Why can't humans hibernate?

It's rainy and dark and mid-October here in mighty maggie land, and that means anxiety has dropped into my house uninvited. In fact, we are sitting opposite each other as I type, staring each other down, each of us knowing that I will crack first. It would be funny, because I just recently drafted a post about how well I was doing and how amazing it was that anxiety had left me alone thus far, but it's actually not very funny at all.

Back when I was dealing with real anxiety (this is real, but it has no reason, other than it's That Time Of Year and I kept asking myself when it would happen, stupid stupid me) I was absolutely certain that I would never be able to start a family. How are you supposed to care for a baby when you can barely take care of yourself? I know that sounds a touch dramatic, but I really had no idea how it would work. I was terrified of anxiety during pregnancy, but that paled in comparison to anxiety with a newborn. That would surely be the ninth circle of hell. Such a thing could not be accomplished unless I was miraculously healed, safely drugged or my mother lived upstairs. After a while I watered this down to: Dear God, do not let my baby be born in September, October or November.

My baby is due in May. May seems like a long ways off. The days are much longer in May. Even when I was at my most anxious, I always knew that spring would make everything lighter and easier. And May is why I am not truly freaking out. Well, May and the fact that I'm 99% certain I have no reason to be anxious other than (say it with me now) it's That Time Of Year.

The only difference pregnancy has seemed to make on anxiety is that even anxiety can't compete with first trimester exhaustion. I've been sleeping fabulously, thank you. It's the moment my alarm goes off that it all goes to hell. It's only been a few days and because this has happened plenty of times before, I'm reasonably sure it will disappear in a week or two, but I'm still allowed to complain about the vast and utter suckitude on my website. I'm scared, and forcing your brain to Think Positive all day is a crazy amount of work. It works best when I'm distracted. I was half anxious during liturgy planning (which was not what I expected, and actually kind of fun) and pretty anxious during 7pm Mass (except for when the choir was singing, because there was a guest choir director with a gospel background and those songs were AWESOME) but then not anxious at all when my wonderful kick ass friends came over for dessert and spent the next two hours picking the most godawful names out of the 15 baby name books we have lying around the living room. (I was planning to write a post about how all the boy names Phillip likes sound like the names of creepy men who hang around race tracks or sell drugs out of their trench coats, but there's plenty of time for THAT.)

Anyway, I thought we were all due for an update on my Questionable Mental State. You're welcome.

In other news, Former Roommate, she of the Secret Admirer Flowers, sent me a present that made me laugh (and smell like heaven). Aim north, not south!

Comments

[Maureen]

Yes, there are some weird, weird names out there. We, for example, had no trouble immediately ruling out "Melba." (Great for a boy OR a girl!)

Also, stretch marks are of the devil.

And I recommend hypnobirthing yet again, as I bet you could use the techniques to ease your anxiety. It's all about relaxing. And you get massages from Philip. It's homework! He's supposed to!

[Catherine]

Blech. I get the seasonal effect too, but, lucky for me, here October means springtime, so I'm just on the other end of it.
Hang in there, and do the self nurturing thing and suchlike :-)
(I shall think hard about you when I'm in the nice spring sunshine, and maybe some of it will rub off...)

[Christina/Mrs Broccoli Guy]

Chin up, we have our good friend El Nino back this year! So yes, we shall be soggy and grey, but not as much as usual! And if all else fails, blame the pregnancy for your emotional state... heaven knows those hormones can throw you for a loop.

[Angela]

I'm a definitely seasonally depressed girl. This is about the time of year it really hit last year, and I can feel it coming on again. I think that stress in your life can certainly have an effect--I know it does in mine--so be sure to make plenty of time to relax and clear your mind. I know, easier said than done.

But if that doesn't work, then just look at all of those potions and lotions, because that's sure to give you a giggle. I know it did for me!