In which no one is surprised I like not working
A Not Stressy Post About The Blathering!

I DO NOT LIKE THEM RIGHT NOW

I think I'm due for a good long parenting rant, yes? I feel like I've had a long stretch of Fine - always the irritations and frustrations, but no full on Parental Meltdowns. Maybe it's the crazy pills. They have yet to kick in today though because RIGHT NOW I AM FURIOUSSSSSSSS!!!

Here are some Truths about living in this house with these three impossible children, ages 6, 5, and 2, ie: PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF THROWING SOMETHING IN THE GARBAGE.

  • If someone's mother graciously allows them a packet of fruit snacks after school, even though the mother repeatedly warns the snack eater that if he/she leaves her garbage on the floor she will send them back to the Dark Ages ie: Before Touch Screens Existed, there is, without fail, a fruit snack wrapper on the floor at all times. 
  • Every pillow and blanket in the entire house comes out to play in the living room every afternoon, and the people who bring the pillows and blankets to the living room swear up and down they have no idea where said pillows and blankets originated. 
  • There are socks on the floor. 
  • As soon as the even-tempered sweet-natured mother gets the kitchen counters cleaned off, someone covers them up with dirty dishes. Usually ones with uneaten fruit, the better to attract fruit flies. 
  • No one knows where their shoes are. 
  • At least one of them won't eat whatever the poor hardworking mother made for dinner. 
  • "Can I watch a show" and "Can I have a snack" are said, on average, 572 times a day. By each child. Even the 2-year-old. 
  • No one knows how to pick up more than one thing at a time. 
  • On nights when there is no dessert, at least one child is positively baffled, offended, and ready to call CPS.
  • The exhausted mother wonders why she vacuums at all, seeing as how the children leave a trail of crumbs, bits of paper, beads, BeyBlades, socks, milk drips, and cap-less markers wherever they go. 
  • No one knows how to flush. 
  • The award-winning multitasker mother can remind her older children a dozen times to put their homework folders in their backpacks and get their lunchboxes and wear rainboots and still one of them will strap herself (HERself, AHEM) into her car seat and wait for her ride to school, coat-less, bag-less, and wearing maryjanes with no socks. And still look at her speechless mother with innocent wonder, like, "Oh? You were talking to ME?"
  • If one dumps out all the Jenga blocks, one is required to pick them up. Every time. Really. This rule even extends through the next day and the next. The mother realizes sometimes it's hard to keep everything straight, but she doesn't see why one can't just ASSUME the Jenga blocks need picking up. Every time. 
  • Just because she is 2 doesn't mean you can eat all her snacks when she's not looking. 
  • At least one houseplant is dying, at least one room looks like a nuclear nightmare, at least one meal isn't cleaned up, and at least one child is whining about how at least one other child is being mean. At all times. Every day. 

Insert a very screechy pillow-thumping expletive-filled SCREAM right here. Don't worry, I've sent the kids downstairs so they can't hear. 

Would you like to add your own House Truth? That might make you feel better. 

Something else that makes me feel better - listing Things I Am Good At. Since today I am so very terrible at 1) cleaning up and 2) being nice to my children, I shall focus on:

  • I make very pretty spreadsheets. 
  • I ran today. Your grandmother could have lapped me in a 5k, but I ran longer than I have in a good while and I'm proud of myself. 
  • Sucking up to my kids' teachers. 
  • Envisioning bakeries.
  • Watching my DVRed news show almost every day. 
  • Saying yes when my husband wants to go out. Like tonight. Damn him. 
  • Laundry. (THAT'S RIGHT. I AM GOOD AT LAUNDRY. BITE ME.)
  • Eating the CSA fruit before it rots. 
  • Applying white/aqua color schemes. (For example: the bakery.)
  • Calling my mother. 
  • Using sarcasm when I'm screeching at my kids. I am THAT awesome. 

OKAY THE WEEKEND CAN START ANY MOMENT

 

 

 

Comments

Jesabes

Tonight, with a half an hour to go until Thomas got home I shut everyone (including myself) in their respective bedrooms and told them they needed to stay SEPARATED before they killed each other or I killed them.

