Things I Wish People Thought About Me

Theory: the extremely dark and gourmet chocolate bar I've been snacking on all week is The Anxiety Culprit. Perhaps I am already in the Likely To Be Anxious Place, and a few bites of very dark and very fancy chocolate contain enough caffeine to propel the Likely into Definitely. I am recalling the fact that one of my worst days happened when I ate a ginormous (and OMG DELICIOUS) vegan brownie. 

So, this theory potentially makes me into the World's Biggest Moron, but I will embrace the title if I throw out the rest of my five dollar chocolate bar and things improve. (Note: Plain old Hershey's, preferably in nugget form, does not have this effect on me. And fancy chocolate does only occasionally. As if I could give up chocolate FOREVER.)

If nothing else, it's nice to have Something I Could Try. What was it that my favorite Meghan posted on Facebook today? A drop of hope is a powerful drug. 

Anyway. 

Yesterday on Twitter I posted: 

Whenever I meet Very Accomplished People I half dread the moment they ask me what I "do". EVEN THOUGH I LOVE WHAT I DO. I hate that.

The context for this is unbloggable (and boring, trust me). Eventually, when I did end up spilling the SAHM beans, there was a rush to tell me HEY, THAT'S HARD WORK! KUDOS! GOLD STARS! Which, though I do appreciate the sentiment and the effort, you don't have to tell ME that. But I realized that I didn't really need THAT aspect of SAHparenthood validated, what I need validated is that it's... shoot, I don't know. Worthy! Interesting! Not LESSER, somehow! (Note: "need" in this case is debatable. Obvs!)

So my friend Pancakes (who visits this blog every so often hoping to find her name, so HEY THERE, PANCAKES) and I, we were talking once about people we knew from college who became Very Successful. And even though I think Pancakes is also Very Successful, we were both sort of like, "Huh. If only we APPLIED OURSELVES, WE could be filthy rich and/or saving the world TOO." And then Pancakes was all, "Eh, whatever, they're not HAPPIER than me." 

Which made me realize! I don't think those people are HAPPIER than me, I think they are more POWERFUL. They "succeeded" where I did not, they have "won", they have pull and influence, they are IMPORTANT! 

I... am not important. Happy has nothing to do with it. Even though it is, I will grudgingly admit, a better thing to want. 

Anyway, I am never excited to say I'm a SAHM because I think everyone thinks like this. That this is a horribly un-important thing to do. Which is not true. And I certainly don't think it about other SAHMs. (I am too busy thinking, "WILL THEY BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND?!?!")

So here are the things I will cheerfully assume people are thinking when I tell them...

...that I have, ah, "issues" with "anxiety"...
Oh, tormented souls are the most creative! Her inner life must be so rich and fascinating! I would love to get to know her on a deeper level!

...that I'm fairly involved in my Catholic church...
I don't think religion or religious people are weird at ALL!  

...that my two oldest children are sixteen months apart...
I'm sure that was exactly how it was supposed to be and I think it's fabulous! Yay babies!

...that I have a blog...
What IS this blogging thing of which she speaks? It certainly sounds like a world I should investigate! Perhaps it would be beneficial to me!

...that I have no idea if I will go back to work when all my kids are in school...
 Of course not! She should explore all her options! Perhaps paid work is not her true calling! This is not lazy or unproductive at all!

...that I am a SAHM...
That doesn't mean she does nothing except change diapers and pick macaroni out of the carpet, I bet she also reads incredibly dull books about world waras and obsessively paints her house and writes about her life on the internet! She must have so many interesting things to say! I can't wait to get to know her better!

Comments

[Meghan]

YAY!! Oh, blog debut! It's awesome!
Now, on topic I want to say that you are the MOST important person in the world to 3 [arguably 4] other humans beings!
I don't know if I am "important" but I do know that I am only the most important person to 1 small dog. And he would get over it.
Score: Maggie 4, Meghan .25
I have obviously been doing my regular stalking routine, I really hope you feel better soon. I have found in the past that prickly doctors can be handled by the well placed tear. Try it, no shame. Love, Meghan

[Elizabeth]

Dear Maggie, I loved this. I think all those things about you, and more. Better things, even.
PS Was that my chocolate?

[Jenny Ryan]

Oh, I hear you on the chocolate. I finally had to admit to myself that my sugary friends like M&Ms and soda trigger some massive bi-polar mood swings for me. Which stinks, b/c sweet treats are so soothing when I'm drowning in my emotions.

Damn you, vicious cycle!

[april]

I sometimes wish I could be a SAHM, but I know in my heart that I couldn't handle it and kudos that you can and WANT to do so.

Plus, I work in insurance. I actually LIKE working in insurance and someone's gotta do it, but I feel the same way when people ask me what I do. I feel I need to validate it.

[Hillary]

I feel like the need for validation when I tell people I'm a features editor (lame, puffy stories) at a local paper (small potatoes! Why aren't I at the NY Times?). But in my heart, I really truly believe that everyone has a story to tell and that I'm doing something that matters to people. It's just hard when that sometimes is sharing reader recipes or cleaning tips.

[Jennie]

If it makes you feel any better at all, when I told a lady just this weekend that I was in book marketing, she listened to me talk at length about it all the time thinking I had said I was in "book marking" and had no idea what that even WAS and was like "Wow, she's got a very weird job." She kept nodding but looked so confused and I thought, okay, book marketing isn't like ON EVERY CORNER but it's just marketing books, why is she looking at me like that?

