Another one for the "I Have No Life" file

Dear readers: This is just a small announcement letting you know that unless you love your television, and I mean really love your television, we cannot be friends. For the fall television premiere season is upon us and my entire social life revolves around the primetime schedule. You may wonder how one person can put in an average of 80 hours of television per week, and all I have to say to that is: Thank God for TiVo.

Last night I put on my pajamas and made myself a little snack and settled in for a comfy night with my boyfriend, TiVo. Phillip has been making some disturbing statements over the last couple of days, statements involving his commitment to television this year, how he doesn't want to get "sucked into" any new shows, how he has "things to do" and can't sit in front of the TV all night. Unfortunately for him, he lives with me. I don't make him watch Project Runway or my new favorite junk show Two-A-Days (how do I love shows about high school? Let me count the ways! Now throw in some high school sports and I am OBSESSED.) But I had the first episode of The Amazing Race on TiVo! And it started off in SEATTLE. Phillip was SO watching that with me.

We laughed through the first twenty minutes because seriously: how in the world would you find I-5 from Gasworks Park if you are not from Seattle? I have no clue. And had one of the Racers accosted me on the sidewalk and asked me for directions, I would have had to get in the car WITH them to show them the way. Finding the freeway in Seattle is rather like taking off one of your shoes and thwacking yourself about the head and shoulders while operating a moving vehicle. And then? When you get there? You sit in traffic. Welcome to the ugliest traffic mess in the United States. But we let out a distraught wail when some do-gooder told some Racers to take 99 to the airport, because how are the Racers going to find 99 from Gasworks! (Although they somehow found it AND got there before everyone else, even though the Coalminer's Wife has some major insecurity issues and seems to be terrified that America is looking at her as some toothless and barefoot West Virginia housewife and I wasn't particularly pleased that she got there before most everyone else.) Anyway, we felt instant empathy for all of the Racers, because we recently got lost in the Sea-Tac parking area ourselves, and  we're rather thankful it wasn't captured on film. I'm fans of all the Racers, except for the couple who said they were deciding whether or not to get married and proceeded to be wretchedly hateful to each other for the rest of the episode. (Why do The Amazing Race producers insist on putting awful "dating" couples on this show? No one likes them. No one roots for them. They just make us sick having to watch them.) (Not like I'll stop watching The Amazing Race. As if!) And of course it was ugly and gray and rainy in Seattle and I'd like to know when they started filming, because it did not rain ALL SUMMER. I kid you not. I guess we just like to be predictable on national television. Also, I'm kind of bummed I did not know the Racers were starting off here. You'd think I'd notice if Phil had reserved a ferry for his personal use, or ten Kenmore seaplanes flying in formation over Lake Union. My boss says he saw a clue box and talked to a Clue Box Guard on the waterfront this summer, so apparently the Racers are returning to Seattle? We shall see.

And then I watched Studio 60 because this show stars Chandler and Josh Lyman- SWOON! And it was pretty good, even considering it's one of those earnest and pretentious and better-than-everyone-else Aaron Sorkin shows that wants to be Important. (Whatever. I love Important!) I'm curious about the character who is supposedly a Christian AND a normal person. Interesting combination, television! Although the whole deal with her and Chandler breaking up because she sang "spiritual songs" on Pat Robertson's show struck me as False, Profoundly Weird and a smidge of Trying A Bit Too Hard, Aaron.

Then I watched How I Met Your Mother, because I am a sucker for twenty-something sitcoms and anything that claims to be the next Friends. Too bad for me, everyone on that show is ten kinds of annoying except Marshall, whom I adore, and will take home with me if Lily never comes back. (And wouldn't that be a boon to the show? If Lily never came back? Then all they'd have to do is get rid of Robin and confine Barney to the bar and it could be a really good show!)

