What we learned this year

The last week of school is going annoyingly. By which I mean it's not Friday yet. It's the regular feeling of "isn't it Friday yet" coupled with "let's get this school stuff over with already" and BLARGH. Today was my last true day of The Schedule and while I did get a bit sniffly at the coffee shop, the rest of the day I traded sentiment for impatient irritation. 

Tomorrow is my last day with just Molly and Emma at home and THAT might be hard. Where it was questionable if Jack would survive the months before kindergarten, Molly is happy at home. She entertains herself, she's happy to fold clothes with me or help empty the dishwasher, she works on projects without needing attention. Not that I have any interest whatsoever in homeschooling, but I can PICTURE doing it with Molly. If I were doing it with Jack one of us would be dead. ANYWAY. All that to say I'd like to do something fun with Molly tomorrow. I don't know what, though. My girl is always game for shopping...

Friday is a silly little day of early releases and I'm going to cap off my year of not hanging out with the preschool moms by blowing off the end of the year picnic in the park. It's at a bad time! Whatever. I actually did make friends, you know. This morning one of the moms said she was going to email me over the summer to do this thing at the library with our babies and while it sounded totally boring, I was all, "HEY. THE PRESCHOOL MOMS LIKE ME!" 

Maybe this whole time they've been seeing me drive up in my minivan, watching my kid hop out on her own, and feeling jealous as I drive away. Maybe this whole time they've been wishing THEY could blow everyone off. 

I really hope I remember to take a picture of Molly and Jack in front of the house on the last day of school, to juxtapose with the first day of school picture. Things are SO DIFFERENT. Molly is just - I don't know the right words. She has grown up SO MUCH. I was so worried about my little preschool drop out and then this year she was all, "I don't need no brother to do all my socializing for me" and had a blast. Jack grew up too, but in a different way. Like he's been exposed to life outside his family and he's trying out all these voices and mannerisms and I have to keep saying, "I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU ACT LIKE [INSERT NAME OF FRIEND]." Also he reads and does math and makes books and his handwriting is terrible and he has blisters on his palms from the monkey bars and every single pair of jeans is holey. His hair is always a mess. He's going to be a first grader. I have a first grader. 

And Emma? Emma learned to walk. I spent the first half of the year reminding myself to put the Ergo in the car so I could carry her into the school for pick up. She was always bound up next to me, no one saw her face. And then the second half of the year, when I was still carrying her, but on my hip and putting her down once we got inside. And then holding her hand while she walked. And then trying to get her to hold my hand before she gets run over by the hordes of elementary school students running to the bus. Babies change so fast, I know, but the school year really quantifies things, doesn't it. 

It's going to be crazy with Molly in school. I mean the time flying by thing. It wasn't so long ago that I was writing about my two babies. SO CRAZY. Although it's still not entirely certain she'll GO to school - next week we meet with a school psychologist, the second of the two kindergarten early entrance assessments. Her teachers, Jack's teacher, and my personal collection of teachers all say she's ready and I think she is too and I'm not really worried about it, but it'll be nice to make it official. 

And NO, Teachers From Molly's Preschool, I am NOT putting my baby in the Twos program. No no no. 

But first: summer. Lots of summer. Swim lessons, VBS, YMCA camp, Grandma and Grandpa's house, Vancouver, the beach, the spray park, cousins, birthdays, a deck with a SLIDE. It's going to be awesome.

 

Winning

Best day, you guys. BEST.

First thing: Jack comes home from school and is telling my mom (who babysat while I went to the work lunch thingy) about his friend who had to go to the nurse's office. Apparently she ate something she was allergic to and she got sick. Quoth Jack, "She farts. She farts a lot if she eats something and she's allergic." Me, only after he'd said "farts" about forty seven times: "Jack, do you mean 'barfs'?" Jack, nodding: "Yes. Barfs." 

Second thing: my deck is getting fixed. Finally! Turns out it doesn't look half bad under that plywood. (Check my instagram feed if you just went, "plywood? huh? what kind of deck IS this?") There are definitely rotting places, including a beam that is holding up a WALL, but apparently there are ways to fix this and the contractor tells me it looks good, and tomorrow morning we're meeting before Phillip goes to work to Discuss The Options. This is how it will go:

Contractor: Blah blah blah blah blah

Phillip: Blah blah blah how much blah blah what about blah blah 

Me: WHENCANWEBUILDTHESTAIRS????????????

