Last day. Sniff! Also: thirty-four. Also also: paint. Of course.
Picture ID, baked goods, dresses.

A stream of consciousness post that makes even less sense than usual

Birthday Week is over. WOE. (Blogless Emily, you win the book! Send me an address!)

Also all my kitchen painting plans were postponed on account of someone feeling a little, "Didn't we JUST DO a big project? Can't we just LIVE HERE FOR A WHILE?" Etc. I still have a lot to say about my kitchen - including meeting with a kitchen designer from Home Depot - but that will have to wait because toNIGHT I was filling out Molly's school enrollment forms and this was the last page:

Photo

I'm not sure what to do with this. I sat and looked at it for a long time. I asked Phillip. (He snorted/laughed/ignored me.) I ended up not circling anything, even though I am a rule follower, because what would I circle? And now I am just wondering what the POINT is. Data - yes, but is something we "consider" actual data? Does it make her eligible for certain things? I am not at all above checking boxes and circling things to GET stuff. 

I don't know. I don't remember doing this for Jack, although I'm sure it was the same form. And I'm not UPSET about it or anything, I just feel like I need some more information. Or maybe it's just another one of those things we will encounter and be confused about. 

We went to see my visiting brother and SIL one last time today. They have three boys and a foster baby girl they hope to adopt. If SIL and I aren't talking about house renovations we are talking about foster parenting and shockingly, Phillip and I are both open to the idea. I think this is surprising to us both. I never thought I could be a foster parent because it sounds like nonstop emotional turmoil and I am already on medication for that. Phillip feels like our family is complete. But there's something about it. I'm not sure either of us could articulate it, although we keep trying, but something about it just seems Possible. I wouldn't say that we are anywhere close to pursuing it, or even wanting to pursue it, but it continues to feel Possible and that's... I don't know. 

And the picture of Raising Children grows ever more complicated. I think I would walk into the fostering process with the intent to be a temporary family, supporting reunification, while remaining open to adoption. Maybe not very open? But open. You hear about those people who've adopted sixteen kids from the foster system - how amazing is that? Am I that sort of amazing? I don't think so, but what a fully lived life, you know? What a right way to be on this planet. So all the possibilities are out there. More kids. Needy kids. Kids who don't look like us. Maybe this is the simplest of the complicated questions on the school enrollment forms I will fill out. 

I'm hoping to find out if I got a job this week. Talk about another Possibility. I haven't quite let myself think about how I'll take care of Emma - maybe that sounds irresponsible, but to me it's just not borrowing trouble. When I thought about foster parenting or having more children I didn't picture having a job. What does that mean? Maybe it means nothing. Maybe I will be going to the Y every morning and putting a baby down for a nap every afternoon like I planned. I don't know yet. 

I went to Ikea last week and bought desks for the big kids. I spent some time looking at beds and I am only interested in beds that maximize sleeping space. Bunk beds. Trundles. We don't have heaps of overnight guests, we don't have foster kids, we don't have people needing a place to stay. But there is something in me that requires making the most of the space I have. I am continually thinking about how many people I can house at one time. 

Sometimes people say they could never have a big house like ours because they couldn't clean it. I just tell them I don't clean it. But you guys I know I prayed for the biggest house we could afford in the city. I feel like there are supposed to be people in here. I feel like the space is not just for me to wander around in, stressing about paint colors. 

I don't know what all these paragraphs are amounting to. I don't know how I got here from a finicky question on a school enrollment form. It's entirely possible I'm just worn out and loopy and need to go to bed.

Comments

Lisa

You are in my head! This is pretty much exactly what has been rolling around in my mind. I think we are done with the traditional adoption route (see also: not made of money) but I feel like we have more space in our home and hearts for more kids. And SO many kids need homes! I'm giving myself time to let this idea percolate some more. The baby's first birthday is tomorrow, so it seems maybe a little too soon yet to be serious about it. But the idea won't go away...

Mona

My very good friend is a director at a foster agency here so I can put you in contact with him if you are interested in talking about the process.

Also, that last page always bugs me because it lists Guamanian OR Chamorro which is not correct. It should just be Chamorro. Argh argh argh.

Beth

I've been reading you blog for a long time, and there are often times when I can say, yes that is me. Today is one of those days. I just keep praying about it. Praying we see His plans for our life and that we have the courage to follow them.

Nessa

Oh the foster decision. After Emily I was so ready for more but the fact her adoption cost as much as a kidney on the black market really put a damper on that. So we jumped into the foster realm and it has been...interesting. It's been hard on us (but strengthened our marriage!!) and hard on Emily but so good at the same time.

There is no way you can be prepared to foster, no matter how much training, but with support from family and friends it is something so doable. AND SO REWARDING!! We are currently waiting 6 weeks to find out if we will get to keep the little bug we've had for 8 months. I'll be praying for you guys.

Colleen

I have such respect for foster parents. I know someone who fosters babies through a Christian agency while they are waiting for adoptions to be finalized. Some are waiting to be adopted and she has them for a few months. She has adopted 5 children and does not plan to adopt any more but she takes these babies home from the hospital and loves them and rocks them just like she did with her own. Dresses them up and even has a professional portrait done for the adoptive parents. I couldn't do it but I am in awe of this gift she has for taking it all in stride and loving these babies so much for the time they are with her.

HereWeGoAJen

I could totally see myself being a foster parent. I don't think Matt would be down for it though and I suppose his opinion ought to count too. But I would love a house full of children.

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