That was about as much as my eyeballs could handle last night (you gotta work up to full viewing potential, the season has just begun), but I've been practicing. I watched the first disc of 24 Season 2 this weekend. Man, I love Jack Bauer. Talk about a Ridiculous Show, but dude! It's JACK BAUER! He's, like, Superman! I keep waiting for someone to shoot Kim already, but it's an even crazier story than the first season and we are, as Phillip would sadly say, Sucked Into It. (And does anyone else want to say "on the day of the California Presidential Primary" every time Jack Bauer says "The following takes place between eight am and nine am" before the episode? Or is it just people like me, who watched the first season in one weekend and cannot hear the time stamp without adding on the presidential primary bit? I think it's just me. Because isn't Jack Bauer on his eighth or ninth attempt to save the world? Moving on.)

We have a date to watch The Office later this week (with other PEOPLE, people who love TV) and I don't know about you, but I'm dying to see what happens with Jim and Pam. I'm kind of hoping Jim calls me instead, but that's probably not very likely. Plus, the Gilmores are coming back soon (although, does anyone care at this point? I'm not sure I do.) but best of all, Veronica Mars shall be gracing my television in the very near future. Are you people watching Veronica Mars? You need to be watching Veronica Mars! Have you MET Logan Echolls?

I love TV. I KNOW what that makes me, but I don't care. Do you love TV too? You can totally come over and put on my extra 'Shut Up, Rory' t-shirt and help me finish off the Ben & Jerry's. Sigh. It's times like these that I really start to miss Amy Abbott.

Comments

[orangepaas]

What, no Grey's Anatomy? Surely the TiVo can tape The Office while you watch Grey's...*sigh* Sometimes the hardest choices in life are surprising.

[Maureen]

Wait - Grey's Anatomy conflicts with _The Office_? But it already conflicts with _Supernatural_, and I really ought to let The Husband have *one* show. I already made him give up _C.S.I._ Dammit. Dammit! See, this is why we don't have TiVO. I have no self-control. I would watch TV ALL DAY LONG if allowed.

Anyway, I was actually commenting to post that I love me some _Gilmore Girls_, but I'm pretty mad with the whole stupid Luke/Lorelai plot last season, and I hate Logan so so much, and I don't know if I will stick it out this season. Seriously, what was UP with Luke? That was the stupidest storyline ever. Who acts like that? I also hate Anna.

[susannna]

maggie- i just wanted to relate to the whole "on the day of the california presidental primary" bit. I so totally think and feel the same thing:) we're onto season 3- and -well- sucked in yet again:)

[Jen-Again]

So happy that someone else is waiting as anxiously for THe Office and Veronica Mars. I watch all of those shows (well, I may drop GG because, gah they are making me hate them), plus Grey's, House, Bones, Survivor, Project Runway, and oh my god I have been sucked from my life into the TV. We have TiVo AND a Comcast DVR- it is almost too much.

I had also said I couldn't afford to get sucked in to any more new shows, but I have a feeling one or two more might pop onto my radar.

[Arwen]

We really can't be friends? I want to be friends, but I don't have a TV. :(

[Christina/Mrs Broccoli Guy]

Oh wow, we watched Amazing Race and had the Exact Same Conversation about the drive to the airport!! LOL.
And I had the same thought about the break-up on Studio 60. I have very little trust they can show a *real* normal Christian person. We exist! I swear!
I love Tivo. It's sick how much I love it. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. :-)

[Antonia]

Waaa!! I like you but dislike tv! I don't even own a tv! (and...please don't shoot me...but I feel my life is much better for it! I actually have time to do stuff, other than watching 3 episodes of 'Americas next top model' in a row!)

Maybe I can be your token non-tv friend who you talk to should the unspeakable happen & your tv transiently not work!

(ps- I dont even know what TiVo is?!!)

(pps- please dont block me from your blog!)

[Antonia]

ppps- is that "The Office" as in...the English show?

I really love that show!! (except for the rude bits!) I am impressed at your English sense of humour! Most Americans I know don't understand the hilariousness of making a show about people at work in a normal borning office!