Guess who didn't stay in their rooms, like AT ALL?

I sat there thinking "even the Blathering isn't enough break from this. I need two weeks on a cruise ship. Or a nanny."

Elizabeth

You need a vacation with your favorite ladies from the Internet.

Emeth Hesed

You described my day, my week, my month, my life. I was totally losing it just now and then I read your post, sighed a huge sigh, and felt better.

Somehow, knowing you had a really, really crappy day helped.

jlp

Younger son:

- every morning on the way to preschool: "But I don't want to go to school." Then he cries and stares longingly back at me when I drop him off, sometimes causing me to cry in the car. When I pick him up? "No! I don't want to go home!"

- naptime: "I don't want to nap." Inevitably followed by several hours of falling to pieces over things like his book being moved or someone offering him food.


Older son:

- listens to what I tell younger son NOT to do, then does it.

- insists on leaving shoes in the middle of the kitchen, then when asked to move them, insists on a more precise definition of where they are and illogically links it to not moving them: "They are not in the MIDDLE, they are on the SIDE of the kitchen, so I CAN'T put them away."

Megan @ Mama Bub

Oh did we have that day too. Seriously child, you had a very large lunch and three snacks. Dinner is in 30 minutes and I'm not feeding you again until then. "You're so meeeaaan."

Also, we cleaned the playroom twice, and then I closed the door and told them they needed to play with their IMAGINATIONS. "You're so meeeaaan."

I'm taking them on vacation BY MYSELF in a little over a week. Heaven help me.

Erica

I don't want to bite you for being good at laundry, I want to hire you. To help me.

Kel

I needed to read this today! Mine are 4,3, and 17 months and I am due in January with #4. Mine are all up by 6:30-7am and my daughter has been skipping her nap lately and just melting down by the end of the day, even after quiet time. The 4 year old has been whiny and tired also from school. I am glad I am not alone!

I am good at laundry also, scheduling and staying somewhat organized, and cloth diapering :)

plus.google.com/110956812272480685681

PREACH IT SISTA!!!!! Mine are 5,4 and 3.
There is always at least 1 small person plate still at their seat for the last meal.

Someones or someTHREEs pajamas are always strewn about the living groom. With socks trails to the hamper though.

The NEW joy to my world is the sudden appearance of tiny cars making bulges under my rug. Why? Because its a tunnel you silly Momma! BUT of course!!!!!!

Yet, here I am sober and smiling :) Thank god for small miracles.... And you blog to tell me I am not alone in my crazy.

Christina

My 12 year old had a full on temper tantrum at dinner last night because I only offered ketchup or soy sauce or honey to go with the breaded chicken, and not mayo. Seriously. Tears and everything. And then when I gave in, she sat there and said "no, you made your choice." UM, WHAT? I may have screamed "go get the frickin mayo NOW" like an insane woman. Possibly. And then? By the end of dinner, she was happily chattering away, laughing. Yes, she's in puberty and she has ADHD. It's a powerhouse. Also, just wanted you to know, even without little ones, I can totally relate. :-)

Maggie

Your Truth list was entirely spot on for my day with 2 little ones. Every single last bullet point. How can kids want a snack all.day.long! Thank you for your honesty & humor.

melissa

"On nights when there is no dessert, at least one child is positively baffled, offended, and ready to call CPS."

OMG YES THIS! The 6yo asks for an ice cream bar, no, two oreos, no, one oreo...no dessert tonight. But...wha? Complete confusion. Dessert is not part of dinner. It's an extra, a surprise, a special thing. They do not get that.

Cici

Thank you all for this. Mine are 11, 9, 8, 5, & 3. For some irrational reason I always feel that I am the only parent ever who has to deal with the chaos and craziness. You're mean and I don't care are constant refrains in our house.

Jen

OMG this whole list is MY LIFE!! Except Zach doesn't contribute to mess directly yet but OH JUST GIVE HIM TIME. I hear the snack/show questions TOO MUCH TOO MUCH I TELL YOU. Sigh.

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