Everything was going okay until I remembered I have to bring snack for kindergarten tomorrow. Last year the teacher would put out a general plea for preservatives and the parents would haul in a box of graham crackers or an industrial-size bag of Goldfish. THIS year the teachers have gone all healthy on us and are requesting fresh fruit and vegetables on scheduled days. IRRITATED PRO-SUGAR EYEROLL.
We have apples at home, but I'd have to cut them all up in the morning to minimize the browning and I can barely accomplish what's necessary in the morning let alone extra snack tasks. Also, they are honeycrisps and they are MINE. So I just drove to the store to get something that is NOT apples and I saw cantaloupes and "Hey!" I think to myself, "that's a kid-friendly yet not-always-in-the-lunchbox fruit!" And I bought three. Even though they were expensive. And out of season.
And when I cut one up just now it was half green and tasteless and I will be cutting up all my apples tomorrow morning DAMMIT.
Otherwise I've been feeling pretty good about, you know, deserting my family on Wednesday when I leave for the Blathering. I still think of it that way. Maybe it would be different if I were a working mom, but being a SAHM who always feels like she's getting away with something, it feels EXTRA indulgent to jet off on a long weekend alone. THAT SAID, I am ready. Childcare is in place, my brother-in-law has been badgered into driving me to the airport, and I even know what I'm packing. Mostly. As I type there is a Twitter conversation going about humidity and temperatures and water breezes and it's getting confusing. Maybe I need a bigger bag.
I have asked myself if I'm nervous about the Blathering this year and the answer is No. I wasn't particularly nervous last year either, though. I chalk this up to several things. First: the wine is plentiful. Second: everyone is seriously always so NICE. CHARMING, even. Third: I no longer seem to have mini nervous breakdowns over whether people will like me or want to spend time with me. The first thing, the liking me thing, well, the truth is that I AM A NICE PERSON and WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE? RIGHT? As for the second thing, I have some designated people to whom I shall velcro myself in insecurity emergencies, whether or not they consent.
I used to write Things That Are Stressy About Going To A Big Internet People Gathering posts, but eh. It's not stressy! I mean, I suppose I could MAKE it stressy (I have extraordinary skill in that department), but I am working hard at NOT being that way? So! Here are some Not Stressy Things About Me, In Particular, Going To A Big Internet People Gathering.
- I am an introvert, but I LIKE PEOPLE. I am VERY INTERESTED in people! You have stories! I want to hear them! Especially that thing you wrote about that one time - I want to know more about THAT.
- I am an introvert, but I am not SHY. Well, I used to be. But then I decided that being shy was lame and actually not really me and remember the part where I AM A NICE PERSON, WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME? That helps. I'm not saying I'm not AWKWARD or WEIRD and I'm DEFINITELY not saying I'm good at conversation, but there is limited time to become best friends with everyone and I will not be wasting that time hugging the wall and staring at the floor.
- I AM easily embarrassed. I MIGHT spill a drink (or break a glass) and then I will want to die, but probably by this time I'll have had some of the plentiful wine and this will be No Big Deal.
- I already KNOW that I will not be the cutest lady there. This helps IMMEASURABLY with my stress level.
- I am completely and totally Unstressed about who will be taking care of my kids. Phillip will take them to school in the mornings and then their devoted Nai Nai and Ye Ye will come up, spend the day with their Precious Emma, pick up the big kids at school, and make dinner for everyone. Each day I'm gone. It will be NICER for my family with me gone. Someone is going to COOK for them! At dinnertime! More than one day in a row!
- All of my real life people know I am going to hang out with my Computer People. I didn't have to lie to my parents or avoid the truth with my in-laws or make embarrassing confessions to my real life friends. I am totally OUT re: The Internet and even my hairstylist knows you guys. (And she thinks you're cool.)
- Ordinarily, when visiting a New City, I would be all, "Now what are the historical locations of interest! What do I need to read! How many guide books will I need!" But when I go to the Blathering it always seems that at least one person knows where to go and I will always choose Conversations over Sights. (This is why I have to go BACK to Chicago and New Orleans.)
Does that make anyone feel better and/or want to be my friend? Maybe? Remember: NICE PERSON!
I still have a couple days before I leave. I don't know why I'm writing this now. Especially when I could be writing about my son's new haircut (a cross between Punk and Hitler Youth) and how my husband is extra cheery today (the Seahawks made a comeback AND the Breaking Bad finale is tonight!) and the best parts of my conversation with FIL about starting a business (I should have recorded it, it was that good) but BLAH BLAH BLAH I am thinking about my TRIP. YAY!