I don't think I'd been so tired in my life as when I was pregnant with Emma. I finagled an afternoon nap out of every single day, even if I had to sleep next to a child playing a noisy iPad game. I was tired from when I got up in the morning to when I went to bed at night. I thought it would pass after the first trimester, but it actually got worse. But the only time it occurred to me that there might be something wrong was somewhere in the third trimester, as I pushed a cart through Target, and thought, "I could actually fall asleep, right here, walking."
At one of my last Emma appointments I was informed that I was rather anemic and should start taking iron pills, stat. I took a few, until I forgot. I think I was busy napping.
And maybe it's taken until NOW to realize that I am STILL so VERY TIRED and maybe (?) there is something wrong? Maybe having the baby didn't cure anemia. Maybe I should be taking iron pills. Maybe then I could get through an afternoon without fervently wishing for a quiet hour alone with my sofa.
I have never EVER been a napper, and not for lack of trying. My mind races, my heart beats faster, it's like my body is all, "Um, NOOOOOOO, you have things to DOOOOOO." Until I was pregnant. I took naps when pregnant, as many as possible, but then the baby would arrive and I'd be back to my regular no nap self. It would drive me crazy when friends or family would take the baby and tell me to nap. GAH! I mean, it never occured to me to sleepwalk in Target, but I had no problem spending an afternoon in my bed. Otherwise, naps? Too high strung for that, oh well!
But ever since Emma was born I have looked forward to, hoped for, wished for, GREATLY DESIRED an afternoon nap. Or a morning nap. Whichever works out, I'm flexible. Emma, mind you, is nearly 16 months old. And it's only been the last couple of weeks where I've thought, "HMMM. MAYBE THIS ISN'T JUST BECAUSE I HAVE THREE KIDS WHO RARELY LET ME SLEEP A WHOLE NIGHT."
I thought it was that - Emma's been a rotten sleeper, and if she wasn't waking me up, one of the big kids was having a night terror or a bloody nose. I thought maybe it was the constant business travel. I thought I was just busy. I thought more exercise would help. Maybe I had too much going on. But NO. I should not be this tired. I should not feel distraught when I realize Emma isn't going to cooperate and the big kids aren't going to play by themselves and I can't lay down on the couch for just a few minuteszzzzzzzz
I am actually writing this blog post right now instead of napping. I thought to myself, "FTLOG SELF! GET A GRIP!" So here I sit, in hopes of keeping myself accountable to taking those vile iron pills stuffed in the back of a bathroom drawer, to see if it helps with the Daily Dragging. Because honestly, this is ridiculous. How will I ever hope to open a community-serving coffee house or write a novel or lose 30 pounds or paint the rest of my house or learn how to do a smokey eye if I want to crash on my couch every single stupid day?! I AM THE ANTI-NAPPER!
NOW I'm going to go unload the dishwasher which is BY FAR my least favorite household task. I will NOT lay down on the kitchen floor and take a snooze, even though I have CONSIDERED IT.