SO YEAH. Lots and lots has been happening over here - nothing especially blogworthy, but that's never really kept me from writing it all out before. Basically I am Beyond Anxious and 99% of my energy goes towards Keeping On Keeping On. Writing about it hasn't felt like something that would help, so I haven't. It just sucks and it still sucks and it's never going to stop sucking, except if I think that way then it quickly spirals into All Is Lost territory and that's just the worst. Keeping On Keeping On is all about steering clear of that mindset.
I am doing all the right things. I have started a new medication, which actually might be the problem, you know, that pesky "oh, at first you might get MORE anxious!" side effect. I am seeing a Professional Talking About Things person. I have all the right people checking in on me, offering to bring dinner, coming over at a moment's notice, OFFERING TO VISIT ME OVER THE WEEKEND FROM A DIFFERENT CITY YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. If I wasn't absolutely determined not to get into a shaky emotional state, I might sob over the amazing friends and family who are taking care of me and making sure I don't fall over.
But I can't do that because I have to do laundry and make lunches in the morning and we have a pretty big bakery thing going on tomorrow - a vendor open house at a catering company! I made sample party favor boxes! Katie is making cake bites with PASSIONFRUIT CURD OMG - and you know, STUFF TO DO! People to take care of! I can't go around breathing into paper bags every ten seconds!
It was a particularly nasty weekend, in spite of it being our annual couples' weekend. Or maybe I should say, "Thank God it was our couples' weekend" because my friends rallied around me in a way I haven't needed... ever. Really. One emergency horse tranquilizer prescription later and I'm cautiously hopeful. I mean, it's always gotten better before, it has to get better this time too. Right?
Think good thoughts for Phillip, who is having a stressful time at work and doesn't need the Crazy Wife on top of it all. Think good thoughts for my kids, who don't seem to realize how much I neglected them this summer. Think good thoughts for me, that this mess works itself out soon. I feel like I can't keep this up much longer. Except, I mean, I can. I have before.
At some point I will show you pictures of my daughters' absofreakinglutely adorable new room. Hopefully soon.