The meaning of television in the Mighty Maggie space time continuum

The big news today is that Renee and Kenny are broken up and the reason Renee cited on her application for annulment was "Fraud." And because I grew up on military bases where there was one American TV station and the commercials were all public service-type announcements, I can't help but add "Waste! and Abuse!" onto the end of "Fraud!" (And annulled? Whatever.)

Here is a nice little historical piece on AFRTS and here is a FAQ lifted from the Yokota (Japan) Air Base website where my dad lived when he was a little kid:

Why don’t you broadcast stateside commercials?

DOD Regulation 5120.20R prohibits commercial advertising on AFRTS stations. We can’t even promote membership drives for organizations requiring dues or a monetary fee for joining. Broadcasting commercials on AFN would put us in competition with local television and radio stations. Most host nation governments would not authorize transmission frequencies to AFRTS stations if commercial announcements were broadcast.

This is why I am much more familiar with "Practice good OPSEC!" than I am with "Where's the beef?!" I wasn't allowed to watch a lot of shows when I was a kid, but I swear the AFN commercials warning the young NCOs about alcoholism and spousal abuse did more to psychologically harm me than any episode of Married...With Children.

Of course, once we moved to Italy (the second time) we discovered European MTV. I remember watching the Bon Jovi "Always" video over and over that first year, but on the whole, European MTV completely trounces American MTV in the race for Wackiest VJs. Or maybe, when you can't speak the VJ's language, you can spend a lot more time marveling over the weird sets and bizarre clothes. Then again, having wasted a half hour the other day on TRL (because I thought Lauren from Laguna Beach was guest hosting, JEEZ), maybe it all comes out even. Maybe I'm just getting old.

My parents tell me that everyone now has a TV "decoder" and they have, like, four or five channels. Amazing! Of course they're all versions of ESPN.

A few days ago one of my friends asked if me if the reason I love TV so much is because I didn't watch much when I was a kid. I had to think about that one, but I decided that:

1. Where did she get this idea that I "didn't watch much"? I have seen every single episode of Reading Rainbow, for example. Educational or not, this is a LOT of TV. Plus we had no end of sympathetic relatives in the States sending us video tapes of TV shows. I really loved that show based on Dave Barry's life with the guy from Night Court. I was just telling Phillip about this show and about how the family tried to buy an air conditioner and it was hilarious and Phillip was really not interested. And God bless Wacky Aunt for taping the MTV My So-Called Life marathon, thereby providing me with a cultural landmark for my dressed-in-plaid-flannel generation.

2. So, in short, no. That's not the reason. Here are my reasons:

3.

• What is in the freakin hatch?!
• Who does Veronica see when she opens the door?!
• How can you not get sucked into... A RACE AROUND The WORLD?!
• Luke said YES!
• And have you not heard of this?

So anyway. It's September, it's Premiere season and my TiVo is full again. All is well in the world.

Comments

[Hanni]

AFRTS looks like FARTS and i can't help giggling.

[maggie]

hanni, fyi: it IS pronounced a-farts...

[lee]

i've been watching european tv and it is... interesting.

we did watch a subtitled episode of greased up kevin sorbo reenacting the legendary myths of hercules though, which is appropriate to our trip.

i also saw a german man in a purple suit singing classic german tunes to a room full of sixty year old germans. there were also some nuns, a fake beer hall set, and a two-person cow costume. i was only able to understand a little bit of it though.

oh that and eurobasket 2005! greece took home the gold last night and the mood here in athens was ecstatic.