After the game of love, baby!*

Okay so you know how yesterday I said I had Thursday free? HA. Thursday the husband and I will be the Resident Experts at the pre-marriage class at church. We have been married BARELY three years, we were the youngest in our marriage class, we hate getting up in front of people (okay, maybe one of us enjoys it more than the other) and we have to talk about Spirituality and Marriage. What are we going to say? I have no idea. NO IDEA.

The priest said, "I don't care what you say, as long as you tell them why you go to church every Sunday and why it's important for your marriage." Little does he know that the amount of information Phillip and I have to impart on this subject amounts to "Um" and "Every Sunday?"

So, if you don't mind, I'm just going to practice on you.

First of all, let's get out of the way the things we won't share with the almost-marrieds. Namely, that until the last year or so, it was terrifically hard to go to church every Sunday. And don't tell my mom, but some Sundays we didn't go! Eek! We were faithful participants in the College Fellowship all through school, but once we were graduates with our own apartments and actual jobs, it was really hard to get up on Sundays. It got even harder once we were married, because let's face it- when you're dating, it's soooo romantic to have your boyfriend pick you up for church on Sunday mornings. But when you're married, you don't have to actually go anywhere to see each other, so why bother? I KNOW! WE ARE HEATHENS! We can't tell the priest we thought of church as a DATE!

The reason why it's not so hard to go anymore is because (gasp) we have FRIENDS at church. People know us. We know them. We look forward to seeing them. Also, the priest totally knows who we are and keeps attendance in a little black book in the sacristy.

I am absolutely positively certain those are not the answers they're looking for.

In the interest of appeasing the powers that be, I've found it easier to think about this from the perspective of: What it would be like if we didn't go to church? And I have all kinds of answers for that.

When we didn't go to church we felt guilty (we are Catholic after all) and lazy and self-indulgent. We usually only bought ourselves an hour or two of extra sleep, and our Sunday was shot. How are you supposed to know when to go to Costco when you don't have Mass in the morning? Church gets us started. It's a good start. And while that in itself is a completely un-spiritual answer, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I NEED that good start. When we don't go to church, I feel a little less grounded. I haven't 'started over'. I haven't renewed anything. I haven't reconnected with anything important.

I also thought about the people we see at church. Some of them are our age, the other married couples we've befriended over the last year. Some of them are the older people who recognize us as one of the young couples who's there every Sunday. We hardly know all the parishioners, but we recognize their faces. We sit near the same people, we all take communion together, and slowly we're learning names and stories. These are the people who know me as a person of faith, and I need that too. A handful of people at work know I go to church, but they don't know why. Most of my friends are Christians going to their own churches, but it's not the focal point of our friendship. My family is mostly Catholic, but when we get together we're not talking about our faith. I need my faith community. I need a place where that part of my identity is forefront.

I don't think I'm aware of that need on a daily or weekly basis. Most Sundays I go to church for the reason most Catholics go: we're supposed to. We know it's good for us. We're not special or saintly- we just know that somewhere inside us, we need to worship with other believers. Also, we have no interest in breaking our mothers' hearts.

And all of those things are the reasons why it's good for our marriage. We said our vows in front of a whole lot of people and sometimes I wonder, if we hadn't made those vows so public, one of us might have had it up to HERE with the dirty socks on the floor and rented an apartment in Venice for the rest of the year because holy crap ENOUGH WITH THE DIRTY SOCKS! We are very much aware that it would be well near impossible to do this by ourselves. The more support, the more prayer, the more connected to God, the better off we are. We need a place where that part of our marriage is forefront. While I occasionally roll my eyes at the sappy togetherness of the older couples who receive communion together and venerate the cross at the same time, I'm secretly wishing for that kind of confidence, their mutual adoration for each other and their God. I'm not at that point. I'm still figuring out how much of me gets sucked into marriage, how much of me I want to give to "us" and how much I want to keep for myself. I see these other married couples and feel optimistic that I'll figure it out eventually. And I'll figure it out through the faithful part of me- not at work or with my friends, but probably at church.

I'm not sure what Phillip will say. We'll probably hash it out on the ride over Thursday night. We'll stand uncertainly in front of people who most likely have gobs more life experience than we do and hope that we're not coming off like total self-righteous jerks. We might tell them how hard it's been to find our place in church, to find friends and our own way to participate. If we do, we'll tell them how struggling with that was incredibly worth it, and how amazed we are at where God has placed us. We'll tell them that we still can't quite believe we're actually a part of things, and that the rest of the congregation hopes they'll stick around and find their own place. Blah blah blah.

And they will all look at us and be like, "Gah, there's still a half hour left before we can go home." Because THAT, Internet, is how fabulously interesting Phillip and I are in person. WHY ARE THEY HAVING US DO THIS? ACK.

*Today's title comes to us from Dance Dance Revolution for Xbox, which was played AD NAUSEAM last night at the birthday party, as a result of which, the D-list techno music is NEVER GOING TO LEAVE MY BRAIN.

Comments

Hey,
As you know, I'm not married yet so I'm not really fit to answer such a question, but I guess I'd be the person sitting in the marriage prep class listening to you!

I agree, maybe dont mention that there were times when you didn't go to Mass (as some may use it as a justification for not going themselves).

Maybe mention how the point of a marriage is not just about spending your life with someone for the sake of it, it's about spending yourself with someone *in order* to help them, and any children that come your way, to get to Heaven. It is impossible to be the best and holiest person you can be if you don't go to the source of Holiness Itself; and that is Christ, and His True Presence in the Eucharist made real only in the Holy Mass.

Also, all the graces that come from the God that help us to grow in virtue (patience, charity, love, self-sacrifice...all essential for a good marriage) are given in over-flowing abundance through the sacraments, and especially so in the Holy Mass.

So if people want a happy and fruitful marriage, that gives the greatest glory to God, and the greatest joy to themselves and has the greatest chance of eternal salvation....then going to Holy Mass and recieving Christ is the only conceivable way! For no other possible way exists!

and don't worry; the Priest didn't choose you...the Holy Spirit did!
I will especially remember you two in Mass tomorrow!

God Bless
-x-