As I sit here listening to my daughter scream bloody murder in her crib I'm thinking, "Shoot! This is why I still have ten pounds to go! This has been a CRAZY NEARLY-TWO YEARS!"
As smitten as we are with Miss EJ and as teeth-pulling as it is to get me to admit that anything is hard, THIS HAS BEEN HARD. Those of you who had third baby twins? Or you have a fourth baby? I'm just... I thought I could be you, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I certainly don't have the hardest kids in the world, they're healthy and thriving and mostly behave, so I truly don't have anything to complain about. Although I don't really feel like I'm complaining right now so much as flopping backwards onto the couch and dramatically touching the back of my hand to my forehead. Listening to your sweet baby shriek her head off every single time you put her in bed is that exhausting.
She's either not napping at all or napping too long and I have to wake her up. She's either not walking or she gets mad if she's not allowed to walk. She either eats everything or throws it all on the floor. Ninety percent of the time she's ADORABLE. The other ten percent is the reason I can't exercise, eat all the cookies at 10pm, constantly behind on housework, fall asleep on the couch in the middle of the day. All you people who said third babies were easy were LYING! PANTS ON FIRE! YES, I AM POINTING AT YOU!
Not that first and second babies are easy. I think maybe we were just well into Preschoolerhood when EJ arrived and it's not so much the baby work and baby stages so much as the adding BABY to PRESCHOOLER and KINDERGARTNER. If that makes sense? And I'm only speaking for myself. Jack and Molly are 15.5 months apart and yes, a lot of Molly's babyhood is a blur, but they were basically doing the same thing within a short amount of time and I HANDLED THINGS. This time? I feel like it's been almost two years and I still don't have a good grasp on managing the hours. First it was new baby and work trips and moving and then it was arranging life around the big kids' school stuff (and work trips, ahem.) I feel like that's legitimate. It's been hard. Sometimes really hard.
The only thing going for me right now is that this is the last week of school. Tomorrow is my last Monday driving to kindergarten and preschool and then home and then back to preschool and then home and then back to kindergarten and then home. My upcoming weeks of no more drop offs and pick ups are so close I can taste them. I've scheduled the big kids for a couple weeks of daily summer swim lessons, but praise the Lord they're at the same time and other than that half hour? NOTHING ELSE. We can go back to doing whatever we want whenever we want and maybe I can finally urge EJ into an afternoon nap instead of this horrible mid-morning nap we've had going for months.
So this is encouraging. It is. And I'm not even that nervous about what to do with everyone this summer. Sure, some days will grate, but we have swim lessons, we have a couple of week-long camps, and lots of family get togethers. Summer will fly by the way it usually does. And come September I'll have two big kids going to the same school for the same hours and order might finally return to my world. I'm trying not to depend on that, but I don't see how it can't be SO MUCH EASIER than this last year.
A friend of mine has a newish baby and I got all Ooooh Snuggly Baby Gimme! over her yesterday. I just LOVE babies. And have I been thinking about a fourth baby? Sure! Not REALLY, since we all know where PCheung stands on that, and it's only been in the last month or so that I can fathom physically HAVING a baby again. (Seriously.) I love love LOVE the idea of a sixth person in our family. I really do. I'm not sure I feel like anyone is missing, necessarily, but it wouldn't be hard to talk me into it.
That said? I honestly don't know if I could hack a fourth baby. I don't know how you do it. I am SO tired, SO fed up by bedtime, SO drained on just a regular average day. Bad days are when I have to go shut myself in the bedroom as soon as Phillip gets home. (Poor Phillip.) The thought of doing it AGAIN? Starting OVER? No no no no no no no.
Everyone wanting to leave a comment about, "Oh, fourth babies just blend in!", I would like to inform you that that's what everyone said about THIRD babies.
Anyway. That's where my brain is right now. Phillip just emerged from Emma's room announcing, "I guess we have to rock her to sleep now!" OH GOODY.
I am really looking forward to the end of this school year, you guys. You might want to unfollow me from Twitter right now as I have no intention to hold back on the "This is my LAST MONDAY!" and "This is my LAST drop off!" tweets. GOOD RIDDANCE, CRAZY YEAR.