Third thing: remember I was all, "aiiiieeee my old boss just invited me to a THING!" So I went to the thing today and it was SO GREAT. I mean, it wasn't heaps of fun or super fantabulously interesting and I didn't even see half the people I would have liked to see, but it was so good to see the people I DID see and bringing Molly along was a touch of brilliance. I always had someone to talk to, I always had something to do, and eeeeeveryone wanted to say hello to Molly. I know this will sound weird and creep you out Internet, but the guy who sat across from us, who was just smitten with Molly, PICKED HER UP as we were leaving. If he hadn't said how much Molly reminded him of his grandkids about a million times over lunch I would have been, you know, uncomfortable, but instead it was just super sweet. Which is basically how I feel about everyone in this particular local industry. THEY ARE JUST SO NICE. I thought this when I worked for them too. There are the unpleasant ones, but at these industry get togethers everyone is so friendly and kind. 

I used to go to this thing every year when I worked for my old boss. It's not fancy or a big deal, but it honors an industry person of the year and raises money for an industry-related charity and everyone supports it big time. So there are lots of people there and all the companies donate items for a huge raffle. The grand prize is always a TV and ONCE I WON THE TV. I did not have this blog then or I would have told you about it. My boss bought me raffle tickets AND THEN I WON THE TV. Phillip was super duper impressed. 

I did not win the TV this year. DISAPPOINTING. But I bought a crap ton of raffle tickets just so Molly would win something and feel like it was worth her time and effort escorting her silly mother to this boring social event. WE DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING. 25 raffle tickets people and not even a HAT. Some dude who worked for the charity, though, he won FOUR TIMES. Super bad ticket pickers, right? ANYWAY. They finally pull the ticket for the TV and it's not us and it's this young kid who I assume is part of this other group and he's flustered and I'm all WHATEVER and getting ready to go - 

then my old boss comes up to me and says, "THAT'S MY ASSISTANT. MY ASSISTANT WON THE TV. AGAIN." So. He's the one to take to Vegas. But! I'm leaving and saying goodbye and the assistant, who I will call College Kid, is standing nearby having absolutely no idea how he's going to get his new television home. He lives in the U District like a proper college kid and that's on my way so I offer to take him home. And you GUYS. This kid. He was a TRIP. He was the chattiest, cutest, flabbergastiest, chipper little guy in the WORLD. And I am not exaggerating when I say he was just like the Fred Armisen character on SNL who can't form a sentence. I shall quote from wikipedia: 

• Nicholas Fehn – a political commentator whose mind races and wanders so much that he is incapable of finishing a sentence without starting a new one.

You know that guy? OMG THIS KID. I couldn't tell if he's ALWAYS like that or if he was just SO! EXCITED! about winning a television that he couldn't emit a coherent thought. IT WAS ADORABLE. 

Last thing: It was sunny. You seriously cannot underestimate the power of sunshine around these parts. I swear, there's forward movement on a house project, I caught up with a former life, my daughter was absolutely perfect, my mom was here helping all day, sunshine, GOOD WORK EVERYONE. Let's make it happen again tomorrow. 

P.S. THANK YOU FOR THE DINNER HELP. I will write a Dinner Update, I just had to get that farts story out of my system first. 

The Memorial Day Club

Okay, writing this post is going to give me something to do while my daughter screams bloody murder from her crib where I have ostensibly put her down to sleep HOW DARE I DO SUCH A THING.

This morning in the bathtub I got Molly to put her face in the water. Just barely, but after weeeeeeks of shrieking if water was anywhere near her eyes or nose, this was a huge HUGE step. First, I bribed her with one of those Usborne dress up doll sticker books. There are about ninety different versions at Barnes & Noble and Molly Cheung is on a quest to own every single one of them. So with that hanging over her head, and through a mix of teeny tiny steps and putting my OWN face in the bath water (UGH) I got her to submerge her nose and a chunk of cheek for about three seconds. Without screeching. WIN! 

Off we went to B&N then, leaving Phillip and Emma at home. Molly picked out her next sticker book (this time the dress up girls are going to Parties!) immediately while Jack hemmed and hawed. He ALSO got a sticker book if Molly stuck her face in the water. Bribery for everyone! So Usborne makes "boy" sticker books too. In the "girl" category we have Weddings and Bridesmaids and Pop Stars and Fairies and Ballerinas and on and on. In the "boy" section we have PIRATES! and EXPLORERS! and WARRIORS! and my personal favorite: Second World War. 

So yes, it is indeed a book full of pages of cartoon dudes in their underclothes in various WWII scenes and pages of sticker clothes to dress them in. I am not entirely sure what I think about it. On one hand, I think it's super cool. Each scene is sort of a different part of the war (the Blitz, Russia, prisoners of war) and there's a little blurb about what you're looking at and explanations of what the clothes and accessories are. It IS educational. It's just WEIRDLY educational, yes? Especially when your daughter is oohing over the fairy wing and crown stickers. (There ARE "girl" educational sticker books - Fashion Around The World, Historical Fashion, oh and also SPORTS girls.) But yeah... I am not at all opposed to boy things and girl things, I am totally fine with Molly wanting the Ballerina book instead of the Explorers book, whatever. It's more the... WAR AS A STICKER BOOK that I'm not quite sure I appreciate. 

