I didn't refill my brain meds until the last minute. As you do. Turns out I have no refills left. The pharmacist called the doctor, the doctor called me and said, "I'll refill your prescription if you make an appointment." This is the doctor with no skill in speaking to neurotic ladies on brain meds via email and HECK NO am I going to make an appointment with him again. So I called my new hippie doctor to see if she could prescribe it for me and the receptionist said I should just have the pharmacy call them to get the prescription. So I call the pharmacy. Except I can't get through. So I GO to the pharmacy and they think this is the weirdest thing they've ever heard and they'll TRY and then they'll let me KNOW but they don't sound real sure about it and THIS IS WHY I have one dose left and no certainty if I can get more.
- I know.
- It's not the doctor, it's me.
- It's not their phone, it's mine.
- I *think* my hippie doctor can prescribe brain meds?
- If nothing else I will make an "appointment" with the first doctor and then figure out how to get my prescription from somewhere else.
- My best friend is a pharmacist within the first doctor's hospital group. I CAN MESS WITH YOU, SYSTEM.
- Oh God, why is this such a pain.
- Both of my kids are sitting in corners right now. Not germane to the conversation, but I thought you'd like to know.
The hippie doctor, on the other hand, is great. I'm still not sure if the multiple things I'm trying with her are WORKING working, but I'm doing well. She has me on Vitamin B, a lower dose of the brain meds, weekly acupuncture, and within the next few weeks she wants to see me to discuss "The Darkness". Also known as FALL. At some point I may go farther down on the braid med dosage and do some herbal supplement stuff. I don't really know. What I do know is that I feel like she understands what I need, that she respects my experience, that figuring this out is a collaborative effort. Also, that third acupuncture appointment actually did something. I can't say WHAT or WHY or HOW, but I felt different. Brighter? Happier? I honestly don't know. I just felt noticeably different after I left. "Gooder" is not a word, but I feel like it's the right one for this situation.
I also finally ordered the right kind of iron she wanted me to get (I don't regularly go to hippie stores where they sell this stuff) and then I finally started taking them. I've finally decided I need them. I fell asleep for an hour and a half today and woke up to fighting. This is... probably not the best parenting out there. And there's no reason for me to be napping. My life is not that strenuous. And it wasn't a little pampering taking-care-of-myself nap it was a "I'm going to lay down and shut my eyes lest I not be able to function at dinnertime" nap. Not good.
And here I am, at dinnertime, with children in corners. Functioning, ahoy!
We went to kindergarten orientation today and I have fallen in love all over again with our busted up beat down little neighborhood school and the wonderful people within. I wish I had known everything would be This Okay back when I was being neurotic about what I was going to do about school. I still think Catholic school would be nice, I still wish my kids were getting art and music and in a building that wasn't visibly crumbling. But the important parts of school are so great at our school and we got the teachers I requested and the principal asked me again if I want to be a sub and everyone remembered Jack (he's Jackson at school - I should work on this) and Molly fit right in... It's relief and confidence and happiness.
I have more to say about all of this, but did I mention the delinquents sitting in corners? I've had it with them. And I have fix them dinner. They should fix their OWN dinner.