And this isn't even his birthday post

I've been watching The West Wing on Amazon Prime, like the rest of Twitter. I really liked that show, but I haven't seen the early seasons and it's fun to have it be entirely new again. And the toepick girl is in it! She's terrible! Well, I think it's more her lame/boring/annoying character than HER, but it doesn't surprise me that she was gone by the time I started watching. 

ANYWAY. The last episode I saw, Josh Lyman gives Donna Moss a rare book for Christmas (this, after she gave him a list requesting ski gear) so she's all WHATEVER, DUDE. Except he writes a Sweet Personal Message in it and everyone swoons - not that we are privy to the sweet personal message, but we know it's sweet because DONNA is swooning and we love Donna SO. 

I was watching on the Kindle in bed, Phillip was reading on the iPad. When the show was over I batted the iPad out of my husband's hands and you know what came next: "How come you never write ME any  MEANINGFUL MESSAGES?!"

Because, well, HE DOESN'T. Sob. I married an IT Professional, not a writer or a poet or an artist. He has an excellent ear, he plays forty-seven different instruments, the man can SIGHT SING, but lyrics are not his strong suit. I have longed for a love letter these past dozen years, but the only one I have I had to specifically request AND it is typed INCLUDING his signature. 

I've saved all the ancient emails and letters he sent when he spent two summers in China, but we weren't dating then. I have some cute notes inside birthday cards. And those are NICE. I won't count them out. But he's just not going to be the guy who writes me a random just-to-say-I-love-you email or leave me a note in my suitcase or write me a letter on a sentimental occasion. And he will NEVER write me a poem. ALAS!

I accused him of this last night. "YOU HAVE NEVER WRITTEN ME A POEM!" Surprised, he sort of laid back and thought a moment, then he said, "Well, if I DID write you a poem, would it rhyme? You know, like A B A B? Or is it A B C B? I can't remember."

Then today, of course, I came upon all these blog posts, from mostly dutiful Catholic wives, who are warning against reading Certain Books and watching Certain Movies and comparing our husbands to these fictional men. (I honestly can't remember what they were, but I found the first link through Hallie's site. Bad blogger!) So I'm reading them and of course they're right and I was already thinking this myself BUT OKAY FINE THEN. I DID NOT MARRY JOSH LYMAN. I SHALL DEAL. 

Anyway. I've sort of had enough of blog posts telling me to be a better person so I certainly won't do that HERE to YOU. Especially because I'm the sort of person who thinks I already know everything. "Well OF COURSE, Dutiful Churchy Blogger Lady, OF COURSE I shouldn't compare my real and messy life to the pretty shiny one on my television! I am not a DUMMY! And I know what I'm doing! Gah! Leave me alone!"

Except... MAN. I watch Donna open that book and see that handwritten note that I KNOW is like the yearbook message from the only boy you loved in high school and I instantly want that FEELING. And where else to focus my Ire on Not Having That Feeling except my poor caught-unawares husband?!

Poor Phillip. SERIOUSLY. It cannot be rainbows and sunshine living with ME. Last night I actually asked him what, if anything (ha ha), he felt was "missing" with ME and he actually ANSWERED: he wishes I were more compassionate when he's not feeling well. And you know what I did with that? I LAUGHED! HAAAAAA MORE COMPASSIONATE WITH A MAN COLD!

So. Clearly I am no prize in the wife department. Also I am sitting here typing this up while he clears the table and cleans up the kitchen. I am reasonably certain he will leave all sorts of dirty things on the counter and neglect to wipe up the stove, but still, HE IS CLEANING. I AM TYPING. (No one is watching the children, btw.)

I have married a guy who does not express himself via the written word. I probably won't die of this. He does, now that I'm thinking of it, give truly excellent foot rubs. He's the serving sort - cleaning, cooking, taking care of children so you can chat with your friends undisturbed. He works very hard. Probably because he is NOT a writer he does not get all dramatic and angsty and self-absorbed, like, EVER. No, he lets ME do all of that. He gets all of the gold stars for never ever saying, "But could you come home earlier?" or "I really don't want to put the kids to bed by myself" or "No, tonight's not a good night for you to go out." HE'S the one who told me I should spend 100s of our dollars on a week-long trip to St. Louis, so I can go pray with a bunch of strangers, while he stays home with the kids during his week of vacation, IMMEDIATELY AFTER I have already spent 100s of our dollars to go hang out in New Orleans with a bunch of internet people he's barely heard of. And here I am complaining about poems.