ANYWAY. 

I tried very very very VERRRRRY hard to get Jack to pick the WWII sticker book because, let's face it, I want to look at it. Despite my mixed feelings. IT IS NEATO. And he had picked that one over the Explorers one (which IS educational AND cool AND without mixed feelings) and this was a pleasant surprise for me - until I saw the SUPERMAN sticker book and knew he would much prefer that. And any time I see something my kids would like I have to show them, even if I don't want to get it for them. IT'S A COMPULSION. 

But this is how my kids figured out it was Memorial Day. "But it's Memorial Day, Jack!" I pleaded. "We should get the WAR sticker book!" (THAT JUST SOUNDS CRAZY.) 

He said, "We can get that one NEXT time, Mommy." 

Fine, whatever. We bought our sticker books plus an HGTV magazine and went home to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day because it was POURING and I also decided to wash every single sheet in the house. (And I did.) 

IN THE MEANTIME! My kids were very very busy in the playroom downstairs. I found this a lovely change of pace as I folded clothes in front of Love It or List It and placated my shrieky baby while reading Entertainment Weekly. But after dinner Phillip and I were invited to Memorial Day Club. 

Memorial Day CLUB. And it turns out that Memorial Day Club is basically being invited to the playroom so Jack can pretend he is the teacher (or, as he subtly put it, "the boss") and play school. We did a bunch of worksheets - and we actually HAVE worksheets because my sister is a 4th grade teacher and gives us all the leftover sheets she would have recycled. This is our drawing paper at home. But I was supposed to do the worksheet side and I was supposed to write a rule for figuring out fractions that are equal (omg I'm not even DESCRIBING it correctly) (obvs I couldn't come up with the rule). And then we played Sight Word Bingo. And then we played some horrible game where everyone kept winning except me. And then we got sort of bored which royally peeved the boss who reminded us he was, indeed, The Boss, which only got him fits of giggles from his mother. More peevishness ensued. 

Anyway, this is how the Cheung family honored those who are no longer with us. That and changing all the sheets. 

We had a really nice time with family this weekend, I got some time with friends, and tonight I got to hang out at the playroom table with my kids, remembering that I used to hang out around that same playroom table when I was their size, with my four brothers and sisters. Which made me try to picture what it'd be like with TWO MORE CHILDREN in that room and... well, I couldn't really do it. And then I could? But then I couldn't? And that is all for another post? That we shall have to password protect from Phillip? HA HA HA HA HA

Six years, three kids, a bajillion neuroses

Even though I could positively karate kick every single person who feels compelled to tell me that my baby doesn't look like much of a baby anymore, they're right. At some point in the last few weeks Emma Cheung morphed into the next version of herself. She's not two yet, but for all the whining and demanding and temper having and sheer personality getting thrown around, she might as well be. And it's as I suspected - there's a loud, assertive, charming little extrovert inside that kid and I admit it, I'm a little intimidated. 

I thought my other kids were full of personality at this age too, but I think they were personalities I understood a bit better. Maybe a little more like my own, or easily handled. I see a lot of myself in Jack, and Molly is a sweet, soft, delicious little spoonful of girly whipped cream. Or maybe it's because I'm familiar with them, I know what to expect, and Emma's self is suddenly exploding all over the house. Even Jack and Molly seemed stunned by the force at times, unthinkingly handing over a toy or snack, immediately giving in, yielding to the emotional noise that is their baby sister. 

Just this last week she's begun to choose walking - a drunken stumble, really - over scooting, and she's high on the experience. "LOOK AT ME!" her face says, as if she started walking at 9 months instead of 20. She talks. Constantly. Repeats everything we say. Yells it. And if she can't form the words she emits this awful mind-numbing "Eh-ehhhh!" until we figure out what she wants. She is sweet and darling and cuddly and loving until the instant she is not, and then she is furious, offended, indignant, and spilling white hot tears of HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!

And while she is still very clingy and attached to me, she has absolutely no fear diving (literally) into her siblings' games and toys and carefully structured pillow forts. Aren't all of these things here for her own amusement? Including the older siblings? Is not this entire house and everything within it simply existing for her own personal enjoyment? 

