The one thing I can't do without

I have written about ten posts since the last one. I wrote about how my neighbor's house got tagged last week and how the cops told him that 'CRIP BK' didn't mean 'CRIP BLOCK' like we naive yuppie townhouse owners assumed, it meant 'CRIP BLOOD KILLER' and my neighbor should probably paint it over before some other miscreant youth arrives to spray it over with 'BLOOD CK'.

I wrote about how the eight of us [completely awesome] townhouse neighbors got together that night to verbally abuse miscreant youths over many bottles of wine and Trader Joe's appetizers. And how I couldn't even enjoy a few sips of wine because fermented grapes are leaps and bounds above baked chocolate goodies when it comes to vicious evil heartburn.

I wrote about how my parents are moving back home (number 487 in the series) and how I'll miss things like my annual Easter package, which this year contained size XXXL silky pajamas "for lounging", newborn onesies from the BX, copious amounts of Italian chocolates, freaky looking Easter chicks that are now sitting on my mantle ashamed of their own existence and one of those horrid Italian cakes because even though I think they're only good for mopping up oil spills, Phillip thinks they're yummy.

But today I'm really only concerned with one thing, that being: I CAN'T DECIDE ON A DIAPER BAG OH GOD PLEASE HELP.

(Okay, that's not the only thing. Question 1: What do you do when you are too much of a ninny to say no and you now have fourteen bouncy seats taking over your very small living room? Question 2: Holy hell, am I getting a pregnancy rash? Question 3: What do you wear to your baby shower when you are already twice the size of all your friends, even when not pregnant? This question is especially complicated by the fact that all the things you think look cute in the stores actually look like (pick one) muu muus, old man pajamas or Paris Hilton-approved maternity attire in the dressing room.)

I tried to buy a diaper bag this weekend. A very nice person gave me a very nice gift certificate to the ultra-trendy maternity store in the ultra-trendy outdoor shopping mall and I decided I would use said gift certificate to subsidize a very expensive ultra-trendy diaper bag. (Note: I am not ultra-trendy nor do I ever spend a lot of money on anything. Pretty much everything in my closet comes from Target, people. But oh, how I covet those $100+ diaper bags I see all over the internet and dammit, I'm just going to BUY ONE.) So anyway, Phillip went to Barnes & Noble to look at SQL Server 2005 books (I KNOW) and I went to stand in front of the diaper bag selection at the cutesy maternity store. Whereupon I had, like, fifteen nervous breakdowns.

Nervous Breakdown #1: This bag is perfect! But it's damaged! Some idiot poked a hole in the strap! Gah! Maybe they have another one? No, but they will give me a discount. But I don't want a bag with a HOLE. I want my bag to be NEW and PERFECT! Weep!

Nervous Breakdown #2: This bag is perfect! Except it's ugly! Maybe they have one that doesn't look like Marc from Ugly Betty redesigned Army camouflage! They don't! Gah!

Nervous Breakdown #3: That lady over there just told me I should get a backpack style diaper bag, because they're more convenient. But I hate backpacks! I want a messenger bag! But she has an actual baby and I totally see how a backpack could be more convenient! What am I going to do NOW? Ack!

Nervous Breakdown #4: I love this bag! Wait, no I don't. Maybe I love THIS bag! Or maybe I love THIS bag? Or maybe, MAYBE, I HATE ALL OF THE DIAPER BAGS IN THE UNIVERSE.

And so on and so forth.

Here are my (possibly contradictory, but shut up) requirements:

1. Big, but not too big. Big enough for someone who intends, at least, to attempt cloth diapering. Not so big that I feel I am one of those awful people who refuses to check a suitcase.
2. Straps where messenger-style is at least one of the options. One of the bags I looked at could be strapped any which way, which I thought was pretty cool. Too bad it looked like Strawberry Shortcake threw up all over it.
3. Speaking of Strawberry Shortcake, I am actually a fan of bright colors and swirly flowery designs, but I don't want too much of bright or swirly or flowery. And I will know that when I see it.
4. Functional. Those silk brocade bags are gorgeous, but I can't imagine having to clean them. And a lot of the cool pretend-I'm-not-a-mom bags don't have a lot of pockets and seem like the insides would get stained pretty quick.
5. But not too functional. I am not a fan of those bags covered in vinyl. I mean, I can cover one of my other bags in Saran wrap for free.

I don't see why I'm having such a hard time with this. I picked out a sling, for goodness' sake, and do you know how many different kinds of slings and opinions about slings are out there? GAZILLIONS. We decided on car seats and strollers and where the baby will sleep and all that other stuff, but the holy diaper bag... it's like it will be an extension of my very own self. And how does one encapsulate her very own self into a bag if one is not, say, a Hollywood starlet with infinite disposable income? SIGH. Life is so very very difficult.

