Winter wonderland

Speaking of my New Year Resolution, I would like the Internet to know that I live in the Fittest City. I think this means that the Americans who live here are a little less fat than all the other Americans. Note our dear mayor, resolving to go for more walks with his wife and work out near City Hall. Adorable. Don't you feel good about yourself, fellow Seattleites? And the guy who walks around Green Lake every day recommends getting a dog. [Did you read that Phillip? A dog. Preferably a dog closely resembling a fuzzy bedroom slipper. Does anybody want to buy me one of these?]

But who cares about that- it's going to snow. The weather forecasters have been predicting snow for the end of the week- not nearly as much as those of you who live in fat cities are seeing, but enough to incite Extreme Urban Panic. Well, at least we're fit. Discussing the chances of snow around here is like discussing Impending Doom. A dusting of snow arrives and suddenly everyone has simply forgotten how to drive. We'll just have to park our cars, get out and walk home. In case of a Freak Snowstorm tomorrow morning, the boss has assured us that he will dutifully make the rounds in his truck and take us all to work. Apparently we will be sitting in the bed, because, what? Whatever. So not riding bitch in the boss's truck at 8 in the morning.

Anyone who has followed this site will know that I drive a Big Ass Ford Explorer, however I am a wussy girl driver and terrified to drive any weather condition that requires me to use headlights and/or wipers. I don't like driving in the rain, people, and I live in Seattle. "You have four-wheel drive," the rational people say. "You'll be fine." But no. Snow means ice and you can't see ice, and from there it's pretty easy to whip up some lovely visions of sliding along the Ballard Bridge till a weak guard rail breaks your fall into the water. NICE.

A freak snowstorm hit us last year when I was working downtown. I took the bus to work then and it's hard to shove off work if the buses are still running. But I got to go home at noon when my boss' wife called and ordered him to let me leave early. The buses, apparently, were getting stuck. Which I thought was funny. Ha! Stuck buses!

I was very proud of our bus driver who made it as far as the Ave in the University District before the chains fell off the tires and we couldn't go any farther. We all sat there chewing our cud and staring out the windows. The bus? It was broken. Our fearless driver? Totally useless now. I think we kinda expected Metro to promptly deliver another bus, thank you very much.

BUS DRIVER: Looks like that's all, folks!

RIDERS: ...

BUS DRIVER: Looks like the chains are broken. Won't be moving for a while! Isn't it beautiful out there?

RIDERS: ...

BUS DRIVER: Well, I guess feel free to sit here as long as you like, but we're not going anywhere! You might want to start walking ahead, though, and catch another bus! Hey, there's Fred plowing along- maybe you can--- oh--- wait--- looks like Fred's stuck too. Ha!

RIDERS: ...

Most of us got off the bus and started walking north, waiting for the next bus to drive by. I befriended a woman who lived near me and we walked most of the way. Haven't seen her since. Isn't it lovely how Nature brings people together?

My favorite part of last year's three whole days of snow was turning on the news and watching the news van slide along First Hill. With the camera guy inside practically peeing his pants he was so excited. Snow! Sliding! Look! Whee! And we did look- we watched the news van slide into a parked car on the side of the road. Crunch!

Oh calm down, Seattle. Go wait out the storm at the gym.