I feel sorry for my kids sometimes, having as they do a mother obsessed with Myers-Briggs and enneagrams and birth order and various other personality theories and assessments. I don't WANT to assign them traits and characteristics before they can pronounce "enneagram" but dudes, if Emma Cheung doesn't have YOUNGEST CHILD oozing out of every pore. I see it in action every day. She studies Jack and Molly, she takes note of what gets a laugh, and she'll do those things over and over again. She REMEMBERS those things, weeks and weeks after they happen. I'm afraid she'll be playing "steal Mommy's napkin" for laughs until she's thirty-five. Even at not quite two she's the ham in this family, though admittedly she doesn't have much competition. I fear for this child, growing up the lone noisy extrovert in a family of rule followers. But see - I'm doing it again. Who knows what she'll be like! Who knows what the other kids will be like! I don't blame her for capitalizing on being Super Cute Funny Baby Sister, a role I've often envied. 

I think of all the times growing up when I swore to myself that if I ever had kids I would be FAIR! And EQUAL! And I would remember how old the oldest was when she got to shave her legs and not even CONSIDER letting the youngest do it until she was AT LEAST the age the oldest WAS etc. etc. etc. But I cannot fathom a time when Emma won't be my BABY and so much younger than her siblings and therefore needing special treatment and attention. HORRIBLE! But even Jack and Molly fall into this line of thinking, getting irritated when people would try to get Emma to stand on her own and walk, taking over, protectively grabbing Emma's hands and barking, "SHE CAN'T WALK." 

How am I encouraging Jack in his "oldest" role and Emma in her "youngest"? How am I neglecting Molly as the "forgotten middle"? 

It is such a BIZARRE and AMAZING thing to have three brand new never-seen-before individuals living in your house. Where you're observing every minute detail, recording many of those details in a BLOG for heaven's sake. WHO ARE THEY? More importantly, HOW AM I SCREWING THEM UP? 

What the kids are wearing these days

Being proper Seattleites, my children demanded to go to the indoor pool on this beautiful 83 degree day. "How about the sprinkler!" I suggested. "I'll fill up the pool!" That was good for maybe half an hour. "Mommy it's too hooooottttt." After that it was, "Can we go to the YYYYYYYYYY?" 

Damn the Y. But also GOD BLESS THE Y. Best ridiculous monthly bill I've ever signed up for. Now if Emma could just suck it up and stop crying in childcare we'd be golden. 

While Phillip took the big kids to the Y, Emma and I stopped at the nearby Fred Meyer. OSTENSIBLY I was looking for flip flops for the big kids, but I ended up buying, ah, summer wardrobes. I keep being delighted with all the clothes I already HAVE for Emma, and wondering why my big kids have nothing summery to wear and/or shoes that fit and/or jeans without holes and/or skirts that aren't scandalously short. I really did mean to buy JUST FLIP FLOPS, but I left the store with something like forty-seven shirts and thirty-nine pairs of capri pants for Molly. Oh, and a few shirts and shorts for Jack. We just finished modeling everything for Daddy and I'm pleased AND horrified that everything fit perfectly. I kept thinking, "Oh, that'll be too big, but better too big than too small! She'll grow into it! It has an adjustable waist, so we're all good!" (WE DID NOT NEED THE ADJUSTABLE WAIST.) 

But you guys, this was the first time I shopped in the Bigger Girl area. Not the infant and toddler section, the 4-6X section, and DUDES. There was exactly one rack of the type of clothes I would dress my kid in. The rest was Mini-Teenager, Mini-Hoochie-Teenager, Branded Sparkly Horrors, and Just Plain Ugly. I have some definite Feelings about age-appropriate clothing, but other than that I don't think I'm too picky. I often let Molly pick her own clothes, I'm learning to get over it if it doesn't match perfectly, and as long as it's clean and fits I will abide the layers upon layers of hot pink tulle. HOWEVER. I was surprised at how many things I would never ever let her wear, on account of Hideosity. Is that a word? It is now. There are always a lot of hideous clothes, but in the Bigger Girl Section at Fred Meyer, the hideous was about 90%.

What was not hideous? The teeny little Carters section where I bought the heaps of t-shirts and capri pants. And one pair of shorts because they were the only Not Booty Shorts That Also Matched The Shirts that I could find. SHEESH. These are just play clothes and all the colors and patterns mixed and matched and they don't SAY things, they aren't BEDAZZLED, they aren't trying to be sixteen. Carters 4Eva! 

I thought I should probably buy Jack some things too, as he's just in need as Molly, he's just not as... well, honestly, he and I are both fine if he wants to wear his googly-eyed shark t-shirt four days in a row. (Not to school. I have a nice assortment of brownnosey polo shirts for school.) But he needed a few pairs of shorts and some new t-shirts and I bought the only three t-shirts in the store that were not 1) camoflage or 2) stamped with skull and bones graphics. NO SKULLS AND BONES. HE IS [ALMOST] SIX. NO NO NO. YUCK. 

