My one and only love
A poor substitute for the post I wrote last night that vanished DAMMIT TYPEPAD

At least confessing it's been rough is evidence of character growth? Maybe?

As I sit here listening to my daughter scream bloody murder in her crib I'm thinking, "Shoot! This is why I still have ten pounds to go! This has been a CRAZY NEARLY-TWO YEARS!"

As smitten as we are with Miss EJ and as teeth-pulling as it is to get me to admit that anything is hard, THIS HAS BEEN HARD. Those of you who had third baby twins? Or you have a fourth baby? I'm just... I thought I could be you, but I'm not so sure anymore. 

I certainly don't have the hardest kids in the world, they're healthy and thriving and mostly behave, so I truly don't have anything to complain about. Although I don't really feel like I'm complaining right now so much as flopping backwards onto the couch and dramatically touching the back of my hand to my forehead. Listening to your sweet baby shriek her head off every single time you put her in bed is that exhausting. 

She's either not napping at all or napping too long and I have to wake her up. She's either not walking or she gets mad if she's not allowed to walk. She either eats everything or throws it all on the floor. Ninety percent of the time she's ADORABLE. The other ten percent is the reason I can't exercise, eat all the cookies at 10pm, constantly behind on housework, fall asleep on the couch in the middle of the day. All you people who said third babies were easy were LYING! PANTS ON FIRE! YES, I AM POINTING AT YOU!

Not that first and second babies are easy. I think maybe we were just well into Preschoolerhood when EJ arrived and it's not so much the baby work and baby stages so much as the adding BABY to PRESCHOOLER and KINDERGARTNER. If that makes sense? And I'm only speaking for myself. Jack and Molly are 15.5 months apart and yes, a lot of Molly's babyhood is a blur, but they were basically doing the same thing within a short amount of time and I HANDLED THINGS. This time? I feel like it's been almost two years and I still don't have a good grasp on managing the hours. First it was new baby and work trips and moving and then it was arranging life around the big kids' school stuff (and work trips, ahem.) I feel like that's legitimate. It's been hard. Sometimes really hard. 

The only thing going for me right now is that this is the last week of school. Tomorrow is my last Monday driving to kindergarten and preschool and then home and then back to preschool and then home and then back to kindergarten and then home. My upcoming weeks of no more drop offs and pick ups are so close I can taste them. I've scheduled the big kids for a couple weeks of daily summer swim lessons, but praise the Lord they're at the same time and other than that half hour? NOTHING ELSE. We can go back to doing whatever we want whenever we want and maybe I can finally urge EJ into an afternoon nap instead of this horrible mid-morning nap we've had going for months.

So this is encouraging. It is. And I'm not even that nervous about what to do with everyone this summer. Sure, some days will grate, but we have swim lessons, we have a couple of week-long camps, and lots of family get togethers. Summer will fly by the way it usually does. And come September I'll have two big kids going to the same school for the same hours and order might finally return to my world. I'm trying not to depend on that, but I don't see how it can't be SO MUCH EASIER than this last year.

A friend of mine has a newish baby and I got all Ooooh Snuggly Baby Gimme! over her yesterday. I just LOVE babies. And have I been thinking about a fourth baby? Sure! Not REALLY, since we all know where PCheung stands on that, and it's only been in the last month or so that I can fathom physically HAVING a baby again. (Seriously.) I love love LOVE the idea of a sixth person in our family. I really do. I'm not sure I feel like anyone is missing, necessarily, but it wouldn't be hard to talk me into it.

That said? I honestly don't know if I could hack a fourth baby. I don't know how you do it. I am SO tired, SO fed up by bedtime, SO drained on just a regular average day. Bad days are when I have to go shut myself in the bedroom as soon as Phillip gets home. (Poor Phillip.) The thought of doing it AGAIN? Starting OVER? No no no no no no no.

Everyone wanting to leave a comment about, "Oh, fourth babies just blend in!", I would like to inform you that that's what everyone said about THIRD babies.

Anyway. That's where my brain is right now. Phillip just emerged from Emma's room announcing, "I guess we have to rock her to sleep now!" OH GOODY.

I am really looking forward to the end of this school year, you guys. You might want to unfollow me from Twitter right now as I have no intention to hold back on the "This is my LAST MONDAY!" and "This is my LAST drop off!" tweets. GOOD RIDDANCE, CRAZY YEAR. 