So, basically, answering this question can be a little defeating across the board.

This combined with the Twitter conversation I was part of last night reminded me that all moms, working in or outside the home, need hugs, drinks, and a day off for pedicures. We're so awesome yet so tough on ourselves.

[Reading (and chickens)]

You know, I constantly wish I was something else. I want to be a doctor or an engineer or a journalist or something I deem important. When I went to the eye doctor and he asked what I do, and I explained that I'm a SAHM with maybe? a book deal, he was unimpressed and I was unimpressed and I wish I could just say, "accountant" or something and move on. But! I have tried just about everything else and keep coming back to writer and SAHM, so I think perhaps we have less choice in this than we think we do. That made no sense. Never mind! Cold medicine talking, etc!

[HereWeGoAJen]

See, I sometimes feel like what I do isn't important to the world NOW, but it will be in about twenty years when my kids begin to kick ass. Because I have better than average kids (well, one anyway, still waiting to see how this new one turns out) and they are going to be my part in making the world more fantastic.

[Becky]

The last one made me laugh out loud.

[craftyashley]

I love this.

I also recently saw a documentary called Happy. In there it stated the difference in happiness between someone who makes $5,000/yr and someone who makes $50,000/yr is huge. Having basic necessities provides a certain amount of happiness. But! It found that those making above $50,000 were no more happy. I like to remember this. While we are not poor by any means, we could live a much "richer" life and do/have better things if I worked. But meh! We won't be any "happier," so I may as well enjoy the time I have raising the kids. (ha! As if the majority of my day is spent NOT trying to get away from my kids)

[Lisa]

I think you are a fantastically interesting person! I've had those guilty fleeting thoughts about admitting my occupation at times too, but then I realize that the other party (if she is also a Mom) is probably thinking to herself, "Gosh, I really wish I could do that. I hate working." And I don't feel nearly as bad about my job! I'm a little more sheepish meeting people I know while working at my extremely-part-time summer job at Local Theme Park because I used to work there in, you know, HIGH SCHOOL, but I usually don't dwell on it much. It is my outlet for four or five hours away from my kids working with intelligent adults (most of the people in my dept are teachers on Summer break), so it is kind of like my guilty pleasure job.

[Rosemary]

You are cracking me up, Maggie! The funniest thing about this post is these ARE seriously my reactions when you say these things! I am not joking about that. Not everyone thinks the way you fear they do - some people are your fans, like me! :)

[Crystal]

You have explained how I have been feeling lately so much more eloquently than the soundtrack in my mind. Sometimes I feel so desperately as if deciding to stay home and raise my children has crippled my chance of an *important* future career. And the funny thing is, I couldn't WAIT to give it all up and just stay home. When people ask me what I do, I really talk up the two hours of paid work I do a week just so I don't sound so pathetic to myself. I think the list you made is a great start to try turn around some of these negative feelings! I'm going to make one, too.

[Jenna]

This part made me giggle "they have pull and influence, they are IMPORTANT!" when I thought about how my little boy sees me- as Prime Benevolent Dictator. I promise, you too have power, its just over fewer people! But I can guarantee that the kingdoms of the SAHMs are much more interesting, we can get loving tribute, outright mutiny, peaceful golden ages, and hostile riots all in the same day!

Also I think you are an amazing Super Mom and when I read your blog I am intimidated and inspired all at once :)

[Susie]

You know what? I have a job (scientist) that, growing up (with a SAHM and a scientist dad) I deemed "important" and I... whatever, I think it's dumb. Like, when I introduce myself to people and we do the "what do you DO?" thing and I say scientist, and they say "OOooh!" I mostly just feel like a lying liar. Because I don't think it actually jives with my personal identity (not to mention I don't think it is anything like how people perceive it). I don't think it is the thing that matters most about me, or even matters much at all, really. It's just a hook, it's just like some wrapping paper that honestly doesn't have much to do with who I am or how I ACTUALLY think of myself. Because I don't love it, even if it SOUNDS important.

So, whatever, I'm discovering myself in your comments section. I think you are lovely, and good at your job and your life, and important, and all of your babies are really cute.

[The Sojourner]

I laughed so hard at the end of this post. I will henceforth assume that everybody is thinking those things about crazy, unemployed me. (Except the kid one. That would be weird because I don't have any kids.)

Also, I think my new batch of chocolate chip cookies has been responsible for my general lousy feelings the last 2 days. (What do you mean I can't live off cookies? Carbs are bad for my metabolism since when?) Life is not being unfair in my favor this week.

[Mary]

I always think the same way. I dread when i meet new people bc i know they will ask what i do, and I can just die when i have to squeeze out the words " stay at home Mom" Although I know how incredibly, hard, important and amazing this job can be, i equvilate it to saying..."Oh, hi I do nothing, and am boring and wear nothing but moo moos and watch days of our lives" Blah, next hated question is what are your hobbies? I try every week not to eat carbs and bad but theres ALWAYS a reason to...this month..Caramel appels, halloween duh.

[Mike]

how you tried munching on healthy foods that have sugar in them? Like fruits, honey or organic sugar cane. A good snack for anxiety is a glass of milk and a fruit. Bag breathing can also be helpful. Make sure you breath into a paper bag for only one minute at at time. Everyone has anxiety to a degree we just all deal with it differently.