What he is doing while I am hiding in the corner with my laptop: 

Gratuitous EJ photo:

"My dad is awwwwwesommmme."

 

Comments

[Annie]

You've got a keeper, that's for sure. Even if, like my own husband, he's not writing you sonnets...um, ever.

Right below your post in my reader came this:http://testosterhome.net/2012/08/a-prayer-for-mama-meany.html

read it. it's my kind of churchy mom/wife blog. I think you'll enjoy it.

XO

[Hillary]

What is it at the top of Swistle's blog? "I acknowledge my luckiness while reserving the right to bemoan the suckiness." Something like that anyway. (I'm too lazy to look right now.) Those are true words.

[HereWeGoAJen]

Yeah, Matt is not a word person either. Sometimes I want to shout at him that he needs to TELL ME NICE THINGS. But really, I get that he doesn't work like that. Most of the time anyway. Other times I tell him what to say.

[Carrie]

I think you're definitely going to have to keep him :)

[Jennie]

I am not married to that man either. The poem-writing man, nope, not Mike. 95% of the time I'm okay with this, and I'll just go ahead and forgive him for being Not Josh Lyman since I'm Not Karen From The Office (his crushes are weird). But that other 5%...could really use some poetry.

(I feel you, is all. We have good guys we wouldn't trade for the world, but it's okay to pout 5% of the time.)

[Susie]

I want to print this out and give it to my software developer husband. I think this covers our relationship dynamic nearly perfectly.

[jlp]

Wow, I think I must be in the minority. I got through the top five paragraphs and thought, "Well, he doesn't write you, but on the upside, he's not Josh Lyman*, the smuggest man on Earth!"

Ahem. I see now that is not a comfort. (I am sure that who I find attractive on TV is probably in the minority [see: Romany Malco in Weeds].)

*I actually like the Josh Lyman character, I just wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship with him.

[Erica]

Somehow the main thing I am taking away from this is a desire to watch The Cutting Edge again.

[Meghan]

That book note wad the only.nice.thing Josh.did.for.Donna until disk 5 of season 7!! I just finished watching tww for the 100th time. Love.

[Christina]

It's that whole "love language" thing... a book I never read but many friends have shared it with me and so I basically know what I'm talking about. And yeah, my husband's "language" is definitely not poetry. He's much more of an "acts of service" guy too. I love that he's the opposite of lazy and totally pitches in at home; that said, I wouldn't complain if one day I found a sappy poem upon my pillow.

ps... I finally did it. A new blog, and a new "name". Which I guess means I must also post from time to time, no? :)

[Crystal]

I dated a poem writer once...he was not very good at holding a job for longer than a month, though. It didn't work out!

Your husband sounds like a great guy AND a good job keeper :)

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I have SO MUCH to say about this, because I am TOTALLY a Words of Affirmation person. I NEED it. I give it. That is... my way of expressing love. But my husband is NOT. Like, at all. (That bit about the musical talent you wrote up there? That whole paragraph could be describing my husband.) And it's HARD. I have this ongoing "woe is me!" "suck it up - he's wonderful in every OTHER way" "but I need VERBAL AFFECTION!" "stop whining! you have it SO GOOD!" mental back and forth. I have nothing helpful here, as you have surmised. But empathy. I have lots of that.

By the way? The photos are adorable. Your family is super cute.

[Lindsay]

I totally laughed when I read this because I can totally relate in so many ways. I don't let myself watch or read too many romantic things because all it serves to do is make me think there's something wrong with my relationship, argh! Jake is not a write-me-a-sweet-card-like-I-would-love kind of guy either (is that universal in the IT realm?!). I still have this napkin from when we were first dating that he wrote "mwa" on cuz I have to savor whatever I can get :) I had to strongly suggest that his proposal to marry me include the things he loves about me because I think that was about my only chance to hear that kind of thing. But he's such a sweet guy and I guess I can't fault him this one thing ;) P.S. what a fun blog, thanks for sharing!!

[Blog OffTheSpeedLimit]

Hello! What do you think who are your average readers?