Is it bigger than a breadbox?

Last night I holed myself up in the little yellow bedroom determined to redesign this thing. Which is kind of dumb, because no one looks at actual blogs anymore as they are all using a holy and sainted invention called Bloglines (you are using Bloglines, right? You aren't? LUDDITE!) and so who cares what your site looks like? But there is a reason I pay for TypePad, the Turbo Version, and that is to mess around with Design. Even though I don't know good design from, say, the fancy new church directories we picked up on Sunday that, I SWEAR, look like junior high yearbooks. I was totally asking people to sign my church directory. And I wanted to write "2 Sweet 2 B 4gotten" under my friends' pictures before they left on their vacation. But they thought I was just kidding. Which I wasn't. Stay cool!

No really. I even made a tester blog where I could preview my new designs without having to republish this behemoth every five seconds (why can't you preview advanced designs? Why?) But what kills me is Photoshop. I am a Photoshop MORON. I can't count how many banner images I've created with Photoshop but EVERY STINKING TIME I screw up with the size and even when I swear it's right, my banner image ends up saying "ighty magg" or some such awfulness. After the ninth or tenth try I finally surrendered and went to sulk in bed where I promptly melted into a gooey sweaty puddle of human ooze.

So tomorrow is my anniversary. I am trying to decide whether to post our one decent wedding photo and a disgustingly sappy Ode To The Husband, or if I should just post a recent picture of Phillip with the caption: Sock Dropper- Repeat Offender. I suppose it depends on if he manages to secure dinner reservations today, and then only if he doesn't laugh at his anniversary gift.

Which I am not sharing with you. For it is horrid. Seriously. If someone gave ME what I am giving HIM for our anniversary, I would probably call my lawyer and start on the divorce papers.

I don't TRY to get him horrid gifts, really, but somehow I succeed, year after year after year. One year for his birthday? I bought him this little plastic thing that you hooked onto your keychain and what this little plastic thing DID was tell you what song was playing on the radio.

I KNOW.

See, I am married to a Geek. And I say that lovingly and with tons of respect! I have a THING for geeks, and all kinds too, not just those who give their hard drives sponge baths and champagne. Phillip, for example, is geeky about computers and music. Music! Music is cool! But the problem with geeks is that they are terrifically difficult to buy for. Why? Because there are only a few things they like to receive as gifts: geeky things. But if you attempt to PURCHASE a geeky thing, you can be 99.9999% certain that you are buying the wrong thing. Which is why a keychain that tells you the name of the song on the radio is GENIUS, people. 1. It's a gadget. 2. It's about MUSIC. and 3. I did not have to read a textbook on SQL server to pick it out. (And also 4. The plastic thing went out of business two months later and now I have to remember the station and the time and use the Internet when I get HOME. Which is LAME because the plastic thing was AWESOME.)

Last Christmas I bought him a printer/scanner/copier combo. Not only was Phillip all, "Um, we already have a printer, but this one is cool too! Thanks!", it no longer PRINTS. This Christmas I attempted to buy the upgrade to our DVR software (oh dear, the geekiness, it rubs off) but I had a panic attack trying to figure out if I needed the upgrade or the whole package, and then did I want them to send me a CD or did I just want to download it, and oh God what would I do with the DOWNLOAD and aaaaauuuggghhh what version do we have?!?! So OBVIOUSLY I couldn't buy that, even though he kept hinting about it, because I would totally buy the WRONG THING. So I bought him walkie talkies instead because 1. Walkie talkies are gadgets. 2. There was a small chance he might think it's KIND OF cool. and 3. This way we could talk to each other when I am in the little yellow bedroom on the third floor and he's in the first floor office. Instead of IMing. Because we are GEEKS.

I feel extra bad about the horrid present giving because I? Am a world class present haggler. Starting about, oh, APRIL, I start asking about what he's giving me for my anniversary. Come May I occasionally intersperse my interrogations with questions about my BIRTHDAY present. I'm rather demanding.

But, sigh, tomorrow I shall hand over the Most Disappointing and UnRomantic Anniversary Gift In The Entire Universe. I may have outdone myself this time.

I will give you a hint: The traditional gift for third anniversaries is LEATHER.

(Dude! I was just tooling around looking for an extra special idea for a post title, and I found this. How to give your wife a gift. Read that item, Men!)

Comments

[Jennifer]

I'm married to a geek too. I find them unbelievably sexy.

Knowledge is power and power, according to Kissinger, is an aphrodisiacs.

Maybe we should start a group for women who love geeks.