Can you still find some space for yourself?*

I feel like I am running on empty lately. It's not completely true, because I bucked up Saturday for the church lady tea party, packing my entire kitchen and hauling it over to the school for the afternoon, then hauling it all back and washing it all by hand, AGAIN. And Sunday I debriefed my brother, recently returned from his undisclosed Middle East location (Maggie: "How come you didn't blog it! You should have blogged it!" Alex: "Blogs are for narcissisists." Maggie: "Your point being?"), and stayed awake long enough to throw a temper tantrum worthy of any two-year-old over the state of our messy disorganized upstairs closets. Said temper tantrum included throwing EVERYTHING in ALL the closets on to the bed, stamping feet in frustration, accusing the husband of not caring and throwing 99% of everything into fourteen Banana Republic bags for express delivery to Goodwill. Who will actually carry the bags down to the car and transport them to Goodwill, I have no idea.

AND after a week of glorious eighty degree weather, it's now back to sixty degrees and gray rain and I WANT OUT.

I like to be busy. For a long time, busy was how I coped with anxiety. I had no time to think about being anxious if I was also doing a half million other things. But I haven't been anxious in a while (unless I just jinxed myself) and I just don't need to be this busy.

So how do you de-busy-fy your life? I have tried several times. I've instituted "date nights" with my husband, to make it absolutely positively certain that we will have at least one meaningful conversation during the week. I've tried to say "no" a few times. I've even tried to block out whole days- keeping a Sabbath was highly recommended when I was in the College Fellowship. It's a COMMANDMENT for goodness sake.

But whatever. All the things that keep me busy are things I definitely totally without-a-doubt want to do. Tonight we are birthday partying. (And I made a truly awesome three-layer three-kinds-of-chocolate cheesecake for which they should give me a diamond-studded tiara.) Tomorrow night I am going to the NICU where I will visit my friend's tiny new baby. Wait, did I say "visit"? I meant "HOLD". Jealous much? Wednesday night I've promised Phillip eggplant parmesan for "date night dinner" and Friday we have to pack because WEAREGOINGONVACATIONYIPPEE! Thursday night is open, but I guarantee you it will be filled by tomorrow. We are not terribly popular social butterflies, we just... I don't know. Stuff happens. And we are usually having it at our house.

In my ongoing job-transitioning process, I hope to be working only four days a week by mid-summer. I want that fifth day to shut myself in the little yellow bedroom to work on my own projects. But I'm totally afraid that that fifth day will become Laundry Day or Grocery Shopping Day or Running Errands Day because I'll want to free up my weekends for even more STUFF. Gah. And now? NOW we are on CHURCH COUNCILS. Which means many many meetings. I haven't told you that, have I? Oh yes, just part of our master plan to dethrone the priest and RULE GREATER WALLINGFORD.

Anyway, I'm open to suggestions! I seriously have no idea how to be less busy, especially when I am having a blast. It's the afterwards that gets me, the exhausted, cranky, throwing-tantrums-over-messy-closets part that makes me think I need a week in a fabulously expensive spa. Does anyone want to send me to one of those? (Hey, it worked for flowers!)

In other pink, gold and exceptionally gaudy news, I have the church lady tea party pix up on Flickr...

*K's Choice is one of my absolute favorite bands ever. Get thee to iTunes, stat!

Comments

[Antonia]

aww! Those pictures are awesome! The tiaras and feather boas really worked! and your cutlery was so pretty!

dont think i can help you with being less busy...soweee...

maybe when you find a solution u can let me know too...

:-)