Sorry. I have opinions. 

I also don't want things smothered in sports pictures or dirt bikes or motorcycles or cutesy-tough sayings. YUCK! There are certain things Jack likes. For a while I was buying bug or sea creature shirts. Dinosaur shirts. Now I'm on the lookout for superhero shirts that aren't nine hundred dollars. But they still need to be CUTE. These shirts are TERRIBLE. 

And it's not just Fred Meyer, it's anywhere where kid clothes are relatively inexpensive. There are always cute things at the cute stores, but sometimes I just want a stack of five dollar t-shirts he can get dirty at the playground. Is it too much to ask that I not hate whatever is pictured on the front? ANNOYING. 

I feel like I have the rest of my life to disapprove of what my children are wearing. I don't need to start NOW.

Anyway, this is why I buy five dozen plain colored t-shirts from Old Navy before school starts. Of course these are worn out immediately, but at least I don't actively dislike them. 

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Ahem. 

My neighbor? The parking police? She made a point to smile at me as I drove by yesterday. What do you think THAT means, hmm? 

I'm going to go put my kids to bed, open a Beer of Mexico, and make my husband sit on the deck with me and appreciate the weather. Happy Sunday evening. 

Kindergarten homework

IS STUPID. Seriously! Who knows what that picture is! WE HAVE NO IDEA. Today we were trying to figure out the begnning and ending sound of a word, three letters, middle letter E, with a picture of... a paint brush? In a puddle of paint?  Ten minutes later Phillip shouted, "RED! It's a black and white copy! RED! RED!"

Then there was a picture of a diamond. Blank E BLANK. Gem, right? It's gem. What kindergartner knows the word gem? GEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS IS NOT ON ANYMORE.

Jack said, "I think it's JEWEL," and then Phillip says, "no, I think it's GEM. JEWEL has too many letters."

So then Jack asks, "How do you spell JEWEL?" 

Phillip says, "J - E - W - L." 

And I say, from the kitchen where I am bent over a sink full of dirty dishes, wiping the sweat from my brow, realizing that not only must I cook the meals and do the dishes I must also be responsible for ALL THE SPELLING: "OH. MY. GAWD. PHILLIP CHEUNG. J-E-W-E-L."

"Oh right," Phillip says. 

"How come you don't know how to spell JEWEL," Jack asks. "You must not be a grown up." 

I KNOW, JACK. I KNOW. 

Oh, as I'm typing this, Jack, who is still doing his homework, comes over to me shouting, "THIS DOESN'T MAKE SEEEEEEENSE!!!"

I look over it and say, "I don't understand. Everything's right. You did a good job."

He goes, "But WHY do I have to do six plus one so many TIMES when I already KNOW IT?"

#snotbrat

The best Christmas pageant ever

I'm trying not to be horribly disappointed that Jack's school does not do a Christmas program. Or a Holiday program. Or a Winter or Snowflake or Solstice or New Year program. As far as I know they do NOTHING, at least I think I would have heard about it by now. HUGE. BUMMER.

My THEORY is that the school is respecting its fairly large population of Muslim students and their families. With maybe a bit of liberal West Coast overcompensation in the Avoidance Of All Things Remotely Smacking Of Religion (though I should note, with a bit of honest shock, that Jack's school DOES do the Pledge of Allegiance.) 

My other, more worrisome theory is that they just don't have TIME to put on a holiday program. SIGH. 

Kindergarten has been a bunch of surprises for me. Surprise at how well Jack and I both took to this full day separation (ok, maybe not a TON of surprise about that). Surprise at how ACADEMIC kindergarten is. Weren't there TOYS in your kindergarten classroom? Maybe a kitchen and dolls? And plenty of arts and crafts? I thought kindergarten was one big poster paint session. But no, everyone says kindergarten is "the new first grade" and dude, it totally is. I can't believe some of the schooly stuff Jack is learning. I mean, I think it's GREAT and he likes doing it and handles it well and Phillip and I are BOTH so pleased and amazed by how much he's learned so far.

But there are no toys or "centers" and very little art. Jack's school does not have a music program or an art teacher. He's done a few art projects within the context of the curriculum, within his own class, but only a few. I know his teacher sings songs with him and there are heaps of intstruments for older kids to borrow for an after-school band, but there is no music otherwise. 

And once a month I go to the meeting at church where I hear everything about everything, which always includes a lot about the parish school, and every month I wonder: what would THAT be like? An amazing art teacher. And OBVS a Christmas program, with singing, featuring the Baby Jesus. I LOVED the idea of Jack learning that stuff right along with how to read and add and subtract. There's a curriculum and there is OTHER STUFF. 

At Jack's school they barely have time for science. 

