Oh you silly readers

Thanks a lot, Internet. I'm pregnant, not stupid. Like I'm going to get a puppy. Now. When I am 32 weeks pregnant. I haven't lost my entire mind.

That said, I'm bummed to hear that Sara's bulldog  is not a perfect angel dog because OH YES I am going to get a dog EVENTUALLY. Like, when I am 75 and very lonely sitting by myself in the nursing home.

I had dogs growing up. Sort of. When we lived in the states my parents had a bunny (which I don't remember) and took care of my aunt's dog when she moved away. This dog was a large black hairy mutt and my fondest memories of him involve finding giant clumps of disgusting dog hair all over the backyard. His name was Gaylord, I kid you not, and one time he ran away and my dad was extremely disappointed when our neighbor found him walking along a road miles and miles away and brought him home.

Then we moved and there were no more pets for a long time (unless you count the endless lizards that crawled into our house in Sicily, whose tails fell off every time one of my brothers picked them up and waved them in my face) until I was 15 and a neighbor left a little mutt puppy on our doorstep. I'm not sure why the neighbor thought this was a good idea, seeing as how my dad steadfastly refused our cries of "Pleeeeease let us have a pet pleeeeeease!", but then again, that might be exactly why. In return, my dad named the puppy Newton, as this was the Newt Gingrich era and our neighbor was a hippy drippy 1960s leftover. (Also, my mom is going to email me and say THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED, but that is how I remember it, which is all that matters.)

So then we had Newt. Newt was super super cute in the beginning, like all puppies. I don't think I paid much attention to him (hello, I was 15, I had much better things to think about, like boys and how to extricate myself from the basketball team) and then he turned into a Dog and you know what dogs are like. Smelly, messy, needy, loud. And Newt began to develop a need for doggy-strength schizophrenic medicine, which we all think is a result of spending too much time with my brother Alex.

My parents had to put Newt down a few years ago and apparently the experience was so awful they will never have a pet again. Unless I convince them to get a puppy because, as we all know, the best dogs belong to someone else. No, I don't really mean that. I really like dogs. The yappy ones and the ones that can knock you over. I'm just too lazy to take care of one. I hear you have to go for walks and things and you all know what I think about physical exercise.

Phillip would prefer a cat, but we are never getting a cat because cats are the devil's minions. We're going to have the baby instead. And a Roomba.

On a completely different note, I will be Lent Retreat-ing all weekend. The topic is "Spirituality: Learning the Language of God" and the speaker is a Passionist priest with a degree in Eastern Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness. I am half very interested and half suspicious (look at that degree! Is that even real?!) but mostly I am tired and not at all excited about staying up late and waking up early and making sure people have nametags and evaluation forms. Beware all ye who dare to advertise your administrative skills to the general public!

Comments

[Katie Ann]

I recently had a strong urge to get a puppy, and I'm not a dog person. Maybe its the good weather? Stick some ears and a tail on your Roomba--no barking AND it cleans up after itself! Perfect :)
Have fun/good luck on your retreat!

[Arwen]

You like the little yappy ones? Really? My parents-in-law have a tiny Yorkshire terrier (runt of her litter; weighs in at 3.5 pounds) who is the yappiest dog ever, and I HATE her. I'd never really liked her, and then we had Camilla, who is disturbed by sudden shrill noises (as who wouldn't be) and now I am just counting the days until that dog is gone. She's eleven years old now, so she should be dying soon, right? Someone told me small dogs live longer; I am desperately hoping that is not true.

I like puppies. I wish there were a way to make them stay puppies forever, instead of turning into big, smelly, demanding dogs.

And you are so right about cats being the devil's minions. It's in the Bible.

(P.S. That's not actually true as far as I know. But wouldn't it be cool if it was?)

[Christina/Mrs Broccoli Guy]

Love the Newt story. Dogs seem to be a total gamble - some are awesome, the rest are really annoying.
Hope you have a good retreat. I'm rather leery of the "contemplative prayer" movement myself but I bet it will be nice to have a quiet weekend away. Hope the administrative thing isn't too stressful.