Comments

[SHannon]

Not stylish, but I went for the Lands End backpack diaper bag, and it served its purpose through two babies and is ready for the 3rd. Black, so it goes with everything.

About the heartburn...it was an issue for me during labor, I had a hard time pushing because it was so bad, so bring Tums with you and have your dh sneak them to you just in case. It was way easier than waiting for drs. orders...just an idea. Hopefully that won't be an issue for you, but it was for me...the good news, immediate relief once the baby was born!

[Salome Ellen]

Go through Arwen's archives and find the link to her bag. I can vouch that the insides are lovely.

[Arwen]

I actually like my bag quite well, but I don't think it would be big enough for someone who is doing cloth diapers. Plus, it doesn't have any strap options, and can't be used messenger style, so I don't think it's for you.

Did you see all the hundred million links on Amalah's site after she asked for diaper bag suggestions? Link: http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2006/02/wednesday_advic.html#comments
Maybe you can find something there, although if you're like me you can also waste an entire afternoon clicking on those links. (Do it now! While you still can!)

Lots of people love Lands' End diaper bags, and while I'm sure they're unbelievably functional, I don't really think they're that cute. Which is why I didn't consider getting one for myself. (Shallow!) However, the diaper backpack that we ordered from Lands' End is AWESOME. And cheap! (Comparatively.) If you're thinking about getting a backpack for Phillip, check it out.

I personally think the JP Lizzy diaper bags are adorable. If I ever decide to spend more money than I've ever spent on a bag before, I'm totally going for one of them.

Just a thought - does the store where you have the gift certificate have a website? Or could they order a bag for you? Because I think it'd be worth it to wait for the perfect bag - even if it didn't get here before the baby, and you had to stopgap with a different bag - rather than to settle for something you don't really love. You know?

Tell us what you decide to get!

[E.]

My first diaper bag was entirely vinyl, with elasticized pockets, and decorated with Muppet Babies. It was a gift. From someone who obviously was not a good friend. So every other bag I've had since then has, needless to say, made me feel tres chic. Good luck on your quest for the perfect bag!

[Maureen]

Even though I use cloth diapers, I cannot help you. I used the free hospital bag while waiting for my sister to be done with her Petunia Picklebottom bag, which I now use. It's only OK. While very pretty, it's sort of massive and does not have a lot of pockets and falls off my shoulder. That being said, it does fit all the stuff I need (except for when I am leaving Jack with his grampa.)

Hey, what sling did you get?

[lab]

Love your stories! I was you about 3 years back, had my awesome baby boy in May 04!

Tried several bags, but ultimately worked my way to the land's end too. 2.5 years and still looks good. And monogramed too, helps separate yours (esp if you do black). Great pockets - very useful and easy wipe up - major plus. These bags are workhorses, not the cutest out there, but a good choice for me.

[PiesBonitos]

I know what you mean! That was my toughest purchase with son #2. I think we have similar taste in diaper bags. I don't like vinyl. I didn't want a character from a cartoon or an animal on it. I didn't even want it to scream "this is a diaper bag!!!", I didn't want a backpack. I didn't want that standard black bag that enfamil gives to you when you deliver at the hospital (as if them giving you a bag will really convert you to their formula, stupids). I wanted it to be big, but not too big. I wanted it to look fun, but not scream out "LOOK AT ME!!". I did eventually find one when i was 8 months pregnant at Burlington Coat Factory of all places. It was perfect. But I checked a heck of a lot of places before I found it. Guess how many times I've carried it. Like 10. LOL LOL Instead I ended up finding this really cute, hippy kind of cloth bag with a big strap at Old Navy. It became easier to just stuff things in there like jackets, diapers, toys, my older son's sippy cup, my wallet, etc.

I will say that cloth diapering doesn't take up a lot of room in a diaper bag. Not really that much more than 'sposies do. I just take a big ziploc bag with me and I stuff my soiled diapers in there, in my diaper bag. Unless I'm gone for a looong time, I usually use only 1-2 diapers. I carry 3.

So I pack 3 diapers, a ziploc bag, a little container of wipes, and sometimes a few toys and an extra outfit. I'm not one of those people that pack the kitchen sink. I've rarely found myself in a bind from not having something. So I stick to just being a minimalist packer in my Old Navy bag. And I can throw that thing in the washer, which I do every week. It's perfect.

Hope you find a fun diaperbag!