While I'm deciding if I should eat the last cupcake

I said I hoped the church meeting would provide some juicy blog fodder and it did not disappoint. Last night I learned that in the Days of Yore, it was a MORTAL SIN to read a Protestant bible! Can you believe that? The nun was looking for a bible in the meeting room and she found the kind that puts everything Jesus says in red. She said "Oh! I just don't like those red letters!" and picked up another one. Which reminded her of the time when she was a girl in Catholic school and she had an assignment to read a bible passage. But the only bible she had at home was her father's Protestant bible. And she didn't know what to do! Because doing her assignment would mean committing a mortal sin!

I laughed so hard, you guys. The nun just sat quietly next to me shaking her head. "Yes," she said, "the theology was shaky. The theology was not so good." And I said, "Oh, but Catholics don't read the bible anyway, so it probably wasn't a big deal." If she'd had a habit and a ruler she probably would have smacked me.

Okay maybe that is not so much "juicy" as "hmm, interesting!" but I thought it was hysterical. And the scones were a hit! See? Everybody likes scones. They ate all the fruit too. It was like they had never seen fruit. Or baked goods. Maybe they aren't so different from my scavenging starving office mates. Also, I'll have you know that I opened my mouth at my church meeting and actual sensical words came out. Fancy that!

And because I still have nothing to write about, I will share with you the Story Of The Locked Database, the moral of which is Do Not Put Shortcuts To Your Work On Other People's Desktops, What Are You, Insane? So yesterday I tried to open one of my databases, which I use every day and had most recently used, oh, an hour before. It would not open. I got weird error messages. And because I am married to Phillip and also because I once worked for the most helplessly computer-illiterate man on the planet, I have learned a Thing or Two about how to get your computer to ackrite. ('Ackrite' along with 'Y'all' are the two things I would consider becoming Southern for.) I saw that I had the phantom "working" database file open somewhere, so I got into the Task Manager (which I think the Vista OS should rename Task Master, as it is much funnier), but lo, there was no phantom application running in the background. "Hmm," I murmured to myself thoughtfully, stroking my nonexistent goatee.

Moments later it occurred to me that a Salesman had access to this database and surely he was to blame. I flounced into his office and demanded he exit! Immediately! Pronto! Which he did, but not without great amounts of whining and kvetching and general "everyone thinks I break things" mopiness, which I have no sympathy for, because it is true, he breaks things. MY THINGS.

So back I went to my desk to open up my database. But then? THEN? My database wanted a PASSWORD.

"SALESMAN!" I shrieked. "WTF!"

"What! Huh! I didn't do nuthin'! Why you always pickin' on me!"

At which point I hollered for the Operations Manager, who is also my boss and who is constantly getting into spitting matches with me to see who knows how to fix what. (He almost always wins, but the handful of times that I know more than he does REALLY grates on his nerves and OH the nerve-grating is SO ENJOYABLE.)

This was no regular old password box. This was the kind of box you have program into the database. The kind where you have to click on a menu, find the correct option, click another option and finally click "YES I WANT TO PASSWORD PROTECT MY DATA FROM IDIOTS WHO BREAK THINGS."

Let us all ask ourselves: How did our beloved Salesman do this? Why must tragedy befall every application I use? How in the world do you un-password protect your own database? After the boss and I argued about it at length, after he hurled many curse words at the server, after he attempted to log on from every computer in the office ("maybe a Mac will work!") we kicked the issue upstairs to our Tech Dude who answers phone calls at a rate of once every year around Christmastime. I am stumped, but on the other hand, guess I don't have to do THAT work now!

I have the munchies. I am off to look for snacks. Don't break anything while I'm gone.

Comments

[Antonia]

I'm not surprised it was a mortal sin to read Protestant versions of the Bible! They are missing 7 books of the original canon! That's a lot of books!!

[Antonia]

ps- sorry clicked post before I'd finished!

I am super happy to hear that your fruit & scones went down well! yey!