An inelegant attempt at moving the plot forward
In which the bakery requires clonazepam

What's been up

SO YEAH. Lots and lots has been happening over here - nothing especially blogworthy, but that's never really kept me from writing it all out before. Basically I am Beyond Anxious and 99% of my energy goes towards Keeping On Keeping On. Writing about it hasn't felt like something that would help, so I haven't. It just sucks and it still sucks and it's never going to stop sucking, except if I think that way then it quickly spirals into All Is Lost territory and that's just the worst. Keeping On Keeping On is all about steering clear of that mindset. 

I am doing all the right things. I have started a new medication, which actually might be the problem, you know, that pesky "oh, at first you might get MORE anxious!" side effect. I am seeing a Professional Talking About Things person. I have all the right people checking in on me, offering to bring dinner, coming over at a moment's notice, OFFERING TO VISIT ME OVER THE WEEKEND FROM A DIFFERENT CITY YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. If I wasn't absolutely determined not to get into a shaky emotional state, I might sob over the amazing friends and family who are taking care of me and making sure I don't fall over. 

But I can't do that because I have to do laundry and make lunches in the morning and we have a pretty big bakery thing going on tomorrow - a vendor open house at a catering company! I made sample party favor boxes! Katie is making cake bites with PASSIONFRUIT CURD OMG - and you know, STUFF TO DO! People to take care of! I can't go around breathing into paper bags every ten seconds! 

It was a particularly nasty weekend, in spite of it being our annual couples' weekend. Or maybe I should say, "Thank God it was our couples' weekend" because my friends rallied around me in a way I haven't needed... ever. Really. One emergency horse tranquilizer prescription later and I'm cautiously hopeful. I mean, it's always gotten better before, it has to get better this time too. Right? 

Think good thoughts for Phillip, who is having a stressful time at work and doesn't need the Crazy Wife on top of it all. Think good thoughts for my kids, who don't seem to realize how much I neglected them this summer. Think good thoughts for me, that this mess works itself out soon. I feel like I can't keep this up much longer. Except, I mean, I can. I have before. 

At some point I will show you pictures of my daughters' absofreakinglutely adorable new room. Hopefully soon.

Comments

Hillary

All the good thoughts headed in your direction.

Dr. Maureen

We love you.

Jesabes

Thinking all the good thoughts.

Shelby

Love you, Maggie. Praying for you all the time.

Michelle

Hang in there Maggie. My stepson is struggling with some crippling anxiety right now and it's so so hard but it will get better.

Christine

Sending you every good thought. Hugs Maggie.

ccr in MA

Thinking good thoughts toward you. Hang in there.

Becca

September sucks, my anxiety is always worse in September. Glad to hear you have new meds, a dr to talk to and friends and family watching over you. You'll get through this!!

Susie

Oh, Maggie. All the love and prayers for you, lady. Be easy on yourself - you are Keeping On like a total badass, and your family IS your family so they can help hold you up when you need it. (And your friends! We like to help hold things up, too.)

K

We support you.

Sarah in Ottawa

I wish I could hug you. Am thinking of and praying for you. You are amazing. Xoxoxo.

Jen (SaitoAbroad)

All the good thoughts and prayers for you all. You will get past this.

Lifeofadoctorswife

Hugs, Maggie. Hang in there.

HereWeGoAJen

Hugs, Maggie. You can do this. It won't always be like this.

Christina

I have been blowing up at the husband and kids a lot lately. Like a lot a lot. The summer was NOT the relaxing thing it was supposed to be and I feel like September is going to do me in. So I don't know how you feel ... but I can relate. And I'll keep on keeping on if you do. :-)
Also, I started writing down verses for my daughter (who also struggles with anxiety) and I found it's helping me a rather lot. Just you know, as I'm reading the Bible or a devotional or whatever, if something strikes me as good or helpful, I jot it on a notecard. Here's one I have handy:

"For I am sure that neither death nor life nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 8:38-39

(to which I insert "nor terrible days where I fly off the handle for no good reason...")

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