Comments

Kelley

Oh Maggie sweetie. I understand, I really do. My son and daughter are 15.5 months apart and they just did everything at the same time and still do! My youngest, he is the sweetest, cuddliest baby EVER, but even at 22 months younger than his sister it just seems to be different since they are doing their thing and we are still taking 2 naps a day (he is almost 14 months) and he also cries every time I lay him down, and didn't sleep through the night until he was 10.5-11 months old (I blame night nursing and cosleeping lol!) He also has occasional breath holding spells the pediatrician said are harmless and he will grow out of but omg my older 2 never got hurt or upset, turned blue and passes out for 30 seconds! Talk about scaring the crap out of me, I thought I had all this experience after the first 2! Third babies may be easy sometimes, but not all the time!

Anyway, I had 2 early losses before him and I felt when he arrived he did complete our family. He just FITS ya know? That said, I AM crazy, and we started talking about MAYBE having a fourth and my husband who I NEVER expected to be on board agreed to try for a few months and then that's it. Well it happened on the first try (which is crazy to me) and I am now 8 wks along with baby #4 and asking myself why oh why did I want to feel nauseous and sick like with my first 3 for 6-18 wks and be puking all the time?! And with my third I had a 3.5 hour labor and delivery, no meds, much like yours with Emma and I am like IF I am lucky to get that far I am like how in the heck can I do that again?!

You are awesome Maggie. After this last year of kindergarten I will be doing the preschool/kindergarten juggle next year and I don't know how I will manage so I look to you advice :) You don't have to decide about another baby now. And I think whatever you decide will be right for you and your family.

Kelsi

I only have one, but we're actively trying for #2 right now. My daughter is the same way about her sleep. She always has to cry herself to sleep at night, and often times at nap time. It usually only lasts 10-15 minutes, but sometimes longer. I hate hearing her cry. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. But, we've just had to get used to it and hope that one day she'll go down without tears. Good luck with EJ! Btw I'm the same way around little babies. They're just SO precious. Several of my friends have new little ones and it's not helping my baby fever. haha

AmyRyb

I have a crazy almost-five-year-old and the sweetest almost-four-month-old (both boys), and the last couple days I've had some spotting, which is probably well-within the first-few-months-on-new-birth-control parameters, but I did some math in my head and am now freaking out on the tiny little off-chance that it's implantation bleeding. Because, OMG, I can't imagine having another baby that quickly. I LOVE my new one, he is amazing. But the thought of going through another miserable pregnancy--nausea at the beginning, absolute misery at the end--makes me crazy. Our house is barely big enough for another and our cars are definitely not. Our budget is definitely not big enough either. I would love to have a girl, but between my age, the logistics, and the risk of having boy #3, I have said it is NOT happening unless God decides it is happening...which would take God-like effort to have happen. I'm sure it's nothing, but the panic that could ensue at the thought of having another (so soon, or at all), is darn near paralyzing to me.

Jen (SaitoAbroad)

I have two - 6 and 4. We just took a trip and it was SO nice to have two potty trained, independent kids. So much more freedom!! Oh, I miss sweet chubby little babies but I am loving this stage of "lightness" you know? Babyhood comes with many burdens both physical and emotional and I'm kind of glad to be leaving that stage behind us now :)

HereWeGoAJen

I have totally been feeling like this lately. It's like I expected things to be hard early on, but by now I ought to have it down, right? But I don't and it just sucks. At the end of the day, I don't want anyone to touch me one more time and I cannot handle one more bit of noise. I'm just done.

A'Dell

It is 930 and I am JUST NOW getting the last child to sleep. It's like...my day starts at 530 and there is no break in children needing SOMETHING until about 10 every night which leaves NONE TIME FOR CRAFT PROJECTS FOR THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY THIS FRIDAY. (HARRUMPH)

I keep telling myself it's because they're all so young, that it will even out, that this is a one-time thing, having three children so young. I mean, they just get older every day, at some point we are going to trend towards more free time, yes?

Although if you are saying two years into Three Kids that time isn't here yet? OH NO.

(Hugs. And chocolate. HAAAAAARD.)

Mikal

I love hearing this, I always felt like all those having a third is easy people were not telling the truth (or just lucked out with easy babies and didn't realize it). I still can't wrap my head around the idea of two (I have a two year old). And three sounds fun in my head but man it must be tough. Next year has to be better for you, driving around for pickups and drop offs is not the fun part of parenting. Hope you have a fun summer!

Rachel

YES. People are big fat liars - the 3rd doesn't just "slip right in". Thank you for saying this. 3 is just really hard. No getting around it...this is terrible, but sometimes when she is napping and i just have the older two i think about how this is how my life could have been...although there would have always been a missing piece. She was planned for and wanted and we love her, but that doesn't stop the what-if's. It will get easier...my 3rd just turned 1 (thankfully a good sleeper) and i am already seeing glimpses of a little more free time someday...in the future.

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