So. This is NOT a "I regret public school" post. I don't. At all. There are various little ways that I see how this was an excellent decision for Jack, for our family, and Life In General. I think it's awesome that there is a large percentage of Muslim students. I LOVE his teacher. She's fantastic. I would know this even without my mother, teacher extraordinaire, saying, "She sounds fantastic!" every time I talk about her. We've had a handful of email interactions over the last week or two that have resulted in more friendly and personal communication at school. The school has a focus on character that I really like, emphasizing kindness along with reading. I think their writing program is so great. Jack is really happy there and loves everything about school. 

Still, I am sad - for HIM - that there is no holiday songfest, with freshly scrubbed and dressed up little kids, with parents holding camcorders, with the excitement of going on a stage. He did it last year, at the Catholic preschool. Maybe it was just such a big part of MY school experiences, and my parents always putting on shows with their classes, that I'm irrationally mopey about it. 

I don't know. Maybe they do something in the spring. Maybe his own class will do a little something some day. Maybe he'll play the lead in the high school play and, vicariously, all my dreams will come true. Heh. 

IS there a perfect school situation? I think mine would be a diverse Catholic school, within walking distance, with Jack's current teacher, with his current class, free, unhindered by a budget, with active yet laid back and friendly parents. Dream on, right?

When I was little my mom would put brown towels on my brothers' heads (the big one was Joseph, the little one was a shepherd) and blue one on mine, hand me a baby doll, and make us sing Christmas carols in front of our family on Christmas Eve. I have a boy, a girl, and an ACTUAL baby. We can put on our own Christmas program this year. 

Everything will be different now

Jack is wandering around the living room. doing his weird Jacky things, and saying, "I'm practicing for kindergarten."

It starts tomorrow, but today we attended an orientation at the school. We met his teacher, poked around the classroom, checked out the other kids, and investigated the playground, the library, the computer room. When we asked Jack what he's most looking forward to, he said, "The bathrooms!" Okay then!

I sort of feel like his first day was today. Phillip took the morning off (he's taking off tomorrow too) and we all trooped into the school and met his teacher and sat in the tiny chairs while the kindergarteners sat on the rug and listened to their teacher for the very first time. There was no fear. I wasn't worried about him, but you still WONDER. One little girl was visibly nervous and one little boy sobbed the entire time (his mother was SO ANNOYED) but Jack got right in line and asked his typically bizarre questions (when informed that the playground monitors would be wearing bright orange shirts, Jack piped up with, "What if the sun is too bright and we can't SEE the bright orange shirts?") 

They shuffled the parents into the cafeteria and the principals gave us the low down on logistics while the kids ate cookies and drank juice provided by what was referred to as the "Not PTA". They call themselves "Family Group" because they're not all structured like a PTA, more laid back and easygoing and if this is actually true I might actually want to participate. 

But if I had a good experience on the school tour a few months ago, it was blown out of the water by the orientation. It's true that I am LOOKING for positivity, but I am also just so relieved. My whole [out-of-touch] vision of Catholic school or a "good" public school didn't materialize. I saw everyone's pictures of their kids wearing Catholic school uniforms on their first day last week and felt sad. I still felt anxious about choosing to send my perfect precious child to the run down neighborhood school, where full day kindergarten is free because the school is labeled disadvantaged. But I have honestly loved everything about it. His teacher impressed me right off the bat. Everyone was SO friendly and SO enthusiastic. The new principal made a point of meeting Molly and admiring her silver shoes (and showing off her own glitter TOMS). 

I've said this a million times - because I come from a family of public school teachers I've been feeling like I "know too much" about what goes on backstage. I want to feel good about Jack's class AND the principal AND the school as a whole. I may not "speak" teacher, but I totally understand it when I hear it and I feel like I need to know all of that stuff. WHICH I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW. As if I don't have enough to be anxious about, what with packing lunch and figuring out drop off logistics and picking out the Most Cute Outfit for the first day. 

So whatever, it's all good. I'm really excited for Jack. I'm excited for me! I'm having to stop myself from signing up for everything on the volunteer form, reminding myself that 1) I have a baby and 2) I don't even LIKE volunteering! 

Tomorrow we'll take Jack to his class, stick around for a welcome meeting sponsored by the Not PTA, and then (gah) I have to drive Molly over to PRESCHOOL orientation. (Her first day is Monday.) I feel like life just got super busy, and it's only going to get busier, huh? Now is when we start marking time by school years again, and wondering how our kindergarteners turned into sixth graders OMG SHUT UP, ME!!!

