Lies and the Lying Liars Who Say They Didn't Already Have A Cupcake
TODAY WAS SO GREAT! I swear, sunshine turns me into Super Crazy Productive Lady. I painted things! Planted things! Fussed with my living room until its contents 1) better suited the room and 2) filled that giant aching hole in my life!
But I also had to deal with a five-year-old with his pants on fire. MAYBE. I can't tell.
So! When I walked Jack home from school today, I knew he'd had a preschool graduation party and his teacher was making the treats and I asked him what he had for a snack. The "what did you have for snack" question is the only one my kid will reliably answer. Everything else is often met with "I don't feel like talking about that right now." You know what? I don't feel like talking about YOU. Wait. That didn't make sense. I talk about him pretty much nonstop on this here blog. MOVING ON.
He says, "We had cupcakes! And then we had [describes a type of candy that SOUNDS like licorice but I can't believe actually IS licorice, would you give preschoolers licorice?!] and we had juice and crackers and GRAHAM crackers with CHOCOLATE on them-" BLAH BLAH SNACKY BLAH. Basically the whole time I am thinking, "GEE, Preschool Teacher, way to springload my afternoon!"
Later on we're having lunch at home with Molly. Jack says, "Can I have a cupcake for dessert?" We'd made cupcakes a few days before when my parents came for dinner. I let the kids decorate them, which meant the tops were smothered in sprinkles and dyed sugar crystals and this was part of my whole master plan to Find A Dessert That I Will Not Want To Eat. Anyway, we had a few left over and they were sitting on the counter.
I said, "No, Jack, you just had a cupcake at preschool. That's too many cupcakes."
And he goes, "No, I didn't! I didn't have a cupcake at preschool."
"JACK, you told me on the way home that you had a cupcake at school!"
"But I forgot. I didn't have a cupcake."
"JACKSON CHEUNG. Did you or did you NOT eat a cupcake at school?"
(This is when the bright little eyes with their thick little lashes widened just a smidge, when the little chin tilted towards his chest so he was looking up at me all puppy dog like.)
"I don't renember."
OMG KID! We went around and around for a bit, but he kept on "not renembering".
Jack has had smoking pants a LOT lately. I haven't quite got through to him that it's much better to just admit guilt than to lie about it. Mommy gets WAY more angry about the lie than whatever you happened to do to your sister. But I have to hand it to Senator Sasspants - he will stick to his version of events until it becomes absolutely clear that he's cornered. And I thought I had him.
"Jack," I said, remembering a trick my dear beloved babysitter once played on me, "I'm going to call your teacher right now and ask her if she gave you cupcakes at the party."
I 100% expected Jack to surrender. He said, "I renember now. She brought cupcakes, but she didn't give one to me."
GAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! PANTS! ON FIRE!
Phillip passed me my phone and even then Jack refused to admit that he ate a cupcake at school. So then I was like, what happens when I "call" his teacher and he still doesn't admit it? Blargh!
I told him no cupcake and tomorrow when we go to school I'm going to ask his teacher if the kids had cupcakes at the party. I made it clear that I would ask this question IN HIS PRESENCE. Still no copping to a cupcake. Still lots of not renembering. Which made me think... was he telling the TRUTH?
Phillip is ALL OVER me asking the teacher tomorrow at drop off. I am all "UGH DO I HAVE TO?" Because that is pretty much how I am about ALL discipline. I just want to forget about it. I don't want to revisit the stupid cupcake argument. I want to gear up for the next inevitable Lie Showdown and maybe THAT will be the one that turns the tide. The Eternal Optimist and her Trusty Denial Techniques!
I should say I am not WORRIED, I do not think I have a pathological creepster on my hands, I am even halfway AMUSED by the blatantness of the "No, I didn't hit Molly, I merely nudged her with my pinky finger and of COURSE it was an ACCIDENT. "I think he is mostly a five-year-old boy who is constantly running afoul of the law. Fine. Not really unique on that front. But is it bad when the only reason I can come up with for his refusal to capitulate is "he might be telling the truth"?
BEING A PARENT IS SOOOOO HAAAAAAARD WHINE WHINE POUT