I can't believe I referenced Star Trek in this

***UPDATE!*** there are FIVE NEW WEDDING PICTURES! The dress! The helmet hair! Yeah, okay, maybe it's not THAT exciting...

I went to a new doctor a few weeks ago.  My old one sent me a letter last winter explaining that she'd been called to the greener pastures of Dermatology and would no longer be seeing her regular old family practice patients. Unless we all developed massive breakouts, maybe. So I had to find a new doctor and overall I think I picked a good one. But we had to do the whole getting-to-know-you-thing which, when conducted between doctor and patient, is mostly the doctor flinging a barrage of health-related guilt-inducing questions at a someone who is afraid she's going to give the wrong answers. Yes, I exercise, but no, not nearly enough, no I don't take vitamins, yes I eat green vegetables, but no I don't necessarily enjoy them. (What is worse is that the doctor is wearing her normal clothes and you are wearing only a sumo wrestler-sized poncho. There is absolutely no dignity in this question-answer period.)

Anyway, my doctor asked me if I used sunscreen. This caught me a bit off guard, as I was fully prepared to tackled the weight/exercise/nutrition questions, but nothing about getting a tan. "No," I said guiltily. "Sometimes on my face, but that's it."

"Well," said my doctor giving me the you-are-probably-going-to-keel-over-tomorrow face, "just something to think about!"

I am thinking about this because I did not use sunscreen yesterday and now my face feels like the dry leathery skin you see on the decolletage of old European women who have spent 99% of their lives on the French Riviera.

There are many many pictures of me and my brothers and sisters with lovely bronzy brown skin. We are very young and standing in front of places like The Painted Desert and The Grand Canyon and Marina di Ragusa. I used to brag about how I'd never had a sunburn. Until a few years ago. When I got a sunburn. And... ouch. The redness, the peeling, it is so not attractive.

Yesterday my office had a "strategy meeting" at a Mariners-Royals game. I didn't bring sunscreen with me yesterday because Channel 13 said the weather was going to be cloudy and cool with a strong chance of showers. I didn't bring sunscreen because I thought the roof was going to be CLOSED. You know. On account of the RAIN. I wore jeans and 5 sweaters and socks and sturdy shoes because last week I had to volunteer at a golf tournament and I nearly caught my death of cold on Hole #3. But yesterday's weather? Was gorgeous and sunny and we were sitting in center field with full on sun exposure. I had to take off my shoes and socks and roll up my jeans. And my face is now a lovely shade of burnt pink. And it hurts.

(My co-workers all felt bad for me and one of them bought me some cheapo sunglasses to get through the afternoon. But I couldn't wear them because 1. who wants raccoon eyes? and 2. they were the ugliest pair of sunglasses in the stadium. Think a double-layered Geordi LaForge. They even had a little Mariners sticker right in the middle of my eyebrows.)

Anyway, I am trying to fulfill my professional obligations as best I can with a face that no longer stretches. I have six new freckles. I am running to the bathroom every 10 minutes to check for wrinkles. I am blaming my 9 yawns per minute on heat exhaustion. I am wondering when (if?) I'm going to turn all brown and lovely.

Perhaps I should go see my old doctor.