A behavior chart for ME

Behavior charts are one of those things that I found wholly unimpressive before I was an Actual Parent. Back when I was just a Potential Parent, or maybe you prefer A Parent In Theory Only, I thought most complicated stuff like that - charts, reward systems, overly detailed Time Out rules - were silly. More specifically, they were only for BAD parents. Parents who could not control their children. Parents who COULD control their children did this with merely A Look, A Voice, or, in dire times, perhaps a subtle arm yank (combined with A Look or A Voice, of course.) 

I have now been an Actual Parent - a Parent In Practice Most Definitely -a little over five years, enough time for the universe to do some major work on humbling me. I'd say there's still much to do, but in the Discipline Department I am well and thoroughly broken (AS YOU KNOW.) My arsenal of Looks, Voices, and Arm Yanks are terribly ineffective with a certain Jackson Cheung. I feel a tiny bit better knowing that they work (mostly) on his sister, but I just haven't been able to come up with a good system for JACK. Add to that the fact that Phillip has even fewer Looks and Voices and is, in general, a much nicer and more patient person than me ANYWAY, we are lost. Our Lostness led to a Okay, We Need To Change It Up discussion last night, which, in conjunction with a phone call to my mother, who knows about these things, led to The Behavior Chart. 

SO. Our struggles with Master Cheung are as follows:

1. Every instruction, every request, every direction, EVERY SENTENCE is met with some kind of Talk Back. Sometimes sassy, sometimes genuine, always irritating. I'd say 10% is out and out worth a year in military school, 10% is justified, and the rest is just sort of borderline disrespectful/rude/genuinely inquisitive, so you're not entirely sure how to react. Was he doing it on purpose? Did he REALIZE that was rude? Do I get angry or do I patiently teach? A lot of times he's not being BAD, he's NEGOTIATING, but MY GOD ENOUGH WITH THE NEGOTIATING JUST DO I WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
2. He's getting bossier and snippier with Molly. Frequent thing I say: "You are not the boss of Molly!" Another frequent thing I say: "Molly, you don't have to do what Jack tells you to do!"
3. He often gets out of control. Yet another place where we aren't sure how far to go. Sometimes he's just having FUN! But a lot of times he doesn't know when to stop. He roughhouses with his grandfathers and always pushes the limit. He ADORES Emma, but he can get rough and wild with her. He can get rowdy and silly and he'll stop for the two seconds it takes you to tell him to calm down, but then he'll go right back into it. 
4. He doesn't always seem to REALIZE that he's in trouble. And therefore doesn't ACT like he's in trouble. Frequent thing I say: "ACT LIKE YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!" Another frequent thing I say, "Is it a good time for you to be talking right now? NO IT IS NOT."

So he's not, like, DOING horrible things. It's more like he just doesn't stop, doesn't know when to stop, doesn't know how to be in the stopping... well, and then the times that he dumps water on Emma's face in the bath tub. 

I was interested in charts because I think JACK is interested in charts. He's aware of this stuff now. He likes stickers. He can keep track of things. HE CAN SEE HOW HE IS DOING. This was a big factor for me in going the chart route. One glance at his chart will let him know what kind of day he's having and HOPEFULLY have an effect on how he acts. MAYBE?!

I googled and googled and googled and eventually went with this idea. That is a super detailed blog post, but I'll just sum it up real quick - our version, anyway. 

Each kid (we're doing both kids - Molly doesn't really NEED it, but we don't want to single Jack out and it can't hurt) has a chart with six "cards". The original blog post called these "coins" and they translate into money, but I didn't want to go that route for various reasons. (Also I didn't want to cut out circles.) So I bought those foam sheets at the dollar store and made cards with the kids' choice of character glued onto the fronts - superheroes for Jack, princesses for Molly. When they misbehave, I can tell them to give me a card. (Read the blog post if you're interested in the how and why and when details. I think we'll do most of what she says.) But they can also earn the card back with good behavior. At the end of the day, if they have all six cards still on their charts, they get a sticker. If they earn 10 stickers, they get a reward. In Jack's case it's a new iPad game, in Molly's it's a new dress up dress. (In the original blog post it's $10 for the kid to spend, so it's also a way to learn about money.) No sticker if I still have cards when they go to bed. If I have to take away ALL the cards, they can't earn them back for the rest of the day and ALL electronic privileges are taken away (iPad, TV, computer etc.).  BUT the next day always starts with six cards. 

(That last card is blank because it USED to be the Hulk and then Jack said, "But I don't like the Hulk! Where's BATMAN!" whereupon I felt like AN IDIOT because Batman is his FAVORITE and I FORGOT BATMAN. OOPS.) (Also, the cards are stuck on with Velcro. My experience with stick on Velcro is not awesome, but we'll see how it goes.)

It sounds really complicated, right? It felt that way when I was explaining it to Phillip. But I think it will help. It will help Jack because he likes a challenge, because he likes to win and hear he's doing well, it will be easy for him to see how he's doing during the day and hopefully that will translate into being more aware of his "status" with us, and he knows up front what the expectations and consequences are. He WANTS to "be a good boy". Also he's just a finicky chart sort of person and responds well to that sort of activity anyway. 

It will help Phillip and me because we'll be on the same page, we'll immediately know what to take away, it helps us stay consistent, and it makes it easy for us to follow through. WE ARE NOT GOOD AT THOSE THINGS, INTERNET! We are wishy washy! We are constantly stymied and confused! We often don't agree! But we agree on this, it's workable for both of us, and in the moment we don't stand there trying to figure out what the appropriate punishment is. 

It is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE that I will come back here next week or the next and tell you that this was a terrible failure. I am open to that! But right now I feel pretty optimistic, if only because it's a PLAN and I always feel good when I have a PLAN. 

Also! I am VERY MUCH AWARE of the potential ridiculousness of starting a fancy new behavior chart one week from the start of a Major Life Change AKA Kindergarten! But hey, this is when we talked about it, this is when I felt motivated to DO something, so it's done. We'll see how it goes. 

I can't really figure out if I should be rolling my eyes at myself or patting myself on the back. It seems really OVERBOARD, you know? On the other hand, I think Phillip and I NEED overboard at this point! Honestly, it's as much for us as it is for the five-year-old. How embarrassing. 

OKAY. I will report back. 

P.S. I owe you a Princess Party post and there WILL be a Princess Party post and I bet you're as excited for that one as you were for this behavior chart post. FUN TIMES AT MIGHTYMAGGIE.COM!

In which I start missing my five-year-old

I'm feeling like a bit of a mean mom tonight. The princess birthday party is tomorrow and when I envisioned this whole thing, it was all about Molly (OR OKAY, MUCH ABOUT ME) and how we would decorate and what we would wear and eating PINK things and DRINKING pink things and WHEEEE!!! I totally failed to consider the small boy who also enjoys cake and party games and, yes, princess dresses. 

To his credit, there's been no whining. Just a lot of anxious curiosity. He saw me printing out pictures for a game and asked me all about it, informed me he played the same game with Grandma, were we going to use candy at the birthday party too, was I going to make sure everyone could win, ETC. ETC. He wants to know about the cake. He wants to know who's coming. He wants to know if the cookies we decorated today are for the party. AND I JUST FEEL TERRIBLE.

I didn't have any qualms about a no boys allowed party, but I really did not think through how to PLAN a no boys allowed party with a boy hanging around 24/7. 

Anyway, the idea is for Phillip and his dad to take Jack out for dinner (he's requested the McDonald's Playplace, if you had any doubt) and to bring him back before the party is over so he can have cake at least. I'm starting to wish I'd gone along with Molly's original plan, which was, "No Mommy, we have to have Jackson, so we can have a Princess and SUPERHERO party." She was so much smarter than me. 

BUT WHATEVER! We have pink felt princess hats and heart-shaped finger jello and what better use for my parents' ancient Bavarian china, with the dainty pink rosettes and gold trim? 

This was a week I was worried about, what with No Plans and No School Yet, but it turned out okay. Despite the nasty cold I picked up yesterday, despite the never knowing what we were going to do each morning. Things worked out. And this morning Emma slept late, so I got the big kids ready and then when the baby woke up, we all went out for coffee and muffins for breakfast and THAT is why being a SAHM is awesome. You can just DO stuff like that. Sure, you're beholden to the baby's schedule and everything's a hassle with three car seats, but just sort of picking up and going wherever and deciding that on this random Thursday morning you're having blueberry muffins and hot chocolate for breakfast instead of staying home and eating oatmeal - it's not a bad gig, is what I'm saying. 

We have one more week of this, then Labor Day Weekend, then SCHOOL. I already have fifteen School Events on the calendar. And I'm slowly filling up our week with friends and coffee dates. It's a tiny bit weird to think Jack is going to be completely out of the playdate picture after a week and a half. No more weekday overnighters to Grandma's house, no random coffee shop breakfasts, no more Target at 8:30 AM. It's good - we're both definitely looking forward to school, oh yes - but it's also the end of an era, at least for Jack, and somewhat for me. I've still got a long time with Emma, but my near-daily semi-freakouts about What Are We Going To Do This Morning?! are practically ended with the big kids. Molly will be gone three days a week. (And when she's home she's easy: doughnuts and shopping.) 

So hopefully I won't be tearing my hair out these next few days. Hopefully we can do some fun stuff? Enjoy ourselves? Not that HE'S aware, but I am. And not that there's really anything to commemorate or DO, even, but I want to notice, pay attention. He won't always be the little boy so interested in his sister's princess birthday party.