

[Arwen]

I think you have done yourself a darn good favor by having such low expectations! A lot of people (uh, I used to be one of them) expect sunshine and roses and then are floored when taking care of a baby turns out to be Hard Work. You expected Living Hell, and now you are happy that you aren't in it! A good strategy, methinks.

Don't worry, he'll eventually get better at latching.

[Stef]

Yes! I remember the constant nagging about having a nap. The few times I did have a nap, I woke up feeling more sleep-deprived than ever. For me it was an all or nothing proposition, and I functioned much better in a constant state of zombie. Follow your intuition.
P.S. The sentimental, weepy thing continues with each passing phase. A tiny sock can break my heart!

[Christina]

What are you, SuperWoman? All those people are telling you to NAP because you are putting the rest of us to shame! I think I got absolutely nothing done for the first 3 months of my kids lives. Well, if I did, I don't remember doing it. Sleep deprivation also does lovely things to your memory. ;-)

Love the drunk-on-milk face; and the waking up stetchy face... sigh, babies are so cute!

[Salome Ellen]

Re the refrigerator: Some of the best-advice-I ever-got was something one of her neighbors actually said to my MIL -- "Well, Nina, do you want to throw this away now or later?" If the refrigerator is bulging, throw it away NOW and don't feel guilty.

[Carrie/Piesbonitos]

So glad to hear that things are going good!

Man, you are making me miss that drunk-on-milk look my babes used to give me, way back when......

So is he actually fitting into the 0-3 mos. stuff, or just outgrowing some of the preemie stuff. I swear they make gaps in between all of the sizes so they can't fit in one or the other!

I can't wait for some new pics!

[Laura]

You have a wonderful outlook on motherhood and that will serve you well. Days don't always go as planned but sometimes that means they turn out even better! Oh, and tell the inlaws to send me some good food...I am having withdrawl : )

[Shannon]

OK, I suck, but I just have to say it...I told you so about the preemie clothes! You must have some good mommy milk there, WTG!

And there is nothing better than the milk-drunk face...absolutely precious--M. would combine it with a stretch!

Be easy on your self. The stuff to do will always be there.