Been an angel all year

All the pink? Not so much. I wish I was a Photoshop Princess with a staff of cheery technogeek eunuchs scurrying about the Mighty Maggie palace building me a pretty pink masthead with excellent resolution. (The movie I watched over Thanksgiving was The Last Emperor and boy it'd be nice to have a fleet of eunuchs to draw my baths and comb my hair and do my general bidding, wouldn't it?) Oh, now I'm going to get people typing "eunuchs to do my bidding" into Google and finding my site and ew, those people can just flitter off, thanks. It was a joke.

So, kiddies, tonight's the night! After several weeks of positively glowing in my blond Marilyn wig and vamping it up in a bright red boa, I'm beginning to find myself horrifed at the fact that I will now be wearing the wig and boa in front of PEOPLE. People who will SEE me, in PERSON, and who, I KNOW it, will go home shaking their heads about that girl who humiliated herself in front of ALL OF SEATTLE. "That voice! Was a pig being slaughtered? And someone with her complexion? Should not go blond." What's worse is that I actually invited some of these people. I sent them emails that said, "Hey look at me! Look at me!" I told them where I'll be standing and they know what I look like, even in my Marilyn disguise. I cannot hide. I even have solos. What the hell was I thinking?

Also, it is freaking cold in my office and a certain person's toes are slowing turning to small pink popsicles, even though they are inside two layers of gray wool knee socks and stuffed inside sturdy weather-element-repellent black leather, also known as Maggie's Terrifically Awesome Boots. Do you know what this means? If my feet are chunks of ice INSIDE the office, what's going to happen when I'm standing OUTSIDE for two or three hours in the COLD and the RAIN. This IS December, people. My fingers will be okay inside the black mittens I found in the back of my closet this morning, but I haven't memorized 'Santa Baby' and how am I going to hold my script and do costume changes wearing mittens!?!?

"An Overactive Imagination" is featured prominently on my list of Characteristics of Highly Anxious Personalities...

But you know, I kinda feel like Mark in Empire Records. We mustn't dwell... no, not today. Not on Figgy Pudding Day!

Oh waitasecond people... "Santa Baby" just started playing on the radio! The song I sing while wearing the Marilyn wig and the feather boa! Do you know what this MEANS? This is totally a sign. A sign that I ROCK. But audience? No throwing your underwear. I mean it. And don't bother hanging around the tour bus when the show's over, because we'll be at the cast party all night.

Request an autograph here.