Photoblog!

Honestly. You people are so demanding.

This post is brought to you by my 30-week doctor appointment, where I stepped on the scale backwards and sheepishly muttered, "uhh, does prenatal yoga count?" when my doctor asked, again, if I was getting any exercise because no one wants to read about how ashamed I feel about my weight gain, again, for the love of GOD.

(Phillip, however, has no choice and doesn't deserve one since he spent our retirement money on tickets to the Police concert happening mere DAYS after our baby is born. Where, you may be asking, are his priorities? GOT ME, INTERNET! Well, let's just say even his coworkers found it a little unwise that he has now purchased a Roomba AND concert tickets without first asking his cranky pregnant wife.)

On to the photoblog!

Where magic is mixed

What? I'm not ALL about pictures of adorable bedding. I also love adorable appliances, especially if they are cherry red and produce copious amounts of lemon bars and chocolate chip cookies.

Attempting to win my love

Those are flowers from my husband AND a chocolate bunny. The only reason the chocolate bunny is still in existence is not because I'm waiting till Easter, ha, it's because the heartburn is trying to kill me. Have I mentioned the heartburn? And the slow burny death?

Heartburn, thy name is Thin Mints.

Saturday's middle-of-the-night heartburn culprit. Why don't I get heartburn from VEGETABLES?

Think of the blurriness as artistic expression.

Aha! The crib! Which does not look black in this picture, MOM. I'm kicking myself for not taking pictures of the, uh, creation of the crib, in which six-foot-two Phillip and five-foot-nothing sisters are crammed into the corner of the little yellow bedroom on their hands and knees arguing over who gets to use the single Allen wrench.

Cutest bedding ever, yo

My sister spent about 45 minutes arranging the quilt Just So. The quilt that you are not supposed to use, so I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. Hang it on the wall? Put it on the floor in the living room so the baby can roll around on it and learn his ABCs at the same time? I bought that Boppy pillow for a shower gift. Should I get one? And the little yellow star thingy hanging off the side of the crib was one of the first baby presents from my mom. The directions are all in Slovak (Slovak! The language of Slovenia! Right? Like I'm supposed to know what they speak in SLOVENIA.) but I think you stick some batteries in it and then it projects a little star show on the ceiling.

My child shall be brilliant.

Dear CoCaLo Brand Baby Cuteness: You could make a heck of a lot more money off of me if you only started making matching stuffed animals. Just a thought. Love, Maggie.

I didn't say it was functional.

Oh yes. Of course I bought the matching window valance. Phillip will attest that my handful of quests for the perfect curtains is a lot like the quest for the Holy Grail only a lot more aggravating, so when I said, "I want this overpriced non-fuctional nursery item as well," he did not protest.

The path to Devastatingly Handsome begins with an extra-large noggin.

Let us all pray my baby's head is less huge. And rectangular. And why yes, that is a table-top stereo purchased for $5 from some office's we're-all-getting-fired rummage sale that Phillip just happened upon one day. Did I tell you that he made me wait to buy my food processor until he could come along? That is how much he loves buying things that plug into the wall.

Proving that it's not just baby girls who get to wear the cute stuff.

Another present from my mom. Actually these were a Christmas present for Phillip. And he was all, "Wait a minute. Do these plug in? Battery operated? Wireless? No?"

Hold on. Where are you going? There are more pictures! MORE PICTURES! If I don't upload these pictures I will go upstairs and eat the rest of my Thin Mints and WE CAN'T HAVE THAT.

Scary Chinese butterflies.

I bought these in a little outdoor baby stuff market in China because the Lieutenant had just told me he and the tiny blond sister-in-law were expecting a baby and I thought it would be neat to get them something from my trip. But then I decided they were kind of scary looking. And probably wouldn't match an all-Pottery-Barn-Kids nursery. And then they had a boy and I thought, "More butterflies for me!" I'm planning to put them in my boy's room, but they are kind of scary looking, huh? Although a hundred times less scary looking than the string of Chinese zodiac animals I could have bought instead.  Why must the eyes bug out so?

Reminding Phillip of his first putrid taste of gluhwein.

I bought these at a German Christmas market while Phillip was eating his fifteenth sausage. I want to restring them with ribbon and hang them over the crib.

Artfully displayed on the changing pad.

I bought these on our China trip too, thinking I would frame them and give them to my sisters. But it was two years later by the time I framed them and I was six months pregnant and of the opinion that they'd look a lot cuter in my baby's room than they would in my sisters' college girl bedrooms. The blue and black one is supposed to be Chinese New Year and the farming one is supposed to be... farming? I don't know. I was too busy hiding from all the embarrassing bargaining going on (I think we paid fifty cents for these?) to remember the sales pitch.

Hawaii Hello Kitty shakes her head and says, "Dude, these taste like crap."

Heartburn raises its eyebrows at these nasty chalky excuses for SweetTarts and laughs. TUMS? So not worth the effort it takes to choke them down.

Dear God,  who ate Seattle?

Here I am at 30 weeks wearing the long slouchy tank top I wore all freaking summer. All of you are thinking, "And people are telling this girl she doesn't look that far along? WhatEVER." Well, all of you except my mother, who is horrified that her daughter apparently doesn't remember how to clean a mirror.

Bite me, Leisa Hart.

And this is what I did when I came home from my doctor appointment, having no one around to walk the lake with me, and facing possible drowning in chocolate-covered weight gain guilt. Gah! 

Comments

[MrsMarcos2003]

Oh! That was a lot of photo-y goodness! So jealous of your RED kitchen-aid...I have the off white mixer. So.Boring. Love the crib and the bedding!!!

[Christina/Mrs Broccoli Guy]

LOVING the photo-blogging!! I wish I had me a red kitchen-aid mixer. sigh...
That crib bedding is super cute and of course you had to get the valance! What do you mean "not functional"? It's function is to match the bedding - and it does it so well!! :-)
Thin Mints are out to get me too... I ate waaaaay too many yesterday after lunch. Why is it not possible to eat just two of those things? (and I think you look adorably pregnant, just right for 30 weeks.)

[Laura]

The valance is a necessity not an indulgence. Oh, we have the butterflies too..Annslee is a monkey and I thought they looked kind of scary. I will have to take a picture of ours and send them to you..they are a little different and not as "bug eyed" Oh, and you look GREAT...

[Jenny Ryan]

Thin Mints are my own personal downfall-I TOTALLY feel your pain! :P

Like the pix :)

[Lindsay]

You made me laugh so hard I cried.

...And I wasn't planning on crying until Gilmore Girls came on tonight.

[Catherine]

Yay for photos!
I have so much jealousy for the pretty pretty appliance goodness. For some unknown reason Kitchen Aid mixers cost nearly $900 here, and my husband insists that that is ridiculous. Which he is probably right about, come to think of it, but....pretty!

I don't think you look that big, honestly. Don't stress too much about it, because stress is bad for you too :-)

C.

[Emily]

I. Love. That. Bedding.

Looooooove it. Luuuuuurrrvvvv it, even.

Also, those little shoes? TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT THEM. Share the love with the other mothers of boys that you (sort of... actually JUST BARELY) know. Pretty please?

[orangepaas]

Cute!!! You, the bedding, even the butterflies :)

[SHannon]

Love the red appliances, nothing like a kitchen-aid!

Totally cute nursery bedding, yes, put the quilt on the wall--you will get tons of blankets that you can use for the floor. Yes, get a boppy--I never actually used mine for nursing...but it is great for tummy time and laying baby in when you need somewhere to put him.

I feel your pain about the heartburn...I once made my dh go to CVS at 3 a.m. when I ran out of Tums. There were times I would cry it was so bad.

I ate two boxes of thin mints in 3 days...pathetic, I have no will power. See, I guess there is some advantage to having horrible heartburn!

You look great!

[susanna]

maggie you are totally hot. you absolutely NEED to stop saying how huge you think you are because you ACTUALLY look freakin AWESOME:)

i just wish someday i could look as good:)

loves:)

[Maureen]

Two things: First, those shoes are the cutest things ever and how I wish I had them, except that Jack's already too big for them. He may have been born too big for them. He has big feet. Second, you look really really good. Not huge at all. Pregnant, but not huge. Adorably pregnant.

[Oana]

Loving your writing! Slovenia = Slovenian ; Slovakia = Slovakian =)

[quieriePlesee]

The liberal equilibrium to close all the anna kournikova nude galleries up inside my disappointment on video. Graham laughed and nodded his head.