An almost baby-less post

My new hire starts tomorrow and I have no idea what to do with her. Isn't that terrible? I'm flashing back to my first day when I was parked in front of a computer and told to figure things out, but I refuse to do that to my new hire. I'm trying to collect the few bits of work I've got floating around for practicing purposes (not because I am too lazy to do them myself) but since I've spent the last month or two trying to tie up loose ends, there's just not a whole lot for her to do. Just wait till she realizes how much time she can spend on the internet!

But just because there's not much to do right now doesn't mean she won't be utterly swamped come mid-May when things pick up again and I won't be here to tell her what's what. Poor thing. So I've spent the last couple of days making a little How To Do Everything Book, because I am kind and sweet and oh so incredibly anal. Anyway, I am telling you about this book because I got to use the coolest program to make it. Internet friends, meet Snag It.

Oh yes. I AM this nerdy. I've created tutorials of not one, not two, but three built-by-me databases for my new hire using this screen capture program and every little feature it offers. In fact, my new hire may even be offended by my level of detail, thinking to herself, "DUDE, does she think I'm STUPID?" But no, I don't think she's stupid, I am just very excited about my free 30-day trial.

However, it's not like I can give her the book and wave goodbye. I have to think of actual stuff to do. So far I have thought of:

• Giving her the scoop on her new coworkers
• Reciting the history of the company
• Insisting she kiss my ring for convincing my boss to outsource all the crappy parts of this job
• Going out to lunch

I don't know. What are you supposed to do on your first day? Every first day I've ever had involved sitting in front of a computer and realizing I was on my own. I think that's mean! I'm STILL cranky about no one telling me anything when I started here. Also for how they all called me New Girl for nearly a year. A year! My poor new hire. She has no idea.

Thankfully she has a much friendlier personality than I do. She might actually want to chit chat with her coworkers instead of throwing them the stinkeye for constantly interrupting her blog reading. I'm pretty sure she is not afraid of the phone. She claims to enjoy meeting new people. She smiles. Everyone is going to like her better than me, I know it. Wah.

OH WAIT. I did have that one first day at the cafe on campus where I was supposed to make 47 different espresso drinks at once while my "supervisor", a 20-year-old music major, mixed screwdrivers using swiped food service orange juice and his personal flask. Good times!

Hee. I just took a look at the job description we handed out to potential candidates. "We are looking for an outgoing, intelligent and collaborative individual..." It's like they wanted to make sure they didn't get stuck with another finicky nitpicky neurotic whose most developed skill is the ability to tune out mindless conversation and focus completely on her computer monitor. I swear, the only thing I've got going for me is the steady stream of homemade chocolate chip cookies I deposit on the snack table.

Oh, this is going to be another post I have to delete, huh?

Anyway, thanks for your comments yesterday. I'm sort of embarrassed because I am FINE, REALLY and people were emailing me and calling me to make sure I wasn't about to leap off the nearest bridge or something. But I'm fine, Phillip is fine, we are as ready as we're going to be, but I still have to figure out what I'm doing with my new hire tomorrow. Gah.

Comments

[SHannon]

OMG< I just remembered I actually brought a screwdriver with me to class once. Good times!

And you are so thoughtful, I am sure the new hire will appreciate it!

[Christina]

You are the nicest person-leaving-a-position ever. Better too much info than not enough, I think! And how do you know they didn't write that job description with the intent to find someone *exactly* like you?! (maybe sometimes we don't see ourselves the way others see us?) :-)

[Laura]

What a sweetie you are. I know what you mean..plunk you down in front of a computer and have you do online tutorials...YUCK Hey, giving her someone to eat lunch with the first week will do her the most good...aren't you just the nicest! Wish we lived closer and Annslee and I would join you : )

[Gaming Ted]

Wow, when I leave jobs I'm nowhere near as nice as you are. I show them around for like 3 minutes, maybe take 10 minutes to show them what their duties are, then I'm done. You are